Impossible question - but do you think children in private schools are ‘happier’?

More drugs, more mental health issues, more eating disorders.

But heaven forbid you say that your dds state school friends spend too much time on their phones

Although happiness of 15 year olds at all types of school have plummeted tonight as their New Years plans all trashed ...

We are at state but both dh and I and dd herself through her sport have lots of friends at private there is no discernible difference in levels of either happiness or indeed teen naughtiness!

@MsTSwift
The drug dealers wait down the road outside a couple of the independent schools near me (SW London) every day at pick up. Every so often they’re moved on but always return eventually. I give them hard stares when I drive past and am usually rewarded with the finger 😂
Drugs are in every school in the land I’m sure but the kids at independent schools might be more likely to have the money for them though

@MsTSwift my boarding school was like a pharmacy there were so many drugs! God people are naive aren’t they.

Never forget a client dinner when a clients wife said no child of hers would go to a state school - knife crime! Drugs! Mortifying when dh and I both admitted we had gone to state school 😁. Can still picture her face!

I certainly wasn't especially as it was a boarding school. Very lonely holidays with few friends nearby

@Hoppinggreen I agree with your pre Covid comment poor things it’s been a rough year for children ! I am just glad that some of mine will be going back to school next week (will have two at home though!)

My DC go to Private school because I think they stand a better chance of enjoying the whole school experience, it’s not about results for me.
I think DD might have got the same results at a State school (unfortunately not the one available to us as it’s failing badly) but will never know.I am pretty sure DS will achieve more at his Private school but that’s largely because the smaller classes mean he can’t hide and the teachers will be able to push him more
Having a miserable time at school but coming out with a clutch of grade 9s will have mean we made the wrong decision. Being happy and achieving enough to move on to the next stage, whatever that is, is what we want for our DC and we believe that the Private school we have chosen (not all Private schools necessarily) is the best chance of achieving that. Believe me, both are certainly having a childhood , well they were Pre bloody Covid

Yes, those who could afford private but don't think it's worth the investment because they're entirely confident that their kids will do just as well in the local state comp. And yes, that includes getting the "toppest of top grades" for those who are capable of it, as well as having plenty of opportunities for enrichment etc. Some of us simply don't buy into the hype around private education

And those for whom one of the benefits of going to a comprehensive school well supported by middle class parents was making friends from different backgrounds that broadened our horizons and helped us understand what might be possible when that information was not available to our own parents - and who want to pay that back in kind.

@steppemum and @AlexaShutUp I think one issue is that state schools don’t have time or budget for PR so those ridiculously false myths don’t get broken down with positive role model alternatives. Maybe we should set something up to show how many wonderful, interesting, achieving HAPPY people went / go to state schools!!! I have a friend who works full time in PR at a private school within a bigger marketing department of 4 people. No wonder they can put out some positive PR with that on hand! Some state schools are good with their social media etc but have no budget for real PR campaigns.

@alexashutup. My DS is at independent school. It isn't about wanting him to be 'better' than others. I find the money because I want him to be happy in himself. If it achieves that, it will be money well spent.

I doubt I count as middle class. I am a single mum from a free school meals family. But DS is academic, and was unhappy before. I owe him his chance.

@AlexaShutUp love the way you put that, I have a few friends who want their children to be the best (or already believe they are!) whatever the cost. Hey ho, I think I have always valued childhood over education but I sometimes question whether I am missing the point and should push a bit harder. I think that is why I like these posts, amongst some of the differing opinions there are voices that make so much sense to me and I cherish hearing those.

If people would only focus on what was best for their child, instead of their child somehow being the best (cleverest, most articulate, happiest or whatever), then I think the tone of some posters would be very different.

It seems that some people only feel that they're getting value for money if it enables them to put other people down.

I just don’t know what makes people so unable to see the whole picture.

My personal theory is that it helps some people to stomach the eye-wateringly high cost of private education if they can convince themselves that their kids will turn out "better" than others as a result of their investment.

@AlexaShutUp I completely agree with you and I just don’t know what makes people so unable to see the whole picture. The phone comment up post to me illuminates that type of attitude so completely...how I wish that poster could meet my neighbour’s children who are at fee paying and never raise their heads from phones even in company of adults, or my niece who is addicted to her phone and has been allowed it at all hours of the day since she got it with no restrictions at all and can barely grunt at her family or friends (this will pass and she is a fabulous girl really). I think some people just don’t want to see that people are simply people wherever they go to school.

Mine went private and were jolly happy. Most of their mates seemed so too.
But so did their mates in state schools.

@steppemum - beautifully put. Xx

As I have repeatedly said, there are good and bad state, and good and bad private schools. I went to an excellent private school. My kids go to an excellent state school.

I am well aware that not everywhere has the luxury of good state schools. In fact my kids travel to get to theirs as our local schools are rubbish.
I have no problem with anyone choosing private.

What I was pushing back against was the nature of the comments, including the one that all comp kids were inarticulate and scrolled through their screens while the private kids were charming, articulate and confident. That is an appalling stereotype. And the trouble with allowing those stereotypes to stand without challenging them is that it repeats and reinforces the basic snobbery that is massively embedded in public life which is that private school kids are better than state.

We need to break that. Any stereotype which writes off over 90% of our teenagers is a bad thing.
That is why I have continued to post back about it. As was said, I am lucky to have a good state school, not everyone is, and some of those choose private. (although in my experience of private school, that was rarely the reason why parents chose it)

Private or state we choose the school which suits our child. Just stop making assumptions about the 90% that don't choose private.

I think the point I was making is that we all take slightly different routes with the best intentions for our children — and they all end up in vaguely the same place. There is no one size fits all, and middle class parents generally are going to do well for their children just by being engaged and spending time on forums like this one!

Yes, absolutely, I agree. Each child and each school is different, and as parents, we just have to do our best to meet the needs of the children that we have while making the very most of the options available to us.

I certainly don't blame anyone for choosing private if they can afford to do so and if they genuinely believe that it offers the best option for their child. I'd have done the same if I'd have thought that's what my child needed. Where I take issue is with those who seem bent on making the case for the idea that private education is universally the better option for all children...that it makes them happier, or more confident or less glued to their phones or whatever. I simply do not believe that this is the case.

I think the point I was making is that we all take slightly different routes with the best intentions for our children — and they all end up in vaguely the same place. There is no one size fits all, and middle class parents generally are going to do well for their children just by being engaged and spending time on forums like this one!

@flourandeggs. Those parents who can afford to live in the catchment of an outstanding state school and don't have to worry about it

Those parents who homeschool because one of them can be at home full time.

Those parents who just do the best they can.

....all regardless of class

Any I have missed?

Yes, those who could afford private but don't think it's worth the investment because they're entirely confident that their kids will do just as well in the local state comp. And yes, that includes getting the "toppest of top grades" for those who are capable of it, as well as having plenty of opportunities for enrichment etc. Some of us simply don't buy into the hype around private education.

There are good schools, bad schools and great schools in both sectors. Personally, I think it's about finding the right fit for your child.

@MarshaBradyo. Very true. And of course there are many who move across different sectors / schools if they are unhappy so it can’t be a true list. And of course most of the middle class tutor, probably in all of those categories!

Flour
I might add comps that are used by the sharp elbowed (buying house close by) plus a mix and people see it’s pretty good including good results for top sets

Unless you had it and I missed it ;