Private Schools- worth it?

Interesting topic.

Both DH and I boarded from aged 13 and loved it. We'd automatically assumed we would do the same for our DCs. DD1 went to state from till year 6 when she sat and passed the pretest for a few of the big name boarding schools. At the same time she also sat the 11plus for the local grammar school which is almost impossible to get into. We let her sit because her friends were doing it and she wanted to and also we had tutored her at home for the independent school exams so there was no harm in trying. We assumed she would go the the local comp and then leave after year 8 to go board but when she passed the eleven plus we sent her to the grammar school.

This is her last term in year8 and looking back, DH and I agree that if we knew Grammar school would have been this good we would Have looked closer. Academics are comparable. Co-curricular stuff that she is ACTUALLY involved in is well catered for and she has a lovely set of friends. I dont normally compare over the top facilities because it make no difference if you dont use it. The experience she will have at boarding school will obviously be different but as to whether the difference is worth the money is a different subject. I still want her to board and she is so excited about it. DS1
going through the process now but 100% state has exceeded my expectations. Now I do realise its grammar school so slightly different but still.

I agree with the above posts about state school that they do have an option of outdoors teaching and good range of extra curriculars as per our experience.
While checking private secondary school in and around London for my dd, I couldnt find much difference between the class size too. The private sector had 4 to 5 forms with form size varying from 25 to 30 whereas state sector had 4 to 8 forms of 30 students each. As children are taught in form groups, number of students in forms were similar in state and private.

Scaredycat total tripe. If anything, teachers at private school have a blinkered view of one, academic approach to teaching rather than the creative ways you need to think outside the box to reach every child in a less selective environment.

@Scaredycat87 what a load of nonsense. No forms have to filled in at my DD’s primary if they want to go and use their amazing outdoor classroom, vegetable patch, garden sensory area, large field, pond or forest school area which they leave wild to encourage wildlife. As for creativity they have choir, bands, art clubs, pottery kiln.
Please EVERYONE - compare one school to another school not sweeping, often untrue comparisons of sectors.

I don’t know how true this is now but my DS was a bright, clever girl who got into Oxbridge from a bad state school many moons ago. The thing was, yes she did it and this may prove that you can thrive anywhere except that it wasn’t like that…. she got to Oxbridge with large gaps in her knowledge base because our school hadn’t finished the A level syllabus etc and she struggled throughout her degree for this reason. Many others failed to live up to their potential I believe as there was no aspiration for any of us.

Hopefully that has changed, but I do think you shouldn’t underestimate a good school, private or state.

The teaching is often better at private

Not because the teachers are better per se
But becuae they’re less stressed and able to really “teach” rather than often a heavy load of crowd control.

Allowed to be more creative at private. For example they want to suddenly take the children outside - they can. A dozen forms to fill and hoops to jump through at state

If they have no experience of said school. Fair enough if their child has gone there but private school parents parroting half truths about local schools they have zero direct experience of really grinds my gears.

The only thing that annoys me (anecdotally) are those that slag off perfectly good local state schools to justify their own choices. Afraid I do speak up on that.

It's hard to say. The ones who say they make it to oxbridge etc from local comp, those are naturally bright and would have done well anywhere anyway, in a high pressure environment or more relaxed non selective one etc.

DD goes to an independent secondary school. She is happy. I don't think teaching is necessarily better than at the local outstanding comprehensive; but she is having a nice learning experience: Smaller classes, better facilities,more trips, more extra curricular activities, better food, not disruption in class, surrounded by other students who want to learn.

It depends on what other options you have and your finances

Hmm I don’t know small classes are necessarily a good thing we are currently riding the wave of year 7 friendship drama and having a deep pool of other potential friends is crucial if your friendship group kicks you out for no reason as can happen when you are 12! I would worry if a class were too small particularly for girls. My sister had a miserable time at primary trapped in a toxic friendship group as only 4 girls and one was very troubled. Small is good is not necessarily right.

We provide space, equipment, time and resources to our dcs and will support if needed by contacting school etc but don’t help them with work or hassle them to complete work.

We are lucky one is hard working and conscientious, the other not so hardworking but still gets pretty good grades.

I wonder if they’d have had more extra curricular and sports opportunities at private school and possibly less of the children who don’t want to be there and refuse to work.

I don’t doubt they pay for the nicer experience, we were tempted but couldn’t afford for 3. The smaller classes would be a big advantage.

Totally agree if you have engaged and supportive parents, then a child is highly likely to do as well academically at a good state school as at any private school
I'd say I was engaged and supportive but my dcs listen to their peers and teachers more than me (or appear to) so school ethos is crucial

Interestingly, my boss attended private school but chose not to send his own children. So it works both ways.

Totally agree if you have engaged and supportive parents, then a child is highly likely to do as well academically at a good state school as at any private school.

Most people I know who are paying for private school admit they are largely paying for an ‘overall nicer experience’ than for better academics. Which I think is fine if you can comfortably afford the fees but I find difficult to justify if paying the fees is a struggle.

I’ve got quite a few friends who ended up downsizing their house/having fewer children than they wanted/staying in higher paid jobs that they really don’t enjoy etc. purely to be able to pay for private school. Mostly they went to private schools themselves and say they would feel so guilty if they couldn’t do the same for their children. And this was regardless of whether the particular private school they chose was better/worse than their available state option. I think not imposing that future potential guilt on your children is one good reason to stick to state schools if nothing else 😂

It’s not the right path for everyone. Dh very driven minimal parental support (neither of them even went to university and were not middle class) he got to Cambridge on his own hard work and with the help of a few excellent teachers at his comp. I don’t think helicoptering kids to academic success is the answer it’s got to come from them.

Bryony that's a lovely comment, your DH will be chuffed .
DS2 is similar to DS1 but does need to study. DS3 has significant ASN and is a different kettle of fish altogether!

I would have loved a child like that, I was similar. All of mine bar one much more like dh which is no bad thing as he's lovely

Bryony not always. Sometimes the child is just naturally academic and/or self motivated. I can honestly say, hand on heart, I have never focused massively on DS1. He has always been very academic, that's just the way he is. He doesn't really study, doesn't need to, yet he got the top grades in his school and can apply for any course anywhere. He's far brighter than me or ex DH, naturally. He's considering Oxbridge, but is concerned that there's 'no cool clubs' as he's a budding DJ🙄. Honestly, I don't think I could've influences him as he's all about Maths abs Science and that is not my bag at all.

There was a family in my village growing up who got all 4 of theirs into Oxbridge from the local comp 😁.

In fact thinking about it the two who went to Oxbridge from our local comp both had teachers as parents one of whom teaches my own child at the private school 😂

It is hard when you can’t compare, even when you choose different sectors it’s not always straightforward as a school will suit a child.

We’re doing both sectors for prep / state and about to switch so dc goes to private. I guess at the end I’ll be closer to knowing difference.