Have we made the wrong independent choice?

siblings should def be treated as individuals.

but on the GDST point, there aren't lots of them in central London. there are lots in SW London but only Blackheath and Bromley in SE. So I wouldn't put too much store in being able to easily move from one to another?

@Angrymum22 yes it is true. Also one of my friends mum is a head teacher in independent school. She said to me Eltham College higher in rating is not because of they teach better or their education is better then Blackhwath. - she said it is because they pick all academic students from other school for year 3 ( they do not start in nursery or reception) but Blackheath starts in nursery and everybody awares that it is not easy to make assesment for 3 years old kid and make sure if she/he is academic or not. This is why their ratings are lower. Because kid who goes to independent school doesnt mean that she/he will achieve good grades. Some kids are not academic and it is super normal. This is why I am confused. When ı visitted both schools Blackheath is so lovely environment for girls, girls was so kind. Eltham vollege was boys only till 2020 so ı am not if my DC2 will be hopy there. There are about 360 boys and 40 girls in the school currently. She will bein year 3 next year and she has chance to try 8+ or 11+ assesment if she would like to. Also ı was told that in GDST schools it is really easy to transfer other GDST school so if we move in future we dont have to worry about the transfering them. There are lots if great GDST girls only schools in central london. And also for the pick up and drop off - ofcourse we can arrange coach or brekfast or/after school club but those are all cost, effort, time and money. That was the reasons we chosed Blackheath hope it is the right option🙏🏻

Ranking is based purely on exam results of past pupils and nothing else. Selective independent schools market themselves on results so will make sure that pupils achieve, it’s just how they roll, however they will provide very different experiences re education, enrichment and pastoral
provision.
Their ranking also goes up and down. The margins from year to year can be very small. Look for consistency in results year on year rather than ranking nationally.
DS’s school ranking has gone up and down nationally but has remained top for the local area. They have quite a strict policy re academic ability and borderline children are asked to leave if they are struggling. It is not to maintain results but to avoid unnecessary pressure on the child. However some parents choose to provide additional tutoring to try and avoid this. Eventually this can backfire and because entry to 6th requires minimum grade 6 GCSE in English and Maths along with same for subjects to be studied at A level. They do like a child with a endemic ability across all subjects.
It’s a lot of pressure to put on a less academic child. Tutoring to pass an entrance test can spectacularly misfire. I have seen a number of families struggle when one child is naturally more academic than another and end up with three children at three different schools - a logistic nightmare.

Haha, oops!

The OP was a year ago..... She has probably made her decision by now

Just wanted to add to the voices saying you need to treat them as individuals and choose schools accordingly.

Remember that when they are in primary having two different schools is a huge faff because you have two drop offs/pick ups, two sports days, two nativities etc etc. Secondary really isn't like that- kids make their own way to school and there are far fewer events requiring parental input- in fact teachers are generally desperate to encourage you not to get too involved as they're so fed up of helicopter parents not allowing the kids to step up. So if you're worried about that aspect, don't be!

OP you really need to treat your children individually when it comes to school choice. I have twins who started senior school this year. We agonised over where to send them as they are very different in terms of academic ability. We really tried to find a school that would suit them both but finally came to the realisation that by doing this, we were doing them both a disservice. They are now both really happy at schools that are the polar opposites of each other.

Eltham rank higher than Blackheath, but Blackheath is an excellent school My attitude would be place your child in the highest ranked school that's right for them.

It may be worth sending your DC1 to her top choice (Blackheath) and try DC2 at Eltham which sounds right for her, with your husband make adjustment to take one of them to breakfast club?

Another way is to move close to one school, so its a much easier run. Easier said than done of course.

Its difficult because they each sound suited to their individual schools.

I would post this as a separate question, as this is an old thread and get parents advice from each school.

@newsibling123 hi, thanks for the reply. I spoke with the school coach services yes they do have şbut they pick up kids around 7:20 and again ı need to go bus stop where the bus stop takes children. My daughters do not like travelling in the car and they have car sick so it is not practical for us. Do u think Elham College much better the Blackheath? My DC1 is so above average she is 6 and she knows all time tables etc, her english is also so good. She is in state primary now and her teacher said she will do good in everywhere even in her current school but ı know so many parents eho stıdy their children to have place in Eltham College. So diffucult to decide:/

and declined one which is ranked in top 50

So you might not have that place now at all?

Is this school Emanuel by any chance? The ranking and the sibling policy would fit

It won't be - OP says in the 'late 100s' and Emanuel (whose standards have shot up in recent years) is 99th so probably nearly 100 places out

As you get to know parents at the school, perhaps you can share lifts, or as they are already 11+ they could use transport and go themselves soon?

