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Secondary education

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Original poster

I need to talk really frankly about money and fees for private secondary

169 replies

EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 17:52

I’d like to apologise at the outset for speaking so gauchely and brashly about money, and for referencing large amounts of money when some people are going through such an awful time. I have literally no one to discuss this with because who can you talk actual amounts with IRL?

Also, I recognise my privilege, we are extremely lucky, my kids will be fine whatever we do and I’m aware this is not a real “problem”.

DH and I both from very working class backgrounds, first in family to Uni etc. I am trying to figure out whether private secondary will be an option for us financially. I’m looking at Hampton School as an example.

DS1 (very very bright and sporty) is in year 4. By the time he enters secondary school we should, in theory and assuming nothing changes have about £85k in the bank and another 25k in “really mustn’t touch it but can break glass if true emergency” money. This will come incrementally from savings rather than a lump sum.

We will be saving around £25k a year from salaries at this point also.

I estimate fees, lunches and transport to a secondary school like Hampton will cost around 25k a year. So essentially, we will be saving nothing.

We will still be able to spend around 12k a year on holidays, have lots of fun money etc, private health insurance etc. We certainly won’t be scrimping, but will be saving very little, perhaps 4-500 a month.

DS2 is four years behind DS1 so would start in 2027. At this point DH should be earning considerably more than he does now and fees will be less of a concern.

If he dies or other disaster strikes we will have to pull the children out and sell house anyway, life insurance not withstanding.

So basically, is this enough? Would you spend all the money you would otherwise save, on fees? Leaving you with a nest egg of this amount? If you could still a nice lifestyle?

Also we live in a semi detached in a fairly nice area, but I wouldn’t want to be a poor relation in the school. We wouldn’t probably be able to move if committed to fees, although very happy in the house currently.

Thanks if you’ve got this far. This is all very alien to me and I feel I need a steer!

OP posts:
allycat4 · 27/01/2021 21:49

I'm sorry but I'm going to break the consensus - I think you will encounter snobbery. That's no judgement of you, by the way. Just experience!

chillied · 27/01/2021 21:47

I actually wouldn't do it - though I appreciate I know nothing about private schools. Your own salary is very average. So all of the rest of it - the holidays, the school fees for two kids - that's all from the lawyer income. Which sounds as if it can fluctuate? You could instead save up for pension, for university fees, for helping the kids with their housing deposits, with moving house yourselves should you want to...

RedskyBynight · 27/01/2021 21:35

IME secondary school experience is very dependent on the sort of friends your child makes and whether they are in a supportive friendship group. This is, unfortunately, largely a matter of luck.

KihoBebiluPute · 27/01/2021 21:34

You'll be absolutely fine.

Keep saving away till dc1 starts and your buffer will be plenty big enough

The worst that happens is that the few years with 2 sets of fees to pay you maybe only get a £3k holiday. That's really fine.

We have DC in private on a WAY lower income than that. Your DC will not be the poorest.

Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 21:32

The utopia point is very true - I had a rough time at school (although all OK in the end) and don’t want the same for DC, am I feeling that paying will smooth the problems away?

I started hanging out with some Hampton boys during A levels and they just had totally different lives.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 21:29

@Yufnkc we won’t be saving that if we are paying fees. We will be having a nice life and paying school fees with a nest egg of 85ish k but not accruing much more money. Question is if that is comfortable/safe enough.

OP posts:
Atrixie · 27/01/2021 21:28

Scrap the connections expectations. That’s the worst reason to choose a private school and so unlikely to be a factor in their friendships. Equally, I wouldn’t worry about the grounds, teen boys couldn’t give two hoots if their school is on an A road or a country road.

My year 10 tells me that her favourite thing is hanging out making tiktoks in the girls toilets. Their have their toilets wherever she went to school and I imagine the year 10 girls in any school are making tiktoks in the toilets.

I get the wanting to celebrate excellence but took at the state schools: if they’re a good school they’ll celebrate it, I can’t help thinking you might feel that private school is a different utopia but honestly, if you have good state schools you might find it’s not all that different when you get to the crux of it

RosesAndHellebores · 27/01/2021 21:24

We moved ds to a similar school aged 8. We had £100k in the bank, dh had life insurance and if the chips were down we could have sold the semi in zone 2 and bought a much cheaper house 6/7 miles away to free up the equity for both childrens' school fees. Fortunately DH's career and earnings were at the start of an upward trajectory.

However one factor to account for is the rise in fees: £8.5k (all in including expenses when ds started) £21k when he left. A school not far from. Hampton.

Parents were mixed from ultra wealthy to middle class and taking care. Nobody who mattered cared.

We thought carefully about Tiffin and decided that DS who was a natural linguist and more Liberal arts than science inclined would be a square peg there.

When we were paying fees for both it was £37k net income per annum.

Yufnkc · 27/01/2021 21:21

Did I just read that right? You will be saving 25k from salaries each year?savings?

