Getting rejected from schools

As someone else said, oversubscription numbers can seem artificially high.

Say you’ve got 100 kids, and five schools with 20 places. There are enough places for each child. But every child applies to all five schools - so each school reports 100 kids applying for 20 places, making it seem like they are all hugely oversubscribed. There will be movement as kids accept spaces at their preferred schools where they’re holding multiple offers, hence the existence of wait lists, but it’s the kids who score highest who ‘control’ the movement, as they’ll tend to be the ones with the multiple offers.

I think most selective schools skim off the top 10-15% of applicants in the entrance exam before they worry about who would be a good fit or not.

I imagine that for, say, 100 places they interview the top 300 and then pick the ones they want. They over offer in the knowledge that the children will all have sat for multiple schools but can only attend one. You may find the waitlist moves more than you think - might be worth phoning the school to see where on the list he is.

I honestly think it may be time for us to emigrate to a country with a better and fairer education system.

It is somewhat amusing to see a person who is happy to pay to get a "better" education for their child complaining about fairness 😂

The fact is that, on the day, your DS did not perform as well as others or did not shine at the interview. He just wasn't what they were looking for for some reason. I get it - entrance exams for my DC were one of the most stressful times of my life. The thought that someone might reject my wonderful child(ran) was awful.

I tried to think that a rejection would mean that it wasn't the right school for my child.

You might be able to get feedback from the school as to what went "wrong".

I think it’s odd to ask why a school is very over subscribed when you applied for it.

I wouldn’t compare with this other girl it’s not fair.
I think especially in the independent school system it is to do with exams but also which child would “fit” that school best.

I guess you really know the answer to some if your questions - why do so many apply - well because like you, they think fee paying schools will be better for their kids. Remember, the figures are deceptive though and when 10 apply per place, if they've each applied to 5, but can only take 1 place, the odds of getting a place are not as bad as they first look and most schools significantly over offer because even the very good ones won't be top choice for every applicant.

It's often said that being top table doesn't tell you a whole lot. Primary schools vary a lot and getting to the top table can mean a student is exceptionally clever, or amongst some cohorts, would be below average nationally.

You just can't always tell how they will do in exams. Some super bright kids aren't that well prepped for doing the exams themselves with things like timing, knowing exactly what's required and so don't impress. Others just struggle under exam conditions and don't reflect their true ability. Bright children miss out every year.

Good advice is not to apply to somewhere you aren't interested in. So you got your 3rd choice and it wasn't top, but presumably you were prepared for your child to go there or wouldn't have applied and paid the entrance fee. Some kids get no offers but you've got one that presumably you did like.

In the end its demand and supply. There were other applicants that met the schools criteria more strongly. It is a competitive system and in the top schools there are finite places and far more applicants, so children have to accept they might not get their aspirational place but need to take one that wasn't quite so high on their list. Usually people go onto love the school they go to and can see it suited their child.

Is no good feeling annoyed at the system...you chose to enter it, knowing the risks and that the odds are not in your favour....you mentioned the statistics. Of course not everyone gets places in the very top or the next tier or even the next tier schools.

The key thing is that your child doesn't sense your disappointment or annoyance at the system....that just sets him up to be cross and not pleased with the school he will go to. It's all about building the excitement for the next phase now. Work on the basis the wait list won't come off but build up the offer he has. If the wait list does offer a place, it's an added bonus....you can wait anxiously to hear, but he shouldn't have to do that, but have a sense that he's done well...not that working hard hasn't paid off. It's a mistake to feel like that...without the hard work, perhaps he wouldn't have any offers. No one deserves a place at a top school just because of hard work...it doesn't work like that - they want the cleverest, not the hardest working kids. What a shame if he is feeling strongly discouraged now. Parents are so important in helping their children have a positive attitude all through the process...to know that all the schools you're applying for are good ones, that they do t need to worry because thee will be a good school for them, that you're proud of their efforts and pleased about where they will go to school when the offers come in. It's so important because no-one can be sure if where their child will end up, and starting somewhere feeling its second rate or beneath you as a family or child just isn't a great start.

