How involved are you in your teen's school work?

Dc in yr8. I'd ask if they did homework, that's about it. I do help if they asked.

DD is in Y9 and the school puts a huge effort on doing things independent. To the extreme that even when we see DD struggling she doesn’t accept help.

She just had end of term tests and we said that if they are not acceptable then we have to intervene.

We expect she needs help with maths and physics.

We keep an eye on her homework setting via the schools intranet to ensure she understands that unfinished homework means she has to miss hobbies.

It's all a bit beyond me, now (a-Level, not my subjects). I have been able to talk through planning bigger bits of work, methodology, wording and time management but that's about it.

I know someone like the mum above too...!!!

Both pretty independent. I tend to ask what homework they have / what they did today just so I have an idea of what they are up to (and can do a gentle “haven’t you got homework to do?” if I’ve not noticed them getting on with it). I help if asked but it’s very occasional - maybe read an essay through or help with a tricky maths question or test vocabulary. DD is Y11, gets lots of homework and needs no nagging. DS is Y9, gets little homework and his school doesn’t push them at all so we strongly encourage him to eg do a bit of BBC Bitesize or research a topic. He needs nagging to revise if has test coming up. But certainly don’t sit with them unless they ask.

I have a friend who got very involved in her DC’s work. She would sit and guide them through it, help with research and on occasion do their homework for them. They are both very bright so didn’t need it but one was lazy and took advantage. That DC is now at uni and her mum is still doing it - as lectures are recorded, she listens to them and makes notes. The DC then doesn’t have to attend them self. She sometimes writes essays for them. It is ridiculous. She says if she doesn’t do it they will fail and their life will be ruined. I say that if she doesn’t do it they will have to stop being lazy and do it themselves. And if they don’t then at the age of 20 that’s their choice to ruin their own life (and anyway not having degree isn’t end of the world, it will just restrict their options). And actually by not teaching them to be independent earlier in life she has strongly encouraged them into this pattern. I think she did it because she needed to feel needed and it spiralled out of control. Whatever you do, don’t take it this far.

On and off depending on subjects.. Dh has helped them with maths, mainly to aid revision or explain tricky questions. He had also helped DS1 with physics as he is in top set of uber competitive school and some of the homework has been a bit crazy. It's pretty ad hoc though, eg only once in a. While or if unsure of something.

Equally I have helped with Latin or occasionally English/history, but only to get them started after a long day as opposed to helping them to do it.

So in the main they are pretty independent but we do chip in now and then.

Depends on the child!!!
DC1 - nothing. He was a dream. Came out with 4 A* A levels.
DC2 - OMG. Reminders, bribes, sitting with her, almost spoon-feeding her at times. Just hoping she'll scrape through some GCSE's.

I have left DS to get on with it ... He is Year 11 and has just done his mocks. I mentioned revising once and was ignored.

Had a call from school (after mocks) to say DS had admitted he'd done zero revision. My plan was he would spectacularly fail and realise he needed to up his game. Unfortunately - he hasn't failed anything and according to teachers done pretty well (we haven't got results - so don't know what this actually means). BUT they expect more and his Maths teacher in particular wants more effort (he's not been engaging in lessons either) - so now I've become involved.

My plan is to help him plan some revision - and set up a routine until the end of January in the hope he will continue by himself. I have been horrendously busy with work though, so even our first week hasn't gone well as I've been having meetings until 7.30pm :(

Makes you realise - revision and school work is hard haha!

I have to micro manage my Y9son, he has asd and can not organise himself, I need to tell him exactly what he is doing on what day and put everything he needs in his bag with him His school are really strict and don't really make the reasonable adjustments needed for SEN. If I didn't he would always be in bother.
He sees school for the place for doing work and does the minimum he can at home so the Hone Learning planned after xmas will do us no good. I know he won't do anything :(

Forgot to add that I sit with him for nearly every piece of homework he has .. and he gets a lot! It’s stressful and time consuming.

My 11 year old in Y7 is a nightmare. He hates school and anything to do with it but doesn’t like getting in trouble. I have to constantly remind and nag him to get his work done. I’ve tried the hard approach, to let him just get in trouble for not completing it but it causes problems on the day as he refuses to go to school and literally has a meltdown. He has no additional needs, just really doesn’t like school 🤦🏻‍♀️

16yo ds just gets on with it, although we chat a lot about what he's doing. We walk the dog together every evening and mostly talk about school for that 40mins. I occasionally read through assignments if they sound interesting.

If he wasn't setting aside time to study, or was getting bad reports from school, I would get more involved, but I haven't needed to so far.

DD2 and I throw ideas around and I sometimes help her word things in essays so as not to use the same words all the time, but that's it. She's in Yr13 and has been totally independent since Yr10. DD1 was much the same, the only real contribution I made was a massive disagreement about T.S. Eliot (I love, she hates) which ended up driving her English A level coursework because she was able to articulate her interpretations and was able to get them down on paper better.

I have always chivvied them along if it appears that homework hasn't been started in the evening (both were at schools where no homework really was unusual).

I have offered advice with research-type homework (schools seem very keen on getting to kids to use the internet without any guidance on what might be useful sites to use, and which might be reliable).

I have helped with revision time tables for exams.

I have helped with revision for tests if asked - testing vocab lists, terminology, dates etc.

I got quite involved in revision for GSCEs - using revision guides, helping with marking etc. It just gives another style of revising and breaks up the monotony a bit!

As others have said, once they got to A level, they were pretty much on their own as I didn't have the ability to help much. However, even getting them to explain to me what the problem was, or what a question was really asking etc has helped with getting things clear in their own mind on occasion.

