Private Schools- worth it?

Anorexia is dealt with very strictly and the school acknowledges they may not always provide the best environment - anorexic teens asked to stay at home and be educated remotely. Which I think is fair enough others may find harsh

@365sleepstogo I gave up sport as a teen because my top indie only was really interested in the top pupils. Just to balance out the ideal world you paint. I spiralled into other ‘hobbies’ that I was good at - drinking, smoking in the bushes, anorexia. A atmosphere of excellence is not what many teenage girls, befuddled by emerging hormones and identity issues, thrive in. It takes a special kind of fee paying school to manage to scoop up the normal kids whilst pushing forward the exceptional kids who help with their marketing campaigns!

As others have said, it’s difficult to make generalisation and we can only speak of our own personal/children’s experience and anecdotes from those we know.

So my tuppence worth... I went to a lovely primary school (or that was my opinion through the eyes of a child).
The school was single form, we had concrete playground, a large field and adventure playground we used in the summer, a nature area with a pond and an outdoor 15m pool. This was a state school and we just happened to live in the catchment area - my parents had no concept of this, it was pure luck. Sounds bloody amazing and my memories are very much of a lovely childhood.

I was naturally bright, motivated, passed 11+, went to grammar, sailed through, went to university and studied a highly competitive degree and all’s good.

My children go to private school - started in reception.
They have all the above plus opportunities I never had - orchestra, strings/woodwind/percussion/piano/drums/rock clubs, choir, dedicated music lessons, drama,. PE is hockey, netball, tennis, cricket, athletics, football not climbing ropes in vest & knickers. Design technology- doing work in Y3 that I did in Y7.
They love doing sport, even though they are not brilliant at it. Want to try out for squads, excited about sports day, competitions within the school and between schools.

In secondary, I had no idea where to begin with the sports and no really coaching, squads or competitive sports. There is a high drop out rate of girls from sports when they hit puberty and so being introduced to sports/games for the first time at age 11 is not really going to cut it for many.
There was an orchestra which anyone could sign up to but I played piano so that didn’t work. No other opportunities to join a music club.

This may make no difference to their lives long term or this could give them the chance to develop a hobby, passion or career. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be 1000s down the drain?
I am pretty sure that if my DCs local school was just like the one I remember from my childhood, I would be delighted to send them there especially if their life turned out the way mine did in terms of education and career. But now I see what they have, I would find it difficult not to chose the same again.

I agree that the Q is too broad.

It all depends on how bad the SPECIFIC state school options available to you are, how good the SPECIFIC independent options available to you are and YOUR financial situation in terms of how much sacrifice paying fees would make.

So, if you were pretty well off and lived somewhere where state schools were truly terrible and the independent yourDC could attend was absolutely astonishing , it might be worth it.

However, if the state schools were really good (and lots of places do have great ones) but the independents were pretty mediocre (and lots are) then it clearly wouldn’t be worth it, unless you had so much money you wouldn’t notice the fees gone from it….and even then you could be having a worse education.

Do t fall I to the trap if grouping all state schools together as somehow ‘bad’ or all independents as ‘good’. There is huge variety.

Start by considering what you really value in education and how you’re going to measure how well each schoolyiur child could actually attend, is doing at providing it. Until you do that, there is no possibility of meaningful comparison.

Do you value academic achievement, small class sizes, not being with as many challenging children, fancy facilities, big name school, going to school locally, having plenty of spare cash at the end of the month, wrap around care????

For most people it’s not affordable anyway and for most for whom it will be a real stretch to pay fees, the gain probably isn’t worth it. Instead, moving house to be closer to really good state schools can make more sense. If £15-20k is a lot of money for you each year (as it is for most) then the gains of the fee paying option over the state option need to be really significant to justify it. Those gains are significant enough for some, but not most.

