Impossible question - but do you think children in private schools are ‘happier’?

It does obviously depend on the school and the child but, as a general rule, it is going to be more of a priority for a school where students are paying money to attend.

No, it's the parents who are the priority for the private schools to keep happy, as they are the ones paying the bills. And you cannot always assume that the parents and children are on the same page as one another...I know a couple of kids who are desperate to leave the schools that their parents have chosen for them, but their parents have a different set of priorities.

My dd was v unhappy in private primary and is transformed in state secondary.

My dis has just moved from private primary to state secondary and is struggling.

Neither of these things can be attributed to state/private, more to to with individual circumstances, friendship groups, supportive key staff eg form tutors/heads of year etc.

Both dh and I are teachers with experience in private and state and would say there’re mental health issues in both. As you admit, it’s impossible to say if one environment over the other is better.

From my experience of my dd, I would say that that a change can be hugely beneficial. For my dd that was private to state, but for your dd that could be state to private. If she is interested in moving and you can afford it, I would def consider making the change. My dds move was led my her, even down to choosing the super rough comp down the road and I think that ownership was v important to her,

Good luck, I hope you find an outcome that works for your dd.

She might still lack motivation at private school! Also bear in mind that if its a good one she night not be in the top sets. This didn't bother dd3, she was in top set English at the state and is now in set 2 at the independent despite getting 7/8s in tests.

At her school they will do their damndest to get you interested in something extra curricular, but there are still a few that slip through the net. Dd3 has turned out to be really good at lacrosse of all things despite being in state education from reception to year 8! She loves it and it's given her loads of motivation

Bottom line is that as you've said in your title this is a question that simply doesn't have an answer. All the personal experiences in the world tell you nothing about how your child would fare.

I went to private and have used both for dc

Bullying or milder friendship issues can happen anywhere

Affordability is a factor as if you’re not left with much after fees it can be hard

Sometimes non selective schools can develop the idea that if you’re smart you are a swot or whatever which is a great shame for a child who likes learning

Peers are important. It can even be the same as some cross between sectors

In an area with high house prices it will impact too

Overall no I don’t think it makes much difference to my dc although maybe it did me - but I was happier when streaming occurred as there was the odd sarky comment re grades

I’d say look at it from affordability POV and right school for the child

I think Y8 is a really tough year. And probably worse this year as they spent so much of Y7 learning remotely. It's typically the time when they all look at the friends they made in Y7 and decide they don't really like them, so friendship groups move about. Many girls especially are hitting puberty. The maturity gap between boys and girls is probably largest at this point (I swear my DD spent the whole of Y8 moaning about the boys). In short a lot of stuff going on.

Are children in private school happier? I would suspect that some are and some aren't, and this is more down to the personality of the children, the individual schools and other things going on around them, than the school sector. My state school educated children are certainly far happier than I was at my private school, but I'm not sure I would have been any happier at a different school.

My experience with both my children was that they found Y8 tough and things got better in Y9 (and some of this was due to being able to drop subjects they didn't like; some of it was just due to maturity; some was due to making better friendship groups.

So, if you're looking to the private school to make your daughter happier, I wouldn't. If you want private for other reasons, obviously this is a good time to move.

To be blunt....Yes.

Because if the child’s not happy they’re more likely to leave, and the school loses their money.

It does obviously depend on the school and the child but, as a general rule, it is going to be more of a priority for a school where students are paying money to attend.

No, I don't think kids are any happier on average at private schools.

This is purely anecdotal, but I was really shocked at the prevalence of mental health problems amongst my privately educated peers at Cambridge. Perhaps it was coincidence, but my state educated friends did not appear to have nearly so many problems.

My dd is now in year 11 at a state secondary, and she is generally very happy and mentally healthy. However, some of her school friends do struggle with mental health issues. The school does its best to support these kids but I don't know how successful their interventions are. DD also has a number of friends at the local private schools, either from primary school or from her extracurricular activities. She definitely does not perceive them to be any happier - if anything, quite the contrary, though it does vary from person to person. Some people are more suited to certain environments than others.

With regard to your dd, I would say that my dd hated year 8. It was by far the hardest year for her - it is a bit of a filler year and I think the kids get really bored, which leads to all sorts of nonsense in friendship groups etc. DD is so much happier now!

I don't think you should think in terms of the state/private dichotomy, but rather in terms of the specific type of environment that might suit your dd. That will make for a better decision in the long term.

There was a hilarious incident at my school when the head wanted to expel someone for weed on the premises....till he was given a list of teachers buying from the same dealer! 😂😂😂

Languages - I think it was compulsory to do a language GCSE full stop in my day?

I suppose a big problem with school now is social media. I'd be interested to know their thoughts on it. I think kids should be able to leave school behind at the end of the day.

OP I wouldn’t worry to much about the language issue. One of the advantages of private schools is that they’re able to apply common sense and be flexible. I would have a chat to any you’re considering and specifically ask how they’d handle it, but I doubt it would be an issue - it might mean your dd has a few extra free periods instead of a second language, or even that those periods are used to help her catch up what she’s missed over lockdown. In my dd’s school, they do two languages and pick up an optional third in Y9, so she would still have the option to pick up another one next year, but I don’t know how common that is.

Would look carefully at the private school options near you.

Friendship and school workload issues can happen anywhere.

wouldn’t want to rely on parental contributions to fees, which could end at any time, so if you can’t comfortably pay, factoring in additional costs and annual fee increases, would rule it out.

Depends on the child and the school.
My DD is happier than I think she would have been at the local (in Special measures) comp because it’s cool to be clever and she struggles with other people’s bad behaviour.
DS would probably be happy at either, possible State because he would be in a bigger class and hide.
If your DDs main issue is not liking pressure to achieve then she may not be happier at Private school but if you think she needs more individual teaching and smaller classes then it might be a good idea

I went to private school on a full scholarship and was happy there in all respects (academic, social, wellbeing). It didn't matter to me that some of the other girls had more money - maybe it would be different today. However I know of kids at private school who suffer from bullying or get into drugs so of course it varies depending on the school and the child.

It is more about whether the culture of the individual school is the right fit for your DD. This includes the teachers she has because one good teacher or bad teacher can make all the difference.
So, while I agree her current school is not a good fit for her, I do not agree that it is because it is a state school nor do I agree that going private will automatically mean a better fit and happier DD.
Starting over at a new school can be challenging for children that have never done it before. So you’ll have to get your DD to be part of looking at other schools and the selection of one. But I’d keep an open mind and look at all available schools both state and private.

Joining in year 9 is fine as loads join then from other schools

Sorry OP you can"t predict it

My sister and goddaughter were utterly miserable at private school.

My sister left for sixth form and was much happier at a state school.

My god daughter transferred to state at 13 and was much happier.

I was happy at private school. I might have been happy at state school. The teachers you get and the kids in your class are sheer luck.

I suppose all you can do is find out the ethos.

I think that children in the right school for them are happier. I don't think it is as simple as stave v private at all.