Hi everyone,
I am in the same situation. My DC1 done 11+ this year and she had offer fromBlackheath High GDST school which was her 1st choice so ı am happy for her. But in the same time my DC2 did 7+ This year and she had 4 offers, including ELtham College. But unfortunately the schools are in totally different directions from our home and schools was starts and finish in the same time. My husband is really busy man with his work he lives home at 6am so ı have to do all pick ups and drop offs. I drive but ı had to put one of my girl to breakfast and after school club and both of them didnt want to go to the breakfast club. My younger daughter is happy to go to her older sisters schools but I am still thinking if ı had the right decision. Eltham College addmissions told me that DC2 can try 8+ assesment next year if we are unhappy with the decision we made. Meanwhile my DC1 didnt want to go to Eltham College because it was boys only school and recently became co-ed. So its really difficult decision🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Agree with everyone you need to focus on one child at a time. Ignore the rankings - we turned down a top 50 school for lower ranking one because it was a better fit, yet still very academic. I'd let what your child feels and wants weigh in quite a bit here too - without putting any pressure on him concerning his brother.

Op, do tell us what you decide in the end, or if it has all turned out to be decided by the timescales of acceptance or turning down now anyway.

Hope you get what you are most happy with and have no regrets.

I'm quite shocked at the way you have spoken about your ds2 tbo. You said he is year 3. Which makes him 7 or 8. Bit early to tell how academic he is. Or to write him off if he can't get into one particular school. As for being the type to be upset that he went state while his brother went private... Seriously?

For ds1, go for the school that suits him. Then help ds2 into the school that suits him. In a few years time.

Couldn’t agree more with @elloelloelloah. Lovely nurturing school.

Is this school Emanuel by any chance? The ranking and the sibling policy would fit...

If so, I couldn't recommend it more highly.
They don't particularly focus on rankings as the family ethos is an important USP (hence a generous sibling policy and resultant lower ranking when compared against other independents who don't have the same priorities) but the new head has driven up academic standards significantly and the results are improving year on year. Being a sibling does not guarantee entry but the academic hurdle (which rises year on year) is certainly lower for a sibling than another child.

I have 2 DC at Emanuel. Both are extremely happy there. It comes across as a very happy school and I'm sure this is helped by exceptional pastoral support that is totally enmeshed in all the school provides. I have friends who have DC at more 'academic' schools who are not nearly as happy or as supported as the children at Emanuel.

My eldest is more academic than my youngest who probably benefitted from the sibling policy when they took the entrance exam. Both are very different and thriving in different ways.

The school have a benchmark as to what they expect from each child and if a child drops below this the child and the parent are made aware and the child carefully monitored. If a child performs below expectations (for them) the school has a system that flags this. So if your DC has the potential to be a high performer they will not get away with just coasting. If their academic performance is not at a level the school believes it should be, you and your DC will know about it. There are a lot of very, very bright children at the school who could have gone to much more selective independents but who chose the more laid back and less overtly competitive feel of Emanuel.

So please don't worry OP if you have chosen Emanuel - it really is a great choice with the added benefit of your younger child having a better chance of also benefitting from all it has to offer

(Retired teacher). I'd take the place offered for the older son , because the school suits HIM. The most important thing a school can offer a child, is that they (staff and pupils) enjoy and value each other. Get that right and everything else will fall into place.

Your younger child is developing at a different rate, but that doesn't mean he's less bright OR less academic than his older sib. It's just too soon to tell. So it's also too soon to make any plans or decisions about his future education. Everything might be quite different in a few years.

I think you should be less worried about your younger son's chances of getting into the less academic school if you rescind on your initial acceptance and more worried about getting your eldest into the more academic school now that you have rejected their offer. They might no longer have a place open.

If you have declined the other place I would have thought it would be hard to backtrack on that - it will surely be too late?

It's unlikely there is a sibling policy at either

I would not make a decision on my child's school place based on helping a sibling out. Each child is different - if you can pick the school which is best for them. My twins go to different high schools.

What are the closing dates for acceptance of each?
It could be that the place you declined has already been given to another child and you won’t have the choice to change your mind.

The sibling thing is interesting. Schools don’t operate sibling policies, but if it comes to very borderline cases or 2 people in equal positions in a waiting list, the school will often look to favour the sibling and make an offer. They just have that little bit of flexibility and it makes sense...but it tends to only be around the margins. Where we are, every year a decent chunk of siblings don’t get in. Ive hears the school rings them to let them down gently rather than just via the letter.

So, pick what’s best for DS1. But get in and contact the school you declined if you’ve changed your mind today, because it might already be too late and by next week, will probably be too late....they don’t ha g about with filling places, plus they always over offer anyway as they know everyone won’t accept, so I think it’s fairly likely you’ve missed the boat unfortunately.