Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

@Londonmummy66 and @SomethingOnce
@Bouledeneige

When this first came out, I took it as something that is an issue in all schools to varying degrees esp with porn being so readily accessible now.

However, now I am reading that DC has a reputation locally for this, which is not true of boys attending other local private and state schools. This would suggest that there is something fundamentally wrong in the culture and leadership of the school and that comes from the top.

This is shocking and a complete surprise to me, as we spoke with many parents about the schools we applied to and never heard of DC’s reputation. Perhaps we should have spoken with parents of teenage girls in the area?
Also nothing mentioned on mumsnet previously on numerous threads about DC.

I feel we have had a near miss by not sending our son there and shudder to think how he may have been affected - the influence of peers and male role models (teachers in this case) on teenage boys is so powerful.

No I don't agree that schools only reflect society and therefore there's not point blaming a particular school for the behaviour of their students. That's clearly nonsense. As parents we spend a lot of time visiting and exploring the ethos and culture of different schools that will suit the personalities of our children. We can recognise the difference between hyper competitive sporty schools or hothouse schools or schools that favour a more creative curriculum or that focus on a rounded approach to wellbeing and personal development. We seek to find schools that will particularly suit our DC's abilities, confidence, interests and needs.

Society is not a monoculture of attitude and schools will vary in ethos, culture, diversity and socio-economic class, and many more features besides in terms of their focus and priorities.

If you have have read the letter and say all schools are like this I would be shocked and horrified. The letter exposes a school with a terrible reputation for a particularly toxic culture of misogyny, racism and homophobia, slut shaming and rape culture. It is appalling and disgusting. And it seems to be associated with a particularly catchment - privilege and background, being single sex, having a sporty rugby culture, and having less diversity than many state schools in other parts of London. And maybe also the teachers come from different backgrounds than the majority of state schools in London? (Maybe, I don't know).

My DC went to a comprehensive school in London and the girls were empowered and confident as were LBGTQ students. The school was very 'right on' and the students pretty 'woke'. Within school there was simply a no tolerance culture to sexism, racism, homophobia etc. They regularly invited in special companies to address issues of consent, drugs, self harm and diversity - it wasn't just addressed in PHSE it was a priority across the whole curriculum. The school was by no means perfect and of course there were the usual issues and problems in terms of sexual behaviour, drink and drugs and bullying. But what was notable was how empowered female students were and the LBGTQ communities were - they would regularly challenge harassment, misogynistic and homophobic behaviour.

My DD knew a couple of fellow female students who said that they had not given consent for touching or sexual assault at parties when they were intoxicated or sleeping, or in the company of 'friends'. They called the police. The rest of the girls in her year group completely disowned and called out the boys involved.

Again, I'm not saying the school is perfect but I am trying to point out that a school can have a very particular culture and ethos - just as any college or workplace can. Certain work environments are cut-throat, competitive and political and some are collaborative, collegiate and creative. What shapes them is the values and leadership of the organisation. The same is true of schools. Of course we are not divorced from our background and home life but schools are not neutral sausage machines that students pass through unscathed without being shaped by the prevailing ethos and culture.

What's deeply worrying is that generations of young men and women are being abused by this culture and we should be ashamed if we choose to ignore their testimony. The police and Ofsted will come in and no doubt investigations will ensure. As they should. We are failing both the abused and abusers.

there really is a "DC type"

Yep. Having run into these over the years, I would hesitate to send a DS there.

Lovely buildings and grounds, though.

So many of today's teen and young adults saw violent, porn from an early age because their parents had no understanding of what was being accessed (it only took one or two in the class with naive or neglectful parents to have access for all to see it), they also grew up in an era with bullying reality TV as a norm for many to watch. They have such easy access to drugs including so called study drugs, the ones with money even more so. Their parents did not have a clue that sexting and revenge porn was going to be a thing until too many had been burnt by it.

They have not been properly protected because the adults had not enough idea and experience of their reality. I think they will do a better job with their children because they will have lived lives not divided by such a great tech leap.