Hi @cantstopstressing, I think you have the right approach in not letting this 11+ process change your view of your DS. Just because he didn’t get into your top choice school does not mean he is not as capable as others who did get an offer. There is often very little in it - maybe a 1 or 2 % difference in exam scores, they have to draw the line somewhere. It sounds like he is a lovely kid who will do well in most settings. I think you’re also right that the kids themselves are less bothered than their parents!

I would emphasise the fact that he’s done really well to pass the exams in the first place (otherwise he wouldn’t have got interviews). Also, if he’s currently at a state school I’m assuming there’s less chat generally about 11+ exams than there would be at prep schools so hopefully that will help.

Don’t lose faith, you may get good news in the coming days about the waitlist place anyway.

In which case he may continue to be in upper sets at one of those schools but may have not fitted as well academically in the others. Could your prep have perhaps overstated your ds abilities? Are they surprised he did not get a place or waitlisted?

OP I am sorry that you are disappointed and I am sure you are not letting your son see this. As a PP said, big up all you like about the school he has got into. I am sure it is one you like or you wouldn't have applied.

You do understand I hope that the vast vast majority of 10/11yos in England go to a local state school. Even the majority of children in London do so. So please don't blame the "unfair education system".

Surely you must see that if children have to do an exam or other selection test, some will get rejected. And why? I guess because the school is so popular that it can do that. Just the same as when you are one of 30 good applicants for a job you would love and you don't get it.

@cantstopstressing take the positive side of your DS's outcome. The school you like most might not be the best one. When my DS took 11+, he got offers from top indie including WUS, SPJ and super Grammar like QE, Tiffin but not a second-tier indie we think was best for him and my family that time. He ended in a school he is now very happy.

My ds got rejected last week from my top choice school.

I felt a bit miffed for a day and kept questioning why why why. I didn't let ds know how I felt. I have said he's on the waiting list because they know he's got a place at school B and they need to make sure everyone gets a place somewhere. We have bigged up school B and he is really happy

We never let on which was our top choice

Rejection at 10 is a hard lesson especially at the moment when there is not much to make them feel good.

But your ds does have a place, at a school you chose. Your mistake was to pin hopes on a specific one.

because of all the reasons you state

Moving slightly further out would have been an option - I live London/Surrey borders and it is very popular for that reason

You chose to get swept along, entered him for highly selective schools and raised his hopes. You could move almost anywhere in UK and find alternatives, selective and not, fee paying or not. Most children don't go through this process.

Iirc his English skills were comparatively weaker, which may well be a reason why he was not chosen in comparison with others, or maybe he did not do well on the day. Regardless these schools can choose on a whim as they have plenty of similar calibre applicants.

He still has choices, you need to focus positively on those, stop wondering why and making comparisons, and let this go.

You need to change your thinking I think OP.

Firstly dont compare your DS to the girl in his class. Its a different playing field and different applicants. Its a test that she clearly did well in.

Secondly - the applicants for all these schools tend to be the same - everything you have said about your DS is wonderful and great but probably describes most of the children going for them - its just how that part of the system works. It would come down to the smallest of things given the applicants to the places ratio.

And you can simply move out of London where the need for such a system diminishes. There is a completely fair educational system outside of that

The private school system is hardly representative of the country's education system, as it applies to a tiny percentage of people. The vast majority of people just go to one of their local schools and don't get involved in any of these exams at 10/11. Emigrate if you feel it would suit your family but don't blame the education system.

You've answered your own question as to why he may but have got in, the schools are not "super selective" but still only 10% of applicants get a place. It's unlucky that your son didn't get the place he wanted but he has other options, and you said he's ok with it. There's really no point getting upset that another child that you perceive to be less able than him got a place. You have no idea how each child performed on the day. There are lots of people on these threads who didn't get exactly the offers they wanted.

I think there's quite a lot of movement on the waiting list particularly after state results come out and people decide whether to go state or private. So hold on for a couple of weeks and see where you are then.

These are private schools yes?

It felt like a big step and we loved north London but life has been good outside the m25 and in many areas you can pick the schools you want not the other way round

I know this will be annoying but you could just move out of London? We did and it’s so much easier. Lots of space, good schools and easier pace of life.