Importantly, they have known that I have always been willing to help if they need it.

Massively involved.

DD1 has dyspraxia, couldn't organise her way out of a paper bag, struggles to take comprehensive notes. Ended up with 8 passes, more Bs than Cs. If I hadn't helped maybe would have scraped 3Cs, the rest would have been fails.

DD2 has a combination of things that block her learning. She needs reassurance when doing schoolwork, and help with revising.

I have a friend who barely knows what GCSEs her DD is doing. I wish...

Not at all involved.

Have 3, 2 are at secondary and y10 and y12.

I was around, and tended to get sucked into DT and art homework in the early years (y7 and 8), but never anything else. They are very able, and at very structured grammars, so same as some other posts - I said I will help if you ask, but if you forget something you will have to take the consequences.

They have been fine: once they got to about y9 neither DH or I could help with maths or sciences. Can vaguely help by playing Devil’s advocate with English or the humanities, but that it is it now!

I feel bad for y4 child: am now working F/T on my NQT year at a primary and broken. I am one of ‘those’ parents my colleagues mutter about and say ‘the mum hasn’t signed their book record for 4 weeks’’ 😁.

I worry sometimes it seems like benign neglect, but they are very conscientious, and at very intense grammar schools, so I don’t want to put any more pressure on them. Our mantra is ‘all you can do is your best, and you know if you have done your best’.

It’s hard OP - you just have to do what works for your family unit x

Mine is year 12. I have practically no involvement. As she's doing mainly maths and science I doubt I'd be much use anyway.

My DD is year 10. If I notice she is on her phone/mooching around or hours I ask what homework she has, she's generally good at organising herself and had a very favourable report but she does get stressed about work. I try to get her to not not leave it til the last minute but I dont have that much input. Unfortunately apart from the occassional bit of maths i can barely offer any help with homework.
I think I will have to be a lot more involved with DS. He is able but his teachers all say he does the least he can possibly get away with ....which has probably got him through primary , but I think he'll need to put more effort in (with probably a lit of prompting) when he goes to secondary. I am seeing signs of him being more organised, like setting his alarm on his watch and getting himself ready for school which is significant progress from last year.

I superficially monitor YR9 DD by casting an eye over the number of outstanding HW assigned/done at the weekends. We don't have the time nor the inclination to literally sit down and do them with her during the week although we can help at the weekends if she needs it.

DH has had to do some hands on DIY Maths/Sciences revision sessions with her at half term because she finds them difficult. Superb in Arts subjects but struggles in the STEM subjects. Tortuous though.

YR12 DS is on his own. We were fairly hands on at the weekends with his GCSE revision during Y11 - well, until lockdown in March. STEM A Levels are beyond me (I did Humanities) & mostly beyond DH (he did them 35 yrs ago!)

One of my children found many subjects difficult. Teachers had a lot of concerns. They could have done with some help, I thought, but adamantly refused my offers because they wanted to do it by themselves, even if they got lower marks than they would have. With all of my DC, I didn’t get involved with revision or homework etc, apart from buying art materials for GCSE etc. I bought some revision books too.

DS 15 and DS 13: Not at all. I leave them to get on with it. If one asks for help (which is rare) I’ll give it, and I’ll get them any extra materials or books they ask for, but their homework and revision are for them to schedule and them to do. I don’t think I’ve seen any work that DS2 has done all year, and DS1 has messaged me with a couple of screenshots of high marks when he’s trying to persuade me to give him extra allowance! They’re on track for 9s and 8s, so the approach is working.

My DC is in Y9 and I honestly don't get involved one little bit (but then he does not have additional needs). Even in Y7, DC was adamant that he wanted to be independent but I seem to recall uploading a few vocabulary and other terms on Quizlet in the first term. Also made him do some extra revision on BBC Bitesize into Y8, but that was about it. I never read through or suggest amendments to any written work. I also let him experience 'natural consequences' if he forgets a book or homework (demerits). Now in Y9 he gets on with it and although we have said he can always ask for our help in terms of input or if he wants us to 'test' him on vocab etc, but he never seeks it out. Like a lot of boys that age, he is a 'bare minimum' sort of chap and is not achieving straight A*s but mostly As and some Bs so until he dips from this, we will not get involved. I know that other parents get involved A LOT more (and their DS achieve all-star stellar results) but I just don't have the energy and also wonder whether perhaps some of the high anxiety levels reported when kids go to uni, is when children have been use to getting lots of assistance and then feel lost when left to their own devices at uni. I do envisage I am likely to be getting more involved nearer the GCSEs, but it all depends on how DC is doing.

DS mild additional needs but entirely independent. I rarely see his school work. Its mostly on computer and posted up online to his school portal. I have been mildly worried about whether we would be in blissful ignorance and get a bad next school report but luckily the latest parents evening was very positive. I think even with mild SEN they can be self sufficient as teens. My DS has recently turned 13 (year 8). Academically all is good. We had some more challenging times when he was younger but if anything he is more of a self starter and self sufficient than most peers with no additional needs now.

I think it depends if they have additional needs surely? My DD Y8 is very dyslexic and I pretty much tutor her every night. We spend about anywhere from 1hr to 3hrs every evening doing homework, going over things she didn't understand in lessons (she brings all books home) and pre learning things her teachers have sent me for the following term. This is quite extreme though and I am aware.
My DS Y6 is neurotypical and does everything himself but does need me to help him manage his time eg give him a nudge to get on with his maths.
I think if they're neurotypical and a teenager, it's probably doing them more harm than good getting involved too much. I think I'd only really step in if it was their GCSEs and they were about to flunk due to feeling overwhelmed and not doing anything.