It's been worth every penny, especially through lockdown, I hope it works out for you

It really depends on what you have access to in terms of state and private schools and also your finances. Everyone’s situation is different. No point in anyone telling you their kids have done so amazingly well in state of the state you have access too is not a good fit or that private is a waste of money if you can get into a brilliant inclusive and supportive private school.
But it’s great you are considering options and have an ear open for your daughter’s wealth fare. There are all sorts of places out there!
I also think it is never bad timing to move school if you actually need to leave where you are !
All the best ! You are in the right track.

Good for her Donegal. My concern for state was lack of sport but dds do sports out of school and actually had drinks with private school mums last week who were saying unless your child was excellent at the sport in the top team and you are in “the clique” you are ignored as they only interested in the top sporty kids. Their normal kids were languishing sports wise.

Depends entirely on

1. local state provision. Don't assume the private is better just because it is private. State schools can have far better teachers, better teacher pensions, better teacher training, better management set ups, and, REALLY importantly, do not have to sweep things under a carpet if a child from a family that is paying several sets of fees is bullying/misbehavbing.
2. Your finances. Work backwards. Have you got a good pension, Uni contributions saved (£500 per child per month, even if they take out a loan) Do you own your house outright so that you can downsize and help with house deposits for your children, which will be the biggest determinant of their security in later life.
3. child's personality. fee paying is worth it if they take up the extra curricular offer.

DD is going into her last year at local state school ‘HRHS’, (based on league tables HRHS is in the lower third of Scottish State secondary schools). Private was never an option for us but we did seriously consider moving house so DD would be in the catchment of a state school in top 10%.

After visiting HRHS we were very impressed by the teaching staff, current students & the facilities. We had also come to the conclusion there are good & bad teachers in all schools, disruptive students etc and if DD wanted to work hard and learn she would do well wherever she went. So DD went to her local ‘not very desirable’ school. Before starting she knew she had to pick her friendship groups carefully, I.e., don’t get involved with the class clowns etc. Over the years she has had to put up with & sometimes sit with & help calm disruptive students, help less able students with their learning etc, but you know what, it’s made her a better less selfish young lady.

Fast forward 5 years, DD has a fantastic friendship group, has a great relationship with teachers & senior leadership team at the school and is going into her final year in August.

Oh and did I mention she was awarded 5 ‘A’ grades in her provisional Higher results a few weeks ago? She couldn’t have done any better at a private school.

Maybe she would have had more extra circular activities at a private school, but I’m more than happy with the education & experiences she’s received so far at her state school.

Good luck with whatever you choose SparkyPants.

They can be worth it but make sure there is a good fit between your child and the school. I'm three years in with my boy at a selective independent school and am realising that it's great for boys who are extremely bright and highly motivated (and who would do well anywhere) but offer little for those who aren't like that. I thought for the money I paid, I'd get teaching that would whip him into shape (if you know what I mean) and make him achieve the best he can be but it's not the case and it's very disappointing. They are left to languish. Parents I know are now getting tutors to supplement the school's teaching. Of course, if these boys do
well, the school will then take the credit. Feels all a bit of a racket to me.

My same age dds all girl state school has some incredible teachers she has a lovely group of friends and has top results in mocks and is happy. So for us paying for a school would be insane. You are in a very different scenario in your shoes yes I would switch if possible

It's too broad a question really as there re too many variables.

If you narrow it down to "should I consider private education for my Y7 dd who's having an unhappy time at her school" then surely the answer is yes you should consider it. Way up all everything it offers against everything the existing school doesn't.

If the school you're considering addresses the problems then yes it could be worth it.

Education is about so much more than aiming for Oxbridge - it's about enjoying the journey and having inspirational teachers who broaden your horizons. Independent and state schools can both offer this - but not all do.

Sorry op but it’s a daft question there are too many variables. It’s not as simple as private school good state school bad. But yes if your child isn’t thriving and is keen to move definitely do so. Anecdotally All the friends who have moved unhappy dc (both state and private) have been really glad they did so.

Having experience of both, I'd say private has more to offer in terms of 'full' experience. Think it makes half a grades difference attending a private school, so it's not all about the grades more often than not. I'd personally target the schools who have handled the whole covid learning experience well paying attention to the pastoral side particularly.