You. Have. More. Than. Enough

Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 21:18

I’m trying to achieve my children having a really nice life filled with ease and comfort and joy. Secondary school seems a pinch point which threatens that maybe? If I can send them to a school which celebrates excellence in beautiful grounds with friends with good connections that might be better than a concrete block on an A road?

That’s it really, I’m not fussed about them getting As or anything.

OP posts:
MsArietty · 27/01/2021 21:09

What are you trying to achieve by sending them private? That would be my first question

My ex dp went to Hampton from a non posh background and loved it. He is a lovely guy and a good advert for the school

Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 21:07

@blowonitthen that’s a brilliant suggestion thank you.

@Frequentflier I will take a look thanks.

@NoToMisogyny I honestly wouldn’t know because I don’t know anything at all about private schools.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 21:05

Yes @Chillypenguin he does have a pension from when he was employed but hasn’t paid in to anything for a 18 months. We will get that sorted this year though.

OP posts:
Chillypenguin · 27/01/2021 21:03

I think it sounds fine, but have I read it right that at 40 your DH doesn’t have a pension at all?! That really needs looking at.

PresentingPercy · 27/01/2021 21:01

At our private school it would have been difficult not finding someone spending £12,000 a year on holidays. And that would just have been on the flights! Not all private schools are the same!

NoToMisogyny · 27/01/2021 20:56

How would you ‘stick out’ when there are children there on 100px bursaries? I know lots of people who have kids at private school. None of them have 12k to spend on holidays every year

Frequentflier · 27/01/2021 20:42

Have you considered the City of London boys school? A lot cheaper than Hamptons and the student body is very down to earth and grounded. You won't stick out.

blowonitthen · 27/01/2021 20:26

After your recent update, I would personally encourage DS1 to try for Tiffins (I assume?) and also some independent schools as a backup.
So DS2 will start school a year before DS1 starts A-levels? If DS2 doesn't get into Tiffin, there's always the private option and you could then give DS1 the option to move into private for A-level?

Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 20:15

Regarding priorities, I’m fairly clear that an independent school fairly far down the list for us. We both went to awful state schools, and have nice fulfilling lives. DS1 has a really good work ethic as someone mentioned above and I am sure would well anywhere. DS2 is a really interesting character and I can see him living on a houseboat handcrafting bongs for a living and growing micro herbs and loving life regardless.

I’d much rather have an “easy” life - shop where I want, buy whatever clothes and shoes the children need, let them do whatever clubs they want, have lovely holidays and buy smelly candles for fifty quid. And have enough money in the bank to feel safe. The school fees would only be considered IF we could do all that and pay the fees.

OP posts:
Gardenista · 27/01/2021 20:15

I would say you can easily afford this, and you won’t be the poor relations either

Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 20:10

DHs salary is a bit in flux at the moment as he only became a partner 18 or so months ago so this is the first year he will get disbursements, and he also received a large bonus this year. The value of his points fluctuates also. But next financial year he should take home about 8k a month plus 10k a year disbursements (all after tax). Then he gets more points the following year etc. When he is on 20 points it’s expected he can transition to an equity partner, providing he meets all criteria, and their annual pre tax salary is about 300k, then fluctuates depending on what you bring in and the value of the points you hold.

I earn 23k/year.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmbMonStu · 27/01/2021 20:02

Thanks all.

We are both in stable occupations... I am a midwife and DH is a junior partner in a law firm, not top tier but top UK 25. So his earnings should increase a fair amount over the next years as he becomes an equity partner.

Pensions is an excellent point, he’s not currently paying in, we certainly plan to start a pension for him this year. I have an NHS pension. We have lots of equity in the house and were thinking this would probably be our pension in the main.

We are both 40.

State schools are..... OK? Mostly rated Good, but the facilities seem lacking, have to get coaches to proper playing fields etc. There are 2 he’s likely to get in to from where we live and both are on an A road.

There’s a super selective grammar nearby which we are in the priority area for, and DS1 would certainly have a chance of getting in. Not sure about DS2 yet. But I’ve heard the boys can be a bit unsociable and it’s very academic, whereas DS1 is also very sporty.

Thanks for the feedback about the lack of snobbery, that’s very reassuring.

OP posts:
ChocolateHoneycomb · 27/01/2021 19:58

Yes you can EASILY afford it, unless your savings from income are your only source of pension now and going into the future. You could spend more than the UK average on a holiday (£2000-2500 for 2 adults and 2 kids according to ONS on a quick google) each summer and still save £9000+ per year.

Realistically most people are saving nothing or almost nothing from income, even using state schools. And most people use state schools.

Most families at our prep are professionals with clearly nothing like your income/savings and pay fees for 1-3 kids. They are prioritising education over holidays/fun money/bigger car etc. So you just need to prioritise, based on your kids and your local school options. You can afford it though.

MarshaBradyo · 27/01/2021 19:53

Can you say your salaries?

It’s easier to get a feel on lifestyle in London plus private

AbstractHeart · 27/01/2021 19:51

Does your "very very bright" DS also have a good work ethic? If so then he should thrive in any decent secondary school & I wouldn't waste your money this way. I say this as a teacher who has worked in both independent and state schools.