Private Schools- worth it?

[quote LepersofRuggedIsland]@Scaredycat87 I think I’ll look into it. There is a nearby grammar school which might fit the bill. I grew up in Scotland where the state education was fantastic - I’m not so sure that’s the case around here.[/quote]
Interesting. Perhaps that's the difference in my decision: comprehensive here in Scotland means a wide range of pupils, a genuine cross section of the community. I do think the whole grammar/ academy system in England/ Wales feeds into the negativity about comprehensive education.

Many variables as pp said

We’ve used both and have excellent state but also about to start academic private

I think yes worth it but also state can be very good.

If state isn’t good or other factor it can tip balance either way.

age appropriate I meant to say

* I think that's what puts me off for my kids.*

Our eldest is in state but I enquired about a local private school on the lead up. The process was:

-* half day assessment for DC (who at this point was 4!)*

• *headmaster interview for DC (again, at age 4)*

- interview with the parents (obviously to see if we 'fit' the school)

The assessment process and interview would have been very very gentle and she appropriate

And it would not have been an “interview” with the parents. Probably and informal meet and coffee and more about you asking questions about the school

@Scaredycat87 I think I’ll look into it. There is a nearby grammar school which might fit the bill. I grew up in Scotland where the state education was fantastic - I’m not so sure that’s the case around here.

Mine on full scholarship

Would I pay if not?

I’d crawl over hot coals

It’s so lovely to have the choice to send her - you are very very lucky to be able to afford it. My preschooler is incredibly bright but we have no hope of a private education for her. It probably depends on your DD, the school in question, and whether the financial sacrifice is manageable for the family as a whole.

I guess the ones at grammar and private schools might be better connected maybe as there are no doubt a higher proportion of middle-class high achiever types at those schools. The ones at the private school will have more access to high-quality sports and music opportunities.

[quote YellowSunshineSky]@Hoopa how odd! The money would have been a huge stretch for us, so it's a relief to be able to afford an annual holiday and to not have to make the financial sacrifices I'd have had to make if we'd sent him private.

Thanks re my son, I'm very proud of how he's doing.[/quote]
Yes the money aspect is a killer

@Hoopa how odd! The money would have been a huge stretch for us, so it's a relief to be able to afford an annual holiday and to not have to make the financial sacrifices I'd have had to make if we'd sent him private.

Thanks re my son, I'm very proud of how he's doing.

Personally I think there are a few variables here.

The area you live, the caliber and performance of the state schools, if there are grammar schools and then the performance of the private school (taking into consideration the fees)

There are a few things in mind when talking about private schools. They have entrance exams and high fees, so this automatically will enhance their league table performance as they are only taking ‘the brightest’, it’s not necessarily a result of the teachers skills or the learning environment as a whole. They aren’t subject to ofsted. They are often (but not always) single sex.

I went to an all girls high school and I hated every second. Bullying was rampant and staff did nothing about it, unfortunately often they would join in. Unfortunately quite a few people I went to school with have since committed suicide and it can be traced back to the bullying they faced. Eating disorders too we’re rampant. We had a year group of 100 and I can name at least 10 girls in one year group that were either anorexic or bulimic. In terms of fees mine was £10k back in the early 00s, and I achieved so-so (red brick Uni but not oxbridge). Can’t say how I’d have performed if I went to the local state school, but because the area I grew up in is quite well-to-do, that’s actually quite a good school too. I’d say of those who stayed for 6th form 98% went to Uni, but it was never presented as a choice, it was more like now you do your Uni applications and that was that (could have been a sign of the times though).
Academic opportunity wise, I can’t deny that there were more opportunities to learn than in a local state school (Latin, Ancient Greek, Italian, economics etc)

Yep - worth every penny

DD went to a private school. DS (Yr8) does not but it's considered a very good school and I thought I'd be happy with it. I know there's been the terrible disruption with the pandemic, but I've not been impressed by the last term. He hasn't even had any homework ffs!

For the first time I've wished he could have gone to DD's school but I can no longer afford it. Hopefully things will be better next year because I'm gutted tbh.

If you can afford it, do it.

Our eldest is in state but I enquired about a local private school on the lead up. The process was:

• half day assessment for DC (who at this point was 4!)

• headmaster interview for DC (again, at age 4)

• interview with the parents (obviously to see if we 'fit' the school)

And then they would CONSIDER whether to offer. This was enough to remind myself of what private school is like - the pressure, the lack of being 'children'... that was enough to put me off!!

