Dd is 14 and in year 10. She is a very well behaved and good student. She has ADHD and Autism and this means she can get stressed around transitions, easily distracted and zones out, very disorganised and sometimes obsessive.
So this year she is walking to school with her big brother (also autistic but very organised and in y12 so less pressure to get to school as he doesn't have to go to registration). Dd cannot walk in alone as she needs someone to keep her on track. Takes about 25 mins to walk.
Dd has been very stressed about being on time to school. I do what I can, waking kids up at 6.45am (earlier sometimes), helping with lunches, checking the timetable, getting uniform (washing uniform almost daily at the moment cos Covid). Dd also need to take meds before school. Also ensuring they have masks/ hand sanitizer etc. All so that dd and ds can leave by 8.05am to be on time but not too early as there are rules around staggered entry times. I have a younger dd and I also need to get ready for work 3 days of the week. So plenty going on.
Unfortunately even if dd has everything she needs after she goes up to her room after breakfast generally not later than 7.30am. she seems to spend spend 30 mins staring into space then I start calling up with time checks and she will seem to wake up to herself and start panicking. This slows things down considerably, as dd will stand still, with no socks on saying "I am going to be late" on repeat while staring desperately and not doing anything. I will prompt action ... But once she starts edging into meltdown it gets worse.
Ds meanwhile will be ready to go yet still have his sister stressing at him, potentially tearful all the way to school even though they will be on time. Dd has been late once (in her time at high school) but as she fell apart it wasn't recorded by the teacher.
We try to keep her on track but as I am getting myself and helping everyone else, get ready it has sometimes got a bit much. DH works from home so if dd falls apart he will drive them to school. We try to get stuff ready the night before and wake everyone up on time.
The issue with being late stems from a fear of getting after school detention. Dd is self sabotaging as her fear of being late is paralysing her to actually be more at risk of being late. We do all we can to get kids up and out on time.
I contacted dds keyworker this week to discuss the issue. She confirmed that the school don't want to make exceptions so if dd is late she will get a detention. This is understandable but no sign of a reasonable adjustment for a well intentioned child with a diagnosed condition, that is actually more likely to be late because of stress about the consequences of being late! Ugh.
Anyway I'd love to know if there is a magic solution to this that I am missing? Anyway wise words appreciated here thank you for reading.