How common is sexual harassment in secondary schools?

It is very common but schools are in denial. Most of it goes unreported. Things like pinging bra straps, touching, making comments - every day.

Schools incorrectly don't define this low-level stuff as harassment and focus only on sexual assault or persistent harassment.

They deal with it at my children's school. But importantly they're also teach what harassment is, so students can recognise it and know that it's wrong. When I was young, getting a wolf whistle was seen as a compliment. There has been a gradual cultural shift since then. It was never going to change overnight.

But you can't talk about the responsibilities of schools and parents without also talking about the significant influence of the media. I grew up seeing women on tv as objects of desire that need rescuing and usually melt into the arms of their protectors, sometimes with a slap across the face to remind them who's boss. Now young people see much stronger female characters, but they're often sexually confident and promiscuous and that's seen as a normal way to be. It spices up TV, but it doesn't reflect real life and is damaging.

Girls haven’t reported harassment because no one deals with it.

Parents teach children. We really cannot rely on schools. Parents have the ultimate responsibility for bringing up decent human beings.

However, some Parents don’t seem to bother about what some boys are like. They are laddish but parents think that’s ok. The dads are/were probably like it themselves. They were the wolf-whistlers, the ones who leered out of car windows, the name callers, the ones who laughed at the sporty girls with no make up. How are we going to get boys and men to be pleasant when some are clearly not taught manners and common decency from a young age?

Sexual harassment should be covered under the Behaviour and Anti-Bullying policies. If it isn't, you can complain to governors.

Education about harassment should be covered in the SRE policy, and is part of the new compulsory SRE curriculum.

They girls learn that they report abuse and it doesn’t stop.

It’s not dealt with. It’s not taken seriously.

Both my DDs have experienced - one is particularly feisty and gave him a few sharp kicks in the shin! He then retreated and shouted abuse, in front of a teacher who never stepped in.

They learn to put up and shut up.

Until you change the culture and have a sexual harassment policy when parents are called in and boys removed then it will continue.

If you look at many secondary school posts, there are lots of people who want co Ed schools because they mirror “real life”. They certainly do. But not in a way they want to think about!

My DDs went to girls boarding schools. At least any unwanted behaviour was confined to outside school. They know what behaviour they want and only accept its on that basis being around them. They didn’t want boys at school but chose their own trusted male friends.

Obviously most boys are pleasant and decent but at least at a girls’ school you get to avoid these boys in lessons making comments and making the girls feel uncomfortable with nasty nicknames etc. These types of boys don’t care what anyone thinks of them. I’ve heard plenty of tales from DDs friends at co Ed schools to know its rife. They tend to be small groups of like minded boys. I blame their parents. Not the schools. But schools need to act of girls report this type of behaviour.

It is common in my experience unfortunately. I work in schools and the language and attitude from some boys towards girls is horrid. Comments about weight, looks & slut shaming are commonplace.

The one thing my dd did mention feeling uncomfortable about was her head of year's unhealthy obsession with the length of girls' skirts. Ostensibly in relation to policing school uniform requirements, but dd said that his constant comments on skirt length (not hers) made her feel really uneasy.

At school I experienced numerous encounters with several boys who each tried touching me up my skirt under the tables during lessons. It was just very normalised
If it happened to me that many times I’m sure it happened to many other girls too

I read a fair bit about this since DD was born, and was especially concerned to read that it doesn't just happen at secondary level, primary children suffer too.

It was also particularly worrying that often nothing is done, and the girls may be left to continue in class with the boys who harassed them (or worse), borne out by a PP above. Their only alternative can be to move schools which is essentially double punishment for the girl involved.

While I realise that sexual harassment in any school is hopefully rare, that girls' schools have their own issues, and unpleasant things can happen anywhere, it was one of the several factors in our decision to send DD to an all-girls' secondary in September.

I think it depends on the school. Mine had a teacher jailed for sex with a student. A piano teacher and supply teachers than liked to rub girls shoulders and thighs. Then a boy who would only stop groping and harassing me when I threatened to have my bf find him after school.

The problem here is that there will only be an idea of the amount of sexual harassment in schools if it is reported.

Does the culture in schools encourage it? Do the boys and girls understand exactly what it is or is a lot of it passed off as 'banter'?

As I said on another thread, many men seem to be unaware that their comments/actions are harassment - perhaps this starts in schools because 'boys being boys' is tolerated? Given the threads about school uniform it would still seem that girls are being blamed for what they wear. Actually I'm willing to bet it's actually pretty bad.

I think you'll get a very different perspective depending on who you ask - the girls at mixed schools who are 'in the field' will no doubt say it's more prevalent than the head teacher might think because - as with society in general - how often does 'lower level' harassment get reported? Indeed, harassment of a more significant level often goes undeclared too sadly.

I'm in my 30s, sexually harassed by my male physics teacher in secondary school.

I'm older than you, @Cindersrellie, but can't help but wonder if we went to the same school.

My dd is 15, and we have been talking about this recently. She has never experienced any sexual harassment in school. She has encountered sexist comments, which she has challenged vociferously. Her particular group of friends are nice kids, though, and I suspect that some of the other girls in her year are exposed to much more questionable behaviour.

Unfortunately it's not just the boys at school that our girls need to be prepared for.
graveneystoriesofsexism (itself inspired by stories of racism at the same school) has inspired similar accounts from other schools in the area.

@Giggorata when you say constant do you mean inside schools, at parties, walking down the streets?

The teenage girls I work with tell me that it is constant.

Sexual talk and sex based insults, comments about appearance, upskirting, talk about porn and images on phones, groping, etc.
Judged about appearance, especially by boys.

The atmosphere created by all this is one of being constantly on show, on guard and uneasy.
As it causes harassment, alarm and distress, it amounts to assault, as defined in law.

It's not really big news, is it?
Basic everyday sexism and harassment., which we have been trying to address for decades. 🙁

There is a website circulating a the moment called 'Everyone's invited'. It makes very uncomfortable reading. As a parent of a daughter just about to start secondary and a son who is mid way through I found it quite appalling that some of the incidents described were still happening in modern society.

30 years ago this stuff was rife at my co-ed state comp.. I (naively?) thought things had moved on. I'm not blaming the schools as such, but with all the awareness/PSHE focus I thought there would be more respect and less exploitation. Unfortunately social media and the ability to share words/images so fast and so widely seems to have exacerbated the problem.

As a parent you want to protect your children, and educate them to protect themselves. But simultaneously I don't want to bubble wrap them or over react.. its a tough one.

This thread may be relevant:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4191967-it-s-not-just-women-that-aren-t-safe-it-s-girls

My DD is Yr9. Lots of inappropriate chatter about sex, masturbation and porn. She's been shown images on a boys phone that she didn't want to see. So, the atmosphere is one she's not happy with around that. This hasn't translated into any physical issues. But I think it's borderline that this is harassment as it's unwanted.

I'm in my 30s, sexually harassed by my male physics teacher in secondary school.

It's rare, but it happens. It happened to my DD in Yr 8, she's still dealing with the trauma. The boy responsible never faced any consequences.