[quote Hoopa]@Bryonyshcmyony
That sounds horrible. Sounds like you made the best choice based on horrible memories, which I did in reverse to you. I was at all girls. I didn’t cope well when I entered the real world and discovered those boys who were almost men by then. How are you prepping them for the inevitable at Uni/ work place? Sadly these arse wipes don’t disappear at 18.[/quote]
They socialise with a local boys school and know local boys from their time at state primary (who are nicer than some of the private school boys tbh). We have lots of sons friends around as well so I'm not worried

@YellowSunshineSky
For some reason on mumsnet the fact that you have saved lots of money is seen as a negative.

Presumably it is better to live in constant threat of bankruptcy to make sure your child receives a private education that might or might not affect their ability to earn well.
People also think that you will be spending it on luxuries, holidays and shoes (not charity, pension, to pass on to your children for their post 18 lives!)

Your son sounds terrific by the way. Well done him. X

I went to private school, in general it’s very hard to compare to schooling today. My school had/still has an excellent academic education. I loved my time there and I would like similar for my children. That said, I recognise what other posters on this thread have said about the school attracting the kind of children who would do well anywhere. In hindsight, I was not one of these children and never had any support in improving my grades or looking into why I was underperforming. I was an awkward teen and I didn’t take the opportunities I could have been offered by my school. I regret that now but it’s just the reality at the time. Academically, my DC currently in a very pushy state, year 6 is doing work I was covering at gcse. He’s about to go to state secondary and it’s really worrying me. I am terrified we’ve made the wrong decision but it’s the school he wants to go to and it has an excellent reputation. We’ve just not been able to look at it so I have no idea if it’s the right fit for him. We looked at our local private school and it was lovely, but I don’t think it was any more academic than the state school, if anything it was less academic. So, for us, we’re going to save our money and try state. If it’s not working though, I think it’s definitely worth looking at private, if you can afford it of course. Have found this thread quite an interesting read at a time when these issues are on my mind so thanks for posting!

My DS went to a private school for years 5 & 6. I moved him as his primary school went into special measures.

I and he mostly loved the school, small classes, amazing sports facilities and trips. But there was also more pressure eg suddenly he had so much homework, and it felt like he wasn't allowed to be a child.

As a state educated kid myself I found some of it a bit much, I felt that all the luxuries meant my kid missed out on a sense of what life is really like.

I wanted him to go to the same grammar school as his older brother, but he just missed out. He got into our local state school instead. I fretted long abd hard over whether to send him there or to another private school.

We went state and I found year 7 very tough, it wasn't cool to learn etc. Some of the behaviour I heard about really worried me. But by year 9 he's doing really well. I think he'll get the same grades he would have got in private school. I like it that he's exposed to a wide demographic of kids. He loves it that all his school friends live locally. And I've saved loads of money.

I think the most anyone can learn from this thread is that it is a draw between state and private, a very personal decision and that happy thriving adults can be produced from either sector.

It's perfectly possible to get excellent grades from the state system, as previous posters have stated. In fact, I'm a straight A product of a sink comp. Parents saved thousands but I was unhappy and simply not a priority in a school full of kids needing more attention that I did. I have no friends from my school years.
I think the private experience is much more than results. It's the culture and the opportunities. As a bright girl in a comp I was bullied relentlessly. And whilst I fully accept there is bullying in the private system, the schools are much more set up to listen to concerns and to generate an appropriate learning culture. I have no regrets in gifting that experience to my children.

It really depends on the child.

My sibling and I both started from age 4 in private schools.

By age 9, it was very clear that my sibling was not thriving. It was too much pressure, and overall they were very very unhappy. It was a hard decision for my parents to remove them but it was the best decision.

They absolutely thrived in a state school - performed brilliantly in all exams and have an incredible and unique career.

I stayed because it was right for me; I truthfully don't think I would have worked hard without that environment. BUT socially it was very very hard. I didn't really fit in with the private school gang (not a wealth disparity, it was just so so clique-y and competitive) and I have absolutely no friends from school now in adult life.

But, I have a great career! Would I change it? Probably not, but I was a very unhappy teenager in that school.

You need to really think about the type of private school, the personality of your kids. It's not one size fits all xx

@SpaceRaiders
A huge number of the girls posting on EI and many of the schools mentioned as hosting perpetrators were single sex. I think was EI showed us was that whilst we are worried about our teens encountering stranger danger on their phones they are more worried about those they know. And that they all go to the same parties whichever school they go to - Single sex or coed - and face the same issues. Not many of these incidents happened in school. Parties and phones.