Yr9 girl refusing school - what happens?

That's great news OP. Really pleased she's had a good experience getting back to school.

An EHCP will help DD. They can include MH support, SALT, OT and social skills training. All of which sound as though they would be beneficial to DD, and they will include the points you mention in your post today at 11.48. A needs assessment alone could help DD, not least by highlighting needs you may not be aware of and providing DD with an assessment by a psychiatrist or CP.

At this point you don't need to consider legal action, you may not even need to appeal, so you have nothing to lose by submitting the EHCNA request.

Unfortunately, the system as it is means those whose parents know what the LA should be providing, can navigate the system and hold the LA to account get more support.

The school could make a reasonable adjustment with the seating plan.

theteachesofpeaches that's so true. LAs and some schools spout nonsense and perpetuate myths.

What 10brokengreenbottles said. Read up on the law around EHCPNA. Don't listen to what the school/LA tell you as it's usually wrong!

Hi OP. My DDs do the occasional online class with Outschool. They are an online tutoring platform but we mainly used it for fun stuff during lockdown (a Descendants themed escape room for example) They have thousands of classes and have ones that teach social skills.
There’s a few books if you Google. One called Social Skills Activities for kids.

I hope today goes well.

You don't need a diagnosis for an EHCNA. The threshold is a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP. If DD is not managing to attend school full time due to her MH she meets that test. Any other test (e.g. school must have spent £6k, be 2 years behind, 2 assess/plan/do/review cycles...) is unlawful. EHCPs are needs led, not diagnosis based.

Ah right, that explains the uniform thing. Would she be able to wear that year round? Seems like a quick 'win'.

I do agree with them on not liking the after Easter bit. Depending on when they break up, it could be a whole month away before she returns. That is a long time to be away. You could start small, drive past school, drive up and park, drive park and get out the car etc. Take baby steps and give her time to make a plan.

Good that she will have a time out pass, they have worked well with students I've taught before.

Having time to get used to the idea isn't generally a good thing for such a prolonged period. Instead the anxiety of return and the 'unknown' increases daily. By being back on site, it doesn't mean attending lessons. It just means walking into the building, perhaps for a chat with her HOY or similar. I know nothing is 'normal' at the moment but that doesn't change the underlying principles of anxiety. As PPs have described, desensitisation is needed. Sitting outside, is that for break and lunch, or lesson time?

You mention a uniform change, is that a private school? If so, expectations may be different, both from them and you.

Ideally you want to be able to agree with school, before Easter, how and when she will return. Will there be time out passes? Can she have uniform modifications? Is there somewhere she can go if it all gets too much? Could a phased return be a good idea?

Can you please google infant reflexes not going dormant and see if this applies to your daughter. I was able to help my son with sensory issues after using a brushing techique focussed on triggering his infant reflexes to go dormant. The full brushing programme is 5mins a day for 12 months but he achieved significant changes in 3 months. I did the sound therapy with him and that helped a little bit but the brushing was like magic. It was developed after the founder watched how babies traced their faces etc in the womb and the brushing techniques follow this patterns.
My daughter has anxiety - please practise asking your daughter deeper level questions about what she is trying to achieve from the things she is asking for - what needs is she trying to satisfy. The need for a quieter environment is obvious - but how does this exactly in her mind help her and then brain storm if this need can be satisfied in other ways.

What did you suggest to school that would help her get back in? It's difficult to give her somewhere to 'go'. At the moment, these spaces are very limited/impossible due to covid requirements. Where I teach she could have a 5 minute time out pass and wait in the corridor but that would be about it. We would offer a PT timetable to support reintegration and attendance.

I think you need to try and get her on site before Easter if possible.

Would recommend you join a group on Facebook called Not Fine In School. It's full of other parents dealing with similar.

I'd just say, your daughter has other opportunities outside school (along with the rest of her whole life) to develop social skills. Forcing her into a situation (which I can see you are not at present, but it's clear you think school is best for her) that disrupts her mental health at this age could have long lasting consequences.

Good luck, it's a really stressful position to be in.

I’m sorry to hear that, sadly of all disabilities it seems very hard for them to give young people with sensory processing disorders access in a way they can cope but still get an education

I’m sure you’re already thinking about September and year 10, have you thought anymore about applying for an EHCP ?

Chats? That’s awful. Not at all dealing with the issue.

My son is currently refusing and it’s all anxiety based. What if people laugh at me? What if I get something wrong? Etc etc. He has absolutely no symptoms of anything else going on. It’s stressing me out so much. I’m a psychologist/CBT therapist and nothing I say seems to help!

If the noise is the only trigger then have you considered Auditory Processing Disorder? My daughter has it and can find loud busy environments extremely upsetting. When she was diagnosed everything made sense and school have made several adjustments for her and have been fabulous.

My son had about 50% attendance in s3 (we’re in Scotland, roughly year 9 equivalent). He was doing more than fine academically, but the environment didn’t suit him to the point it was making him ill, and he was on medication for tension headaches. I withdrew him and home educated for a year. We didn’t use tutors or online schools, but followed the syllabus independently. Without the pressure of school attendance he went from multiple migraines a week, to one in that entire year. He did well on his exams, got a place at college, and is now at uni. But I think if I’d tried to force school he might just have ended up dropping out as soon as he was allowed.

I would get her private cbt sessions now so she can talk through her anxiety with a professional and get coping strategies.
Userones advice looks good for getting her back to school even if only for a lesson a day.
If you keep her at home I think her fear of school will mount and it will be harder to go back.
If money were no object maybe you could move her to a small non selective private school. I don’t think the home learning experience will be as good now the majority are back in school and it is better to be in school for the social interaction, sport, music etc

@BananaBreakfast dd left a huge mainstream secondary. Her current school has just 30 pupils which means sensory difficulties are reduced considerably anyway but the environment is geared to avoid overload as well. There are no classroom displays no flickering overhead lights, no whiteboards, no bells, no corridors to speak of, classes have five pupils max, often there are two or three, the OT is in school and in class and adjustments are made as routine. There are just three lessons a day to cut down on transitions and movement. It was a battle but it's worth it.
My advice would be if at any point in the EHCP process you are refused then appeal to SENDIST. Our LA and I expect many others refuse hoping parents will be discouraged but at SENDIST our LA lose almost 99% of appeals. If you can, commission independent ed psych, SALT and OT reports and there is support available from IPSEA and SOSSEN to help you every step of the way.