My ds is capable but lacking confidence. But year 5 he was bored stupid and by year 6 he was angry and disengaged.

The local catchment senior school is 1,600 pupils, with unimpressive results and discipline. They're too big to bother about anyone except the top 5% and the bottom 5%.

I scraped the money together and sent him to a local small independent. The difference is amazing. He is happy, engaged, enthusiastic, comes home and wants to do his homework. For him, a smaller school is a better fit.

Get your child to do some taster days and go with her, and your, instincts.

I think if she's wanting to move and happy to see another school then go with the flow and see what your instinct is when you visit. There's a lot of I went to a state school and ended up at Oxbridge on this thread but I doubt those people were struggling to engage while they were at their state school. I also went to a state school and ended up at med school but that's irrelevant to what you are asking here. FWIW my own DD is at an academic girls private school and having a very different experience to me. She doesn't have the constant disruption in class, people throwing chairs at the teachers (this probably doesn't happen anywhere now) etc etc.

If she is expressing that she would like to consider moving, now is a good time to do some research, a few girls joined my DD's school in year 8.

How can anyone here have an opinion who havent used the private system? Meeting a couple of DC who go private doesnt reflect the entire private school cohort. Of course the DC end up at the same uni. Private education only makes up around 7% of DC. They dont all end up in Oxbridge , in fact most dont.

As for your question, if your opting for private the expectation to achieve is clear. Your expected to be working at least a year ahead. There will also be extra curricular opportunities which help those that may not be in top sets acacdemically but may be good at drama, art, sport , chess etc etc. The private system will push and drive your DC in the area that they are good at. Some of my DS friends are playing for england in sport, rugby, football, cricket etc. not everything is about ending up at uni.

No one can say if the school your choosing will change your DD but I would advise you visit, check the achievements of the DC they take and make sure your DD likes it. There is also no guarantee she will be offered a space as most privates will expect you to do an entrance exam and is highly competitive. Although I appreciate I am basing that on London schools.

For us every penny. Not one single state school in our London Borough offered a choice of mfl, a classical language and three sciences.

DD got a place at the holy grail cofe in a neighbouring Borough. It was run like apartheid with different rules for the haves and have nots. Disruption was disgraceful, standards were declining and I saw nothing that evidenced it's outstanding label. We moved her at the end of Y8 and should have done so at the end of Y7.

Interestingly not one single girl who stayed at that school to upper 6th went to Oxbridge or on to do medicine in dd's cohort. Many were cleverer than dd. Those who left did.

Therefore in my experience if you can spare them, it's worth every single penny.

All of you saying it's not worth it, would you leave a child in the state school after a year of massive shift in personality, drive, ambition and desire to engage? That's what the OP is asking and a lot of people seem to be ignoring the question.

OP it's not a state school vs private school question, it's about what is suitable for your DD. How would she feel about moving? What actually are the issues?

No. Not imo. I don't actually like the privately educated kids of my friends. They are not as kind, less street wise, less broad minded and obsessively materialistic

Gosh. Maybe it's you that isn't broad minded. I'm sure there are plenty of state school kids that could also fit that description!

Not for us no. However they’re at an outstanding state school where behaviour, pastoral care results and ethos is excellent. They’ve done brilliantly as have all their friends and have the same uni offers as their privately educated friends. I don’t think they have been disadvantaged at all. However, if this wasn’t an option we would have gone privately

No. Not imo. I don't actually like the privately educated kids of my friends. They are not as kind, less street wise, less broad minded and obsessively materialistic.

If I didn't have a good state option then I'd consider it but any reasonable state school beats an exclusive private school in my opinion.

But then we're both Oxbridge via state school so probably biased! Do what is right for you!

Our school gained pupils during lockdown. I think many parents are worried about the lack of funding for catch-up plans for state schools, and are quietly making the move to private if they can.

Also worth trying to negotiate fees, they need more bums on seats! 🤣🤣 our school is totally full now for three years!