Dulwich College a “breeding ground for sexual predators”

@dillydally fair point - but I absolutely disagree with you and think that’s it’s ridiculous to blame sexual violence against women on one demographic of men within society. By extending the argument to talk about Boris Johnson if feels more like a generalised “dig” against rich people which suggests you have a wider axe to grind beyond that of sexual abuse.

@Jamiebond789. Can you please read OP’s title? This thread is about a certain school? Of course I am painfully aware of other crimes in state schools and against children in care but I am talking about the sort of allegations the boys from DC (the title thread) are having made against them and the type of person who they might look to which might have a small amount to do with their attitudes. I am explaining that culture is in part distilled from the belief systems at the very top. I thought that was what debate was - discuss the question put to you ie the title thread!!!!

@dillydaffy stop trying to politicise this issue into something that is solely about a “certain type of wealthy white privileged man”. It trivialises the abuse that is suffered by girls at state schools and every walk of life.

Perhaps the boys who now attend the types of institution that the leader of this country went to, see his being elected as a sort of validation of that type of masculinity. Maybe some of them also aspire to become the sort of men who says things like ...

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.indy100.com/news/international-womens-day-boris-johnson-sexism-quotes-9385281%3famp

Dulwich College is not the victim here.

This culture is undoubtedly a problem at many schools, and yes there is a wider and pervasive societal problem - but none of that means that DC is doing fine. They need to have a good hard look at this and start tackling the problem that exists in the school - that letter is harrowing. Saying that the same thing is happening down the road at Forest Hill is no excuse.

And to those pointing out that much of the behaviour is illegal so where are the police... really? You know very well how the vast majority of sexual assault cases work out for the victims.

The culture of a country disseminates from the top. Any woman who voted for a man like Trump or a man like Boris perhaps needs to have a long hard think about her decision, as they are both known for the most awful treatment of, and views about women. We took a step backward when both of those men took up office.

My daughter left JAGS recently she is a very sociable child with a wide circle of friends from Dulwich College. She went to lots of parties but she never had any problems. The boys always looked after her making sure she got home safely, etc. She never heard any rumors so she was shocked to read the open letter. This makes me suspect it was a small minority of boys who behaved in this completely unacceptable way.

My heart goes out to these young girls and I hope by sharing their stories we can start to put in place long-term changes in behavior.

The Highate testimonies are harrowing docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-1vQI6oq9hag7lrGWm49D90z_aWSZ6Wsu40sTIfmAc5pr5NIgfh3PWzgaWS44DZ_Sui663AtThWx1beqI/pub

The accounts of how the school has dealt with reported incidents would be a huge red flag for me if I were considering sending a DC there.

Wow this has snowballed.

Disagree 100% that there is a 'type' of boy or parent at DC. It's a massive school (220 boys per year) with large contingents on bursaries/from overseas. To suggest that such a community produces a homogenous boy is fundamentally flawed.

There are alpha males everywhere in society. The website testimonies cover schools and universities across the country and across the state / independent range.

That DC has these boys is not in question. That the school should be labelled a "breeding ground for predatory behaviour" is the question being asked. As @doomball has put it eloquently a number of times, this is a massive societal issue. Schools can play their part at educating these young men, parents play their part - which is arguably more critical - but a more fundamental societal shift is required.

All boys schools do not breed entitled misogynists. All boys schools can offer something quite special to the less confident boy, and DC (like any school) has its share of those.

It's so easy for people on here to point fingers at individual schools. The testimonies on the website could have been written about many boys from many schools over a prolonged time period. This is an issue that affects everyone and an issue that everyone collectively has to join in addressing.

I for one stand by my choice of schools for DS.

That’s undoubtedly true, but children at ‘bog-standard comps’ and ‘run-of-the mill schools’ have faced the same when things go awry since the beginning of time. It’s just how it goes

Agree that it's everywhere

Don't agree that we should accept it as just how it goes.

@Jamiebond789 Highgate is in The Times today
www.thetimes.co.uk/article/rape-normal-at-private-school-says-dossier-of-170-testimonies-5mqmp22jg

www.hamhigh.co.uk/news/highgate-school-rape-culture-investigation-everyones-invited-7847428

Highgate school now has a letter. It’s an independent school but not a “famous” one hence it’s only made it to the local news. Seriously, don’t kid yourself that this issue is the preserve of super elite schools.

Really? So many people on this thread and others ahve said this is symptomatic of privilege - ie only exists in these exclusive schools. I think a LOT of people are sticking their heads in the sands that this is actually a pervasive problem

Equally, it is evident from this thread that lots of people assume only rich kids are assholes

I don’t see any evidence of that at all and I’d be very surprised indeed if anyone thought so.

