Impossible question - but do you think children in private schools are ‘happier’?

As for the MH issues, my experience working in CAMHS was that we saw far more state and grammar school pupils than ones from private school.

Well of course- only around 7% of schoolchildren in the uk access private education.

@Twinkie01 how horrific and sounds like you did absolutely the right thing, so wonderful he is flourishing now.

Wealthy people don’t wait for CAMHS which is unbelievably slow unless there is severe threat (suicidal thoughts eg) and 93% of children are state educated so within CAMHS you are going to have far more children that are state educated.

As for the MH issues, my experience working in CAMHS was that we saw far more state and grammar school pupils than ones from private school.

Surely that's inevitable, given that such a tiny proportion of children go to private schools compared to those in the state sector?

As for the MH issues, my experience working in CAMHS was that we saw far more state and grammar school pupils than ones from private school.

Would there be an element of people seeking private counselling making numbers lower from private sector?

We moved DS in year 9. It was due to not fitting in and bullying which he didn't tell us about and the school minimised until he was threatened with being stabbed unless he took his own life.

He now goes to a private school which isn't selective and he's doing brilliantly. The pastoral care is amazing, the classes are so small that it's pretty obvious if there's a problem and he is much less concerned about appearance and fitting in. There are some v v wealthy families but a lot who are on scholarships (as is DS). He has chosen to go to a private 6th form next year.

He does so much better in a smaller environment and I think is just one of those kids who need to feel important and listened to which he wasn't at his state school.

As for the MH issues, my experience working in CAMHS was that we saw far more state and grammar school pupils than ones from private school.

One of our main drivers was a close by school poor dh had to be driven to a bus stop then a 40 min bus ride each way which was shit for him and meant he had no local pals. The bus was like lots of the flies too.

My friend has made a similar choice for her sons as she set her heart on an academic school - we feel sorry for those lads. My two can walk to their pals houses

We moved DS for yr8 and few joined in his year and more in yr9 ...its really worked for him happiness wise as was lost at o/s state school.. the smaller size and consequently attention has improved his mh no end....however we do have to travel a bit but they have a school bus...so check a wideish area....he not mega academic but bright enough..but hates pressure....maybe find somewhere she'd be less pressured...??

My children are happy at prep but they’re academic types who just thrive in that environment.

However they’re not very outgoing and the school is full of overly confident types which
I would have found difficult and I do wonder if they find it draining.

The money thing is a myth.... I couldn’t tell you who the rich parents are really, most people are like us. I don’t think children notice really, I also went to a private school and I still couldn’t tell you, even in retrospect, who were the wealthy ones

@SoupDragon exactly. And the vast majority of them struggle with their relationships with mobile phones which was the sweeping generalisation that really goaded me by @MrsMiaWallis and that is as a parent and a professional!

@MrsMiaWallis. You have told us all about DD2 and DD3 - so we can have the complete anecdotal picture was DD1 more happy at fee paying school too?

Anyway, this is ridiculous as there are as many different state schools are there are private and as many different children with different personalities.

@RedskyAtnight. Agree. It was the sweeping phone generalisation that did it for me - never heard such utter nonsense.

Now who's making sweeping statements

Not me. I have made it very clear that some children might benefit from what the private sector has to offer, and I have also qualified my statements by acknowledging that different schools suit different types of kids and that there are good and bad schools in both sectors. I'm merely saying that some children really thrive in the state sector and don't really need what the private sector has to offer.

[quote flourandeggs]@SoupDragon have a scroll back[/quote]
I have and everywhere she seems to make it clear that she is referring to her own experience only.

@MrsMiaWallis people are taking exception to the fact that you are using your DD being happier at one school than another to "prove" that private school children are happier in general. Whereas, in fact your DD is happier at her current school than her old school, and it's not clear whether one being private and the other being state had anything to do with it at all. I know children who have moved from private to state and been happier at state. I know one child who moved from state to private and then back to state because it turned out that private school wasn't better (for him). I don't attempt to claim that this means anything other than those individual children were more suited at different schools.

@SoupDragon have a scroll back

there is no one size fits all answer to anything?

She hasn't said that though has she?

For those kids who naturally thrive in the state sector, the private sector has very little to offer

Now who's making sweeping statements 🤔

@MrsMiaWallis there are plenty of people on this thread and others explaining they moved their child from one private school to another because they were unhappy - how do we explain this in your mono vision world? What about the people on this thread explaining they moved from private to state and their kids were happier? Can you not read other people’s posts and see how varied experiences are and there is no one size fits all answer to anything?

You cannot and should not make sweeping assumptions that children will be happier in all fee paying schools there is no nuance to that at all
That's why I haven't said ALL children are happier!

I am actually ignoring a lot of the goady posts (rapes - i mean fgs) and trying to talk to the OP as I have a child who moved from state to private in year 9. She's happier and I've tried to explain why I think that is.

I suppose it's all very traditional and strictly structured and she finds that reassuring- perhaps that wouldn't suit all.

Indeed not, I think dd would find a very traditional and strictly structured environment incredibly suffocating. She is naturally very disciplined and self motivated, but doesn't respond well to an overly controlling approach.

It's a shame that your dd had such a bad experience at her state school, but I don't think her experience is representative of all state schools. DD has an excellent set of teachers, and has very good relationships with all of them - we've had a couple of not so good ones in the past, but this year, they're great without exception.

I think a lot depends on the child. I can see how some relatively quiet, academically middle-of-the-road kids might feel a bit invisible in the larger state school classes. Those are probably the ones who are most likely to benefit from what the private sector has to offer, especially if they are also a bit lacking in intrinsic motivation and need an extra push to fulfill their potential. For those kids who naturally thrive in the state sector, the private sector has very little to offer. Of course, there is a huge difference between individual schools as well - there are good and bad schools in both sectors, and different approaches and emphases will suit different kids.

@MrsMiaWallis one school, one anecdote. So to counter you I give you the repeated rape of a pupil at Ampleforth in 2016 by a trusted teacher. Listen to the Times Podcast about it, you will not sleep at night. You cannot and should not make sweeping assumptions that children will be happier in all fee paying schools there is no nuance to that at all. Great that the move worked for your daughter, she sounds very happy and let’s hope her move to University is also smooth having been used to close relations with teachers. But you have made some very silly statements on this thread.

Injust asked dd3 if she was happier at private than at state and she said yes

Well, actually you asked if she was happier at School A than School B.
I'm not sure your DD's experience of 2 schools can be used to mean that all private school children are happier than state school children. In fact, presumably if she'd been very happy at her original school, you might never have moved her?