@365sleepstogo there really is a "DC type" and I know lots of families who eventually chose not to go there because of that - whether they went to the mixed school in Dulwich, a private or grammar school in Croydon or another mixed private school. I know girls from all 3 of the school mentioned in the testimonies and they all say to steer clear of DC boys - can't all be conincidence in particular when they don't see boys at the other schools as being anything like the same level of problem (with one exception and that is for having multiple girlfriends at different schools so not as bad although you wonder if they will turn out to be DH who have affairs etc....)

I would be interested to hear how the heads of these school are going to tackle this.
Is there going to a review/enquiry into the culture at these schools? Have teachers been turning a blind eye or dismissing concerns as “banter”?
How are they going to overhaul this pervasive culture?
Is there going to be any accountability at staffing/senior management level? If this has been going on for years then those high up would have known, surely?

Or will there just be token letters to placate parents, maybe a virtual talk and some PSHCE lessons thrown into the timetable? And back to as you were.

This is quite goady. I suspect the same is the case in probably all schools, single sex, private or not. There will be boys who have little or no respect for girls everywhere and who haven't examined their own misogynistic behaviour because they have been influenced by porn VERY SADLY.

@sthe I agree with you!

My point is that girls (and boys) in private education have often been encouraged and facilitated in speaking up. They have more access to debating enrichments / timetabled lessons and are generally more self confident.

DS is at a very well thought of state school but his general ethos is to not rock the boat.. go under the radar.. don’t draw attention to yourself.. he has lovely friends (girls and boys) but they don’t want to speak out or create a scene (their words not mine)

When I spoke about being one of the gang I was referring to peer pressure and fitting in, not gang culture!!

@alongtimeagoin2019 from my experience, i think girls at a (mixed) state school will have a voice within the school they are in. Girls obviously don't have a voice within dulwich college - the harrowing experiences came to light as a response to a past student.
You are right that the media wouldn't be as interested however - although maybe now it will given a precedent has been set.

There’s a thread in AIBU at the moment about a really disgusting comment a Y7 boy made to a girl- majority of the comments seem to say that a boy shouldn’t receive a harsh punishment for a ‘throwaway’ comment. The problem is that girls in ‘normal schools’ won’t have their voice listened to, not that they won’t have a voice. The Daily Mail ( and Times- practically the same as the Mail these days) just won’t be interested.

@Stircrazyschoolmum
sorry I didn't include your name - i am in agreement it isn't just an issue at the schools that have been mentioned so far...
I agree that it is great that girls are speaking up and hopefully it will lead to increased awareness from teachers, parents and wider society, which will lead to change.
However, I don’t think it is because of the schools they went to that they have the confidence to speak out - the schools they went to sadly means they were targeted by the boys at the schools in focus right now, they are largely sister schools. Therefore of course they are the girls who have rightly spoken out. I imagine sadly that there are dossiers also being drawn up at many state schools (you are right this issue isn’t specific to sw London private schools) - but when this happens, girls at state schools who are affected will be the ones to speak up - it isn’t fair to say girls at state school don’t have a voice!
Likewise, it isn’t fair to say state school boys feel pressure to be part of a gang - a systemic issue with the schools in question at the moment is the elitist and arrogant attitude which breeds the city boy and won’t take no for an answer. I have worked as the only woman on a trading floor and the old boys’ network from schools like this is still rife. Parents who pay for their sons’ education at some of these schools are doing so in the hope they will be part of these networks, believing it will make life easier for them at university and career-wise. However, the darker side of this exclusivity is now apparent and needs to be addressed.

@Londonmummy66

Really?! I ask this as a parent whose son nearly went to DC but we went with another offer at eleventh hour. Now I am left questioning whether we are the sort of parents that buy into this culture...

