Going from private to state in YR9 - reason to be picked on?

@rogueone
You can’t make that sort of throw away comment about extra curricular without knowing which school - what awful stereotyping.
Our comp puts a huge emphasis on extra curricular - DofE, CCF, a ton of sports, robotics, programming, art club, design clubs, debating, chamber orchestra (invite only) 2 more orchestras, dance, drama (big production each year) musical drama (production each year), I could go on.

This isn’t necessarily true rogueone - my niece has moved into state at Y7 and is in middle to lower sets. Private schools don’t turn everyone into academic high flyers.

I am interested to understand why your moving to state at yr9 after spending a lot of money for a prep school?

Your DC will find he is ahead of those in state as preps are at least a year ahead, so your DC may struggle settling into the school . Extra curricular will not be a priority so he may find that a struggle.

Anyway I was just intrigued as to your reasoning?

I agree with the majority of posters. A London state school in year 7 will have kids coming from many, many schools, all needing to make new friends. They may not even ask each other's previous schools as they won't necessarily have heard of them! By contrast, a new boy arriving from any other school, let alone a private one, in Year 9, is likely to be asked. Your DS won't necessarily get bullied but he might struggle to break into established friendship groups unless he is quite a confident and charismatic individual - it's not cliquiness, it's just human nature - teenagers like to stick to what they know and have quite rigid ideas about who is a 'friend' and who is someone you like just fine and don't have any beef with but wouldn't arrange to see socially. Some friends were commenting the other day that at our kids' comp, 4 girls have joined in year 9 from nearby prep schools and they have ended up banding up as a friendship group - they struggled a bit to make new friends and this may be because they are culturally 'different' because of their previous school experiences or it may just be that friendship groups had already been formed. I would get the full benefit of what the state school has to offer and start your DS there in year 7.

X post!

Do you mean in state?

Meant to say interesting post to Firefliss I hadn’t thought of that angle

Op I think the biggest issue is getting a state place in yr9 - maybe call the schools and see how likely it is. There may be a waiting list and it’s very difficult hard to know.

Second is friendships more than bullying imo. The latter could happen but really state London schools are a wide mix of accents and backgrounds, but by year 9 strong friendships are forming imo

We’ve moved between sectors and schools previously for a primary child with not much issue (bar getting second choice as first was full but it turned out fine) but with a teen now I notice how important friends are, and being allowed to maintain those.

all good! 😀😀

so op do you have a state school place for him? In other words did you apply last autumn?

Teachers in state schools are Sir or Miss (even if actually Mrs).

Thanks for the heads-up with the “Miss” and “Sir” blush So how do you address the teacher at state school? I’ll also keep an eye on the middling
Miss and Sir is generally fine at state school, but my friend got into trouble for using it at a private school. They only accepted Mrs Surname or Mr Surname. It could have been a quirk of her school, but overall she noticed a difference in culture.

Yes Oohhhbetty, that Kate Clanchy book is brillIant and should be read by everyone!

Moving from state to private at the start of year 9 does happen. Usually it's kids who fail the entrance exams of the private schools they're aiming for - I'd imagine the OP's son is currently Y6 and his prep school are cautioning that this is a possibility for him. If you live somewhere with limited private schools within range or have a not very academic child is happens quite a bit. It's in the prep school's interest to hold onto them into end of Y8 of course, so they may be inclined to underplay the challenges of moving into state schools at the start of Y9. This certainly happened with one of my DSC where the prep school was talking about state school backups as if that was just fine, but knowing the state schools in question I was pointing out to DH that they were usually over subscribed, have no system for reserving Y9 places, and it would be a very different experience from going in to a private school that is designed around a Y9 intake. (We took the gamble and DSC did pass the private school entrance exam in the end, but I know of others who didn't, and some at least did struggle with the transition to state)

Why year 9? Is that the standard year to move up from prep school in the private sector?

In the state system year 7 is the first year of secondary school. That is the transition year. Not sure how easy it would be to get a place in year 9. Also, most friendship groups would be quite settled by then, making settling in more of a challenge.

Also, at the state secondary school two of my three DDs went to options for GCSE were chosen in year 8 and they began the courses in year 9.

All things to consider.

Oohhhbetty
Yes, I'd agree with you. People with strong feelings on either side can easily gloss over the flaws in each sector.

@LolaSmiles
There's lots of great things about some state schools, but sometimes they get romanticised on here when the debate is private/state

Ditto the other way round. Having been bullied and sexually harassed myself at a very top school and more recently had a niece managed out of a prep and another niece develop extreme anorexia at a very academic girls senior school, I think that the romanticising of fee paying schools on here and in glossy marketing builds up a false impression of that sector.
So - There are lots of great things about fee paying schools, but in no way does paying a fee for something mean that very things that are intrinsic to human nature are ironed out.
And it also doesn't mean that a child that has spent a few years at a prep can't happily transition to a comp and retain a hard working ethic, play a good standard of sport, play in an orchestra and make good friends.

At the end of the day, a child's attitude is primarily formed at home by primary caregivers, and a well supported child will do well anywhere - even a fee paying school rife with racism, sexual harassment and bullying!!!

Nowfeeltheneedtopost
One of my friends moved from state to private and was sanctioned because she called the teacher "Miss". She thought "Miss" and "Sir" were standard polite greetings, and that's the case everywhere I've worked and been a student, but apparently it was considered rude. They noticed a difference moving from state to private.

I also recognise what some posters are saying about middle students who don't make a fuss being left to get on with things. I saw it as a pupil and have seen it as a teacher too, until Year 11 and someone senior decides a set cohort need to make more than expected progress and then the Y11 teachers have months to undo several years of coasting.

There's lots of great things about some state schools, but sometimes they get romanticised on here when the debate is private/state.

For the benefit of settling in I'd suggest the OP moves her son in Y7. There's a lot more support for that transition, the students are new together and it avoids issues linked to her DC potentially going straight into a 3 year KS4.

The kids I remember who moved at this age did get some ‘joshing’ as someone said. But they never really made good friends and truly settled. I’d move at year 7. Also some schools near me start the options a lot sooner so he’ll be on the back foot starting in year 9.

Wouldn’t worry

Agree I would do year 7 too - a good comp will have a broad curriculum for year 7 and 8 and joining in year 9 might mean they miss out on a particular language etc.
But in terms of being different to state school children I would worry - they don’t talk about what they call their parents, they talk about music and influencers and football players and politics (yes fee paying children like football, not all of them love rugby, my DH was at the biggest loving football school Eton! Conversely my daughter has a ton of rugby playing friends at her comp - boy and girls)

Whilst moving schools at year 9 is normal for independent schools it isnt for state. Are you sure you'll get a place? At my local comp you've got very little chance of getting in unless you join at year 7. Lists work on a distance criteria too so you could be pushed down the wait list if someone who lives closer wants a place.

I would not move a child at year 9 to state unless I really had to, too much risk.