I feel so angry reading 'Everyone's Invited' website about rape culture largely at private schools

I notice that pp above thought the safeguarding procedures varied from type of school to type of school. They do not. The only difference might be how the teacher and Safeguarding officer choose to deal with complaints. In effect, there should be no choice but there is no reason to think state schools have not made "choices" too. I do think Ofsted has a broader and more detailed remit than ISI to look at how Safeguarding is handled but the law is the same for all.

Some thoughts on this - having taught in state and indies and having a teenage daughter.

1. This has happened for a long time. My recollections of the early 90s at a state comp are of the 'cool' boys behaving like this at parties. I look back now and their behaviour towards (often younger) girls was certainly toxic masculinity/rape culture. I actually feel guilty that I didn't call them out on it or report them - but the feisty feminist in me didn't emerge until later. I sometimes think of those poor girls who were labelled slags when they were actually taken advantage of/abused.

2.Social media and access to porn has undoubtedly made things worse - young boys think really horrible and aggressive sex is normal. Slut shaming isn't now just about telling your mates - it's about telling your thousands of followers.

1. It happens in all schools and the perpetrators are the dominant 'in' set of boys - for reasons to do with being sporty/rich/hard. Other boys desperately want to be in their gang and girls often want to go out with them.

1. I also despair of society/culture now which encourages girls to constantly post photos in their underwear from the age of about 11. This isn't victim blaming but it sends out the message that we as a society only care about a sexualised image of girls - they don't seem to post about sporting victories or doing well at school. It all seems to be about how pretty/sexy they look and the comments they get from friends reinforces this. I do think that this is part of the wider societal problem of what we value about girls.

1. This can't be solved by schools alone....... it is far too big.

1. If I think about it too much, it makes me really sad.

My DC is a pupil at one of the independent schools targeted by the press this week. They have been coed for 30 years and are academically selective. DC has been in the school since age 3 and I have known many of the pupils, both girls and boys since they were toddlers. The girls are a pretty vocal and confident group and it would take a brave boy/young man to cross them. The school promotes an environment of quiet confidence and values kindness and politeness both in and outside of school. It is very evident amongst the majority of pupils even the more high spirited ones.
But like most schools they do have problems with bullying and other behaviours. From experience the school are quick to respond to problems, when reported, unfortunately not every parent sees these behaviours in the same way. Some are very sensitive when their child is accused of poor behaviour, but the majority support the school with regard to discipline issues. To be honest we all know the serial offenders and their enabling parents ( and also the snowflake/gullible parents).
The post on the EL site was written by someone who hadn’t been a pupil for at least 15 years and didn’t reflect current school rules but the press made no effort to check this out or that the rules applied to the girls were identical to those applied to the boys so claims that it was sexist were unfounded.

Bursaries attract parents with modest incomes. That is the whole point of them. Scholarships have less £££ attached, if any. Grandparents pay too. I have seen quite ordinary folk with several DC at top boarding schools. Funded by bursaries and grandparents making up the difference. Bursaries are not based on grandparental wealth and their need to off-load money to avoid Inheritance tax.

I recommend reading the article below. At the moment, wonderful and innocent boys - yes, there are still many of them in publicly stigmatized schools, persecuted and mocked by the public and the media. This is based on thousands of anonymous and unconfirmed reports. These reports relate to a number of private schools and state schools. They refer to an undefined period of time (in years) and to an undefined group of students. In a report made a few years ago for the British Parliament, 29% of girls experienced unwanted sexual touching at school and a further 71% of 16–18-year-olds said they heard sexual name-calling such as “slut” or “ slag ". Despite this, 4-5 private schools are attacked in the media and social media. The same are repeated. The same school names are repeated and the same pictures are published. Schools are attacked as a whole, so the attacks affect every single student of these schools. In the name of defending some children, other children are attacked only because they are students of that school. Nobody calls you a murderer just because a man has been murdered in your area. This is slander and is prohibited by law. But calling all students at school "sexual predators" is most appropriate. Such a double morality.
P.S.
Information for people who believe that the existence of private schools is socially unfair. To qualify for a place in a leading private school, children must pass very difficult multi-stage examinations. Preparation for them involves many years of enormous work and commitment on the part of children and their parents. Many parents pay for their children's education at the cost of buying a new apartment or going on vacation. And the most important. Anyone can send their child to a private school. Schools provide funding of up to 100% as well as academic, sports and artistic scholarships. It is very difficult to obtain them because the competition is very big. However, it is possible.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9434075/Boys-schools-embroiled-sex-abuse-scandal-change-uniform-avoid-branded-rapists.html

Happens everywhere. But state schools have more accountability and more thorough processes to deal with reported cases.
I would be more comfortable with my DC in state schools where I know these processes exist. .

@CJFJ1 but I expect it not necessarily those modest families whose DC are running with the 'fast pack' who are possibly the ones more likely to be at such parties?

While the press might be biased in many ways, for a few famous schools there were complaints against them in form of open letters/dossiers organised by ex students and girls from neighbouring schools, protest at school gates and accusations that the schools were not handling these incidences properly. These things need to be reported.

I do feel sorry for all the stress that the news have brought to families with boys and girls in these schools, but ignoring the problem wouldn't be to their benefit either.

I don’t know anyone with modest income that can afford a private school, I guess it wholly depends on what your definition of modest is..

All of this press attention against independent schools is also leading to huge stereotyping - e.g. independent school kids must come from wealthy backgrounds; i.e. they must be posh "toffs".

Er, no, actually: there are quite a few families out there from modest backgrounds who scrimp and save to get their kids into independent schools and / or rely on independent school scholarships and bursaries.

I whole-heartedly agree with you.