I agree that it is great that girls are speaking up and hopefully it will lead to increased awareness from teachers, parents and wider society, which will lead to change.
However, I don’t think it is because of the schools they went to that they have the confidence to speak out - the schools they went to sadly means they were targeted by the boys at the schools in focus right now, they are largely sister schools. Therefore of course they are the girls who have rightly spoken out. I imagine sadly that there are dossiers also being drawn up at many state schools (you are right this issue isn’t specific to sw London private schools) - but when this happens, girls at state schools who are affected will be the ones to speak up - it isn’t fair to say girls at state school don’t have a voice!
Likewise, it isn’t fair to say state school boys feel pressure to be part of a gang - a systemic issue with the schools in question at the moment is the elitist and arrogant attitude which breeds the city boy and won’t take no for an answer. I have worked as the only woman on a trading floor and the old boys’ network from schools like this is still rife. Parents who pay for their sons’ education at some of these schools are doing so in the hope they will be part of these networks, believing it will make life easier for them at university and career-wise. However, the darker side of this exclusivity is now apparent and needs to be addressed.

I'm sure the schools would be very relieved to hand responsibility for investigating to the police but the accusations are anonymous. Without a name of either the victim or accused where would the police start?

It’s interesting to read posts from others who know the schools well. We went for the school pp said was less alpha-ish, making me feel a bit emotional re a boy from there said to more likely to walk you home.

Yes, it is a criminal offense for the police.

we didn’t apply to DC but did another Dulwich school and know many at the two schools mentioned

It should be addressed properly by the police not swept under the carpet by the Schools internal process

I have such little thoughts:

1. The media is outraged by the comments that boys from private schools directed towards girls. This is indecent. I have a doubt, however, is it fair to call the boys of these schools "sexual predators"? About 1,500 students study at Dulwich College. It is very unfair to call them all "sexual predators". I do not think that collective responsibility is an attribute of modern society. How do the families of intelligent and nice boys who study at this school feel in this situation? The boys whom the whole country calls "sexual predators" without thinking about how many of them committed the abovementioned actions.
2. I visited the website www.everyonesinvited.uk/.

@doomball I think you make a number of valid points. I’m definitely of the mind that you can’t have one rule for one gender and a different one for the other. It’s not acceptable for girls to rate, circulate pictures or verbally harass boys and vice versa. None of this is helped by the media or cultural stereotypes..

I said this on a thread already, but part of me feels pleased and proud that our younger generation is speaking out and standing up for what they believe. It doesn’t surprise me given the schools they have attended as they have been given the confidence and self esteem to speak out. (Sometimes misguidedly but with the best intentions.)

So where does this leave state? The girls who don’t feel they have a voice, the boys who feel pressured to be one of the gang. As others have said, this issue extends far wider than some privileged SW London schools. I’d like to see it addressed for all. That’s where ‘everyone’s invited’ had a niche.. it wasn’t about your school it was about your experience.

My DC are on the fringes of this social set - one reason they are out of London boarding for 6th form. It is really interesting to read the comments that the Alleyns boys don't have this reputation - this is well known as is the reputation of the Dulwich boys amongst the teenage girls I know. (One comment made yesterday was that if you were drunk an Alleyns boy is more likely to walk you home than abuse you.) I think that there is a lot to be said for the culture of the school leading to this toxicity and also the degree of self selection of that culture by the boys who attend - most of whom will have a number of school places to choose from.

It was really shocking though to read that a girl was raped at a JAGS prom - that isn't on the parents is it if it happened on school premises.

@rosemary201 - your post appeared whilst I was typing. I think it would be a thoroughly good thing if it was acknowledge that every school has, or could have, this issue at any time. It might help if it was seen as a form of bullying. It probably will rear its ugly head, but there should be no doubt about its unacceptability, and it needs tackling both proactively as well,as reactively

@Notmynom - I'm not persuaded that they do. Toxic masculinity can occur anywhere, and the major lesson we can should be taking from thus is how to teach young men not to be creeps

I also doubt that it the problem is endemic in the schools that have hit the press. What we are seeing here is, I think, the 'party set' at their full obnoxious worst. And their excesses are by and large outside the school but feeding back in. I've even heard parents condoning it - eg not challenging their young teen boys when they and their friends are talking about all the girls as such-and-such a school being 'slags' (or getting their boy away from the toxic group)

I agree with doomball - schools have a role, but so do parents and wider society

@mrspatmore There are quite a few stories about CLSB on the everyone's invited page. I suppose the difference is there hasn't been an "open letter" collating them.