@KillingEvenings perhaps.
Except I have often heard phrases such as 'Oh we had to send him/her private because they'd have been eaten alive at the local school', signifying a belief that paying insulates a child from the rougher aspects of being a school pupil. I don't think anyone who sends their children into the state system (either through choice or more likely necessity) is under any illusions as to what that might be like. i suspect that is less likely to be the case if one pays.

Missing hyphen in my compound adjective, there. I’m afraid I went to a sub-run-of-the-mill school

Everyone keeps avoiding the elephant in the room which is that sexual violence has almost certainly become worse and that this is a result of PORN.

Rape is wrong in real life. Why is allowed to be shown on websites? Why can young boys access it and see it as their first experience of sex?

Of course this is going to diminish their approach and their sensitivity around issues of consent with girls and women if they've seen women raped, gang raped, anal raped, just raped and raped and raped online.

If you see it online it starts to make it feel more real and a possibility in real life.

I don't think the age of consent needs to be changed but we do need to make pornography less available to young minds which is changing the way they see relationships.

Why else would all young women now shave off their pubic hair, consider changing their labias and over half of them have tried anal sex.

None of this happened when I was young - and there was no access to pornography.

It's because of the influence of porn.

We see it has changed how women present themselves "for sex/in a sexualised way" and we see with men it has changed their expectations around how they view consent.

I went to a London public school. There were parties and alcohol but there was no groping, no rapes and no rape jokes and no issues of consent ever.

It just never ever happened. No rumours, nothing.

Society in the last 25 years has changed rapidly. First the internet, then high-speed access (ADSL) whose introduction to the masses notably correlated with a huge increase of trips to the doctor for erectile dysfunction (the advent of porn).

Why can't we see this for what is it? Our young adults are being exposed to illegal activity within porn such as rape, snuff sex etc and it's blurring the lines between fantasy and reality.

That is where the change is needed.

This is a very hard situation for parents at DC especially if their DS’ are innocent parties.

That’s undoubtedly true, but children at ‘bog-standard comps’ and ‘run-of-the mill schools’ have faced the same when things go awry since the beginning of time. It’s just how it goes.

I think people naively assume that if they are paying upwards of £20000 a year to a ‘top’ school they will be comfortably insulated from issues that occur at other ‘lesser’ schools. These testimonies prove they are wrong in that assumption.

Also, for what it's worth, I have spent a fair bit of my professional life working with organisations which work with disadvantaged and vulnerable children (including children in care etc). The sexual and other forms of abuse that quite a lot of these young people suffer at the hands of their peers is horrendous. But as others have said, the Sunday Times tends not to give it quite so many column inches.

1. Sexual abuse and misogyny which pervade our society and need to be stamped out wherever found.
2. Over representation of elite privately educated men in top jobs and politics.

Don't get me wrong I agree both are wrong but I think conflating them makes it less likely that we can effectively tackle the former.

I also worry about the message the focus on the 'famous' school stories is sending to girls who have posted testimonies on Everyone's Invited about their experiences at the hands of boys from more run of the mill schools. Just because the abuser wasn't privileged doesn't mean the abuse was any less awful yet their voices are not being amplified in the same way and their experiences risk being dismissed altogether if we chalk this up as a 'private school' problem.

This is a very hard situation for parents at DC especially if their DS’ are innocent parties. The problem with these open letters is the collateral damage they cause and it very easy for those not directly impacted to declare that they should just suck it up for the greater good of the victims. The world and out legal system doesn’t work this way and I don’t doubt that the schools involved who have launched investigations to help improve processes (and weed out predators) will, depending on their findings, also be carefully considering the case for libel.

NC for this one.

My DS' prep sends most of its boys on to Dulwich - enough that they usually account for about 1/4 of the number in Dulwich's year 9.

However, when it comes to choosing next schools they are pretty clear that Dulwich is a better fit for the sporty, outgoing "boy's boys" and that they need a certain level of hardiness/confidence to thrive there. So the very academic/nerdy boys are guided to Westminster or KCS (both now having similar problems to Dulwich), the sensitive/arty/musical boys to Trinity or Alleyn's (although as PP have noted with the caveat that this requires a certain level of social adeptness) and then the sporty/ all-rounders to Dulwich or Whitgift.

Now obviously some very nerdy/sensitive boys do still choose Dulwich for all sorts of reasons (and I know lots of lovely boys at DC who would not dream of behaving in the ways described) but within DS' prep school there is a sort of informal filtering out of the boys who don't fit the mould or display less stereotypically masculine traits.

If the same is happening in other Prep schools then it would make for a very alpha-male intake to DC at the senior level.

To be fair to DC, I imagine this is pretty hard to change although they do seem to be trying. They invited us to talks to stress they didn't see themselves as just a 'rugby' school, valued all types of achievement and emphasise their focus on welfare and kindness. But most of the quirky boys from DS' prep still chose to go elsewhere. Not quite sure how they break that cycle.