Missed out on entry to grammar & independent secondaries in London

Trawl not travel!

I think you're right - there is a huge amount of over the top tutoring, especially in North London. When ds started group tutoring we thought he was a 'shoo in' but had our eyes opened fairly swiftly by the boys/parents in the tutor group. They were hugely competitive, all 'top table' (some with Maths GCSE already at 10 years old). Exam technique and speed were very important too.

We were nearly scared off but ds and we, decided to up the game and it was a couple of hours every night towards the end. Plus interview practice as he was shy. It was very hard work and a total nightmare to be honest but he received offers from Westminster Under, scholarships at a couple of other great schools and received super selective Grammar offers. I would say his CAT scores in Yr 5 were 135+ across the board and that seems to be the level for these sorts of schools. The good thing about the independent schools is you get another chance to shine if you can get through to the interview stage.

There are kids that get in with little tutoring but in my opinion these are few and far between in London. I would also say for anyone else preparing now, book on to the big mock tests, the Sutton one for example as these will give you a very good picture of where your child sits in this crazy over prepared cohort! I'd also say group tutoring might be better than 1-1 as the competition can sometimes be a stimulus.

There are some excellent academic less competitive schools out there if you can pay - the eleven plus exams forum is worth a travel through the forums.

@cantstopstressing we checked out a few areas to move to based on good secondaries (Finchley for Wren Academy and Southgate for Ashmole Academy) but just couldn't get excited about the local areas or housing. We are a good few years behind you though.

@cantstopstressing Heartland?

@cantstopstressing but if you have money for private then cant you move to be in the catchment for all of these? I mean you must live near enough.

unfortunately, the reason for all this madness is because people hot house their kids. nobody should do more than 18months of training - thats crazy for you and your child

@cantstopstressing Okay, my error. I thought the intro said 2 hours a week for 18 months. Because DS did this last year, I worked in the office most of the time. I had to put trust in the tutor (why hire a tutor if not trusting them) and DC to manage it all - I was away from home 7 to 7 each day roughly. Except for the day of tutoring when I wfh.

We're neither in Enfield nor Barnet as well but I still think that they secondary schools on offer here are perfectly fine. And that goes for most areas around here (with reservation only because I don't know every single bit).

No, I don't believe for one second that DC is that amazing academically but certain schools played to DC's strengths more than other schools. Also, anyone doing 2-3 hours prep a day and gets in to a selective school, I belive might struggle whilst there.

I don't believe that doing more than you did would have increased the chances. Contrary, too much can cause fatigue in my opinion.

How is your son feeling about this? Is he upbeat or does he feel gutted when he once again doesn't get into another school. That would help me decide what to do next.

Have you applied for comps (not sure when the allocations are or if they've happened Yet). The worst case scenario would be that if he has to go to a comp he feels like a failure or that he shouldn't be there as he is somehow superior to his peers (but that depends on how the school thing has been sold to him).

OP I could have written your post five years ago. DS didn't get into DAO and Latymer, not even nearly, and it was a real blow to his self-esteem. We hated ourselves for having put him through them especially since they would have been pretty horrible transport-wise.

We then vacillated over doing privates. It's all very well saying do some that are easy to get into, but the only ones a reasonable journey from us that seemed to offer something worth paying for were UCS, City and Highgate.

In the end, he got into two of the three of them and had interviews at all. So from our experience, the independents are easier than the grammars.

So that seems like a positive story. However, I'd argue for something for positive still. All the kids at his primary school have had their GSCE results (they didn't do them of course so it's all a bit weird). And as far as I know (fortunately the weird Covidness meant that people didn't really talk about results) all of the ones who you'd think would do well have done well. In fact the boy that didn't get into anywhere did the best of all (albeit having had a pretty narrow curriculum of reduced options over a three-year GSCE course) - and that's in a comprehensive with 50% FSM, average overall results etc.

The private school where DS goes is great and well regarded etc but I do wonder sometimes whether he'd have done just as well at the local school at no cost, with local friends and being able to walk there. Also the clever kids from primary were treated as stars at their respective schools and chosen for all the enrichment etc, whereas DS thinks of himself as really ordinary and not particularly academic.

I think most north London boroughs have a few decent state secondaries. Haringey has APS, Fortismere, Highgate Wood and I think Skinners is improving. Islington has a few decent ones too. If you really want private Forest School in Snaresbrook seems nice and nurturing, possibly less academically selective.

@cantstopstressing don't feel like you need to explain yourself/apologise. I will never forget the one and only time I was invited to neighbours' house for a Christmas lunch together with others on our street, and when I said we don't own the house and rent, because the deposit money have gone onto DS's support and education (as we consider it of utmost importance to give him the best chance in life), they looked at me with shock and horror as if I suddenly grew a horn on my forehead.

I am just finishing our first 11+ process, and having received a mix of yays and nays, I can only confirm it's as brutal as you now know and then some. I have spent many a sleepless night thinking about whether I have done bad by my son, not giving him enough time and a fair chance against children who had 100s of hours of specialised tuition over him, but luckily it seems to be working out at the end.

Hope you figure a Plan B out.

Tutoring for 6 hours a week is hot housing. How do these kids cope in the grammar on their own? Horrible.

Dd1 has just ranked highly in our grammar area so she will get 1st choice. I couldn't really call it until I got the results. If she had scored below the cut off I had accepted she will go to local comp and likely fly through in top sets and feel grateful for that.

Sounds like a situation you need to make the best of with what's available.

If you are close to Latymer and DAO OP I'm guessing you are in Barnet or Enfield. There are lots of great state secondaries in those boroughs.

Urgh, this is one of the many issues I have with selection at age 11. It’s so much pressure and often ends with children feeling that they aren’t good enough.

@cantstopstressing Firstly, I thought that you wrote that you had had a tutor for 18 months, 2 hours a week. That is more than double of that we did. Secondly, you obviously think that only certain schools are good enough and that the non-selctive state option(s?) is not good enough for your DS. You must be living near me and there are many decent state schools around here. To expect to get exactly what you want at all times (when it is actually not possible) is a bit "entitled" IMHO.

It doesn't add up what you write but I hope you find a solution nevertheless.

@Zodlebud I agree, I cannot put into words how horrific I find the concept of the 4+ and 7+ for competitive schools is. Tutoring 3 year olds, appalling.

Before I embarked on this year's 11+ journey with DS, I trawled thru the relevant forums and there is a continual pattern of "my DC is bright and top sets/table but shockingly didn't make it for [insert grammar/highly selective school]".

I love my two DC more than anything but I certainly do not think of them as exceptional. Hopefully, they are slightly above average but I do subscribe to growth mindset and remind them that hard work usually beats talent (growth mindset). If I thought they were exceptional and they also believed it, there is high chance my DS would have struggled to pass the 11+ exams this year.