The British Press is a joke. They always find an angle that divides and stokes up jealousy or division. They don’t care about the consequences and are never held to account for the trouble they cause. One minute stirring up hatred and jealousy for Private Schools. Next couple of weeks pointing out that it’s gone all to far and now boys are being set upon. Yet we all fall for it over and over again.
As a mother of both girls and boys. I actually feel sorry for the innocent young men who have to wear those uniforms. Not all men are evil and not everyone tells the truth. This is a complex situation that doesn’t need lazy journalism.

Why is no one questioning the parents? Why are so many of the accounts of girl at 14 drinking at parties. That’s not the schools fault. Where are the parents?

I find the a Ofsted one has far more detail about what abuse looks like. I cannot believe ISI say a school must publish it’s safeguarding policy in its web site IF THEY HAVE ONE!!! Really? In 2021?

www.isi.net/site/downloads/How%20ISI%20Inspects%20Safeguarding.pdf
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/828763/Inspecting_safeguarding_in_early_years__education_and_skills.pdf

Once one is familiar not just with these two schedules, but also the associated and underlying legislative, statutory and advisory documentation, it's hard to evidence the claim that there is any substantive difference in the approach that the two regimes take.

@PresentingPercy that is interesting isn’t it about ISI / ofstead. I suspect great changes coming in that area.

As a woman I want to find a way that we can help ALL young girls, rich or poor, at school uni or work.
I said to someone today that as parents we have been so worried about our children coming in to contact with dodgy people they don’t know on the internet. Turns out our girls have been more worried about the people they DO know, but we hadn’t given them the tools to call them out.

Agree with most of what you say, but I do think that the fee paying schools’ status making sure this is covered more than it would be otherwise is going to have a good effect and much greater awareness - they have sacrificed their reputations short term for the greater good. I haven’t met a single person who thinks this doesn’t happen everywhere, no one is that silly. Everyone knows that these things happen in state schools and Uni’s and workplaces, I think however people were very surprised it happens also in fee paying schools due to heavy marketing they make themselves out to be perfect environments, so unless you have been to one yourself you might believe the gloss, but now there is no wool over anyone’s eyes.

On a slightly different topic, the ISI inspection framework sees Safeguarding as regulatory. Ofsted go much further and want to see resolved and open cases with more detail. It seems clear to me that ISI are light touch in this area. Lots of their inspectors come from nice little private schools where they wouldn’t have expected to see safeguarding issues. I don’t believe they look very hard and it’s too easy for the private schools to not open cases. I know others will disagree but looking at the differing frameworks and NSPCC info shows quite a difference.

I’m not quite so sure about the ripple effect. It’s going to be rather easy for state schools to be complacent and think it’s not about them. I do hope not. I also think a lot of this behaviour goes on outside school and state schools need to be aware their DC might not be squeaky clean. However they must act according to their policies if any safeguarding issue is disclosed to them. I think the vast majority of schools will have appropriate policies in place. I have certainly seen very good detailed policies which are clear in how cases should be handled and where schools can get further advice.

I think parents will demand more from many schools and hopefully be more engaged with schools regarding inappropriate sexual behaviour. It’s likely many parents don’t have a clue what DCs are looking at. Schools should all now look at DC and parents having sessions on safeguarding in schools. Not just boys. All pupils. All parents. So staying safe and consequences are discussed and spelt out.

I do find it interesting that ALL the broadsheets are focusing so heavily on the fee paying schools element of sexual harassment - I think that is the double news value of a)something so horrific happening b) the fact that these are the last places that society expects anything to happen. Telegraph, Times, Guardian, Financial Times, Economist, Independent, BBC have all featured this heavily which suggests it really ticks their news value boxes.
They have all covered the fact that girls have reported horrible sexual harassment in other schools and universities, with some of them naming the state schools and describing specific testimonies. But they are really going big on the fee paying schools because people expect so much from these famous businesses. I suppose a bit like a business like M&S attracts headlines - these are seen as a part of British heritage and lauded as being world beating, and where they have been shown to be no different to your average local School, that is the ultimate click bait.
Will this help girls at all schools in UK? I think strangely that it will. When those who hold positions of power and influence have been made so uncomfortable about the schools their children are at, then hopefully there will be a ripple effect and we will see the greater good for the greater number.

As far as paying for schools is concerned, when it comes to safeguarding you don’t expect more. Do we know all the schools they didn’t take allegations seriously? No. We don’t. We know the cherry picked private ones. As a firmer private school parent, I expect the law to be followed if a disclosure is made and the safeguarding policy followed. I rather suspect the truth is that few allegations were actually made at the time.

Yes. Most DC are perfectly ok and schools and parents have done a good job. We just keep hearing about a tiny minority in private schools and then an assertion that paying alters the safeguarding policy and the law. It doesn’t.

A question.
Many posters here have children, most of whom those posters presumably believe to be relatively decently behaved young men and/or women.

Is it the parents or the schools who are to be credited with that decent behaviour?

If it is the schools, then presumably there is not some universal failure to turn out decent young people.
If it is the parents, why is the poor behaviour of some the fault primarily of schools and not parents?
Observation: perhaps this is an incredibly complicated multi-variant phenomenon that requires nuanced, careful and complex solutions, recognising that it doesn't have just one cause. (Although such an approach is not always conducive to the mode of interaction on social media 'talk boards' )

I agree parents need to educate their sons. But what about their daughters?

What do you say to them? (asking for a friend). So much traditional advice from my era is deemed inappropriate because it was asking girls and women of all ages to behave in ways to protect themselves which wasn't asked of boys and men. Which led to Reclaim the Streets etc.

What I can't get my head around is that in an age when we seem to have made great strides for women at least in this country, that young girls still don't seem to be able to say no.