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Original poster

Should I move my DD in Y9

33 replies

Dinnerisburnt · 27/09/2020 00:54

Before lockdown my DD fell out with her friendship group in Y8. She remained friends with 1 out of a group of 6. Became very isolated during lockdown and was refusing to go back to school in September. I filled out an in year transfer form for her to change to another school in our town which she wanted to go to. She got put on the waiting list and we talked through the issues at her current school with her HOY. We agreed between us that she would move forms to be with her remaining 1 friend. Since she has gone back she has not been happy going to school, feels very isolated and has only the one friend left. She feels her entire year group dislike her and there is no way out of the situation.

Friday I get a call from the school we applied to to offer her a place, we have a meeting arranged for Monday morning at the new school to meet the head teacher.

Her current school is OFSTED outstanding, church school with no real catchment area, basically you go to church to get a place.

New school is OFSTED good, in a nearby housing estate about a mile from her current school.

My husband doesn’t want her to move, she does, I just want her to be happy but am apprehensive of her leaving her current school and effectively running away from sorting out friendship issues.

Her reasons for wanting to move is that her only friend she has left has also fallen out with most people in her year group and everyone hates the two of them. She feels very lonely and just wants a fresh start.

How difficult is it to integrate into a new school in Y9? She is friends with one other child at the school we applied for.

I am going round in circles with agreeing with her to move or going with my husband who is adamant she is not moving schools. He is offering to pay fees and move her to an independent school if she is that unhappy, but she doesn’t want that and will literally not know anyone so would rather stay at current school and be unhappy.

We live in an isolated area and she doesn’t see many other children her own age apart from her out of school hobby which she goes to twice a week.

My head is fried from thinking about it all.

Any advice would be appreciated.

OP posts:
JellyBert · 27/09/2020 10:07

I had to move schools in year 9 and it was awful, never really settled in properly & felt I didn’t fit in both friendship groups (old & new) so personally it wasn’t great. However, as she is adamant she wants to move & doesn’t have strong friendships in her previous school, it doesn’t sound like that side would be so much of an issue. If she wants to move then I would let her but the most important thing is that she knuckles down with her studies! Which is what I did so in hindsight it was good to move in that regard.

MsKeats · 27/09/2020 10:02

Let her move

PheasantPlucker1 · 27/09/2020 10:01

Let her move.

I wouldnt stay in a job I was desperatly unhappy in, why should a child be made too? Sometimes a fresh start is needed.

If she stays the problems may be sorted, however there is also the chance it will escalate and she starts refusing to go, which is a nightnare in GCSE years.

Glendaruel · 27/09/2020 09:40

I moved schools at the beginning of yr 10 due to us moving house from a rural area to a town. The school catchment was completely different. It was terrible and had real impact on my studies and mental health. The school I moved to, pupils joined in yr 7 and stayed there, friendships were made early on and children saw no need to accept new people into their group. Some schools see their intake changing, especially if there is an employer in the area who moved their staff around the country. Children in those schools can be more accepting and understanding of including the new person. it
Added to this, she currently has teachers around her that know her and what stage she is at. When you move, you might not be in the right set or the class is ahead or behind you in an area of work. At this stage that can really impact gcses. I ended up at least a grade lower than expected in yr 9 and dropped out of a levels.

The danger is that it doesn't solve anything, in fact it makes it worse if she is not accepted and becomes further isolated. I would talk it over with current school. It might be that lockdown has got in the way of a natural healing within the friendship group.

Quartz2208 · 27/09/2020 09:16

I can see all the reasons for her moving - what is your husbands objection to not moving to this school. It cant be moving schools if he is willing to pay fees? is it the catchment area

Listen to her and what she wants. She is unhappy and (even though I suspect incorrectly) feels like everyone hates her. She can do with a new start

And why 2 drop offs? These are secondary school children who should make their own way

And the isolation can be worked on as well

Handbaghag · 27/09/2020 09:12

Has she got friends at the other school?

Original poster
Dinnerisburnt · 27/09/2020 09:08

The school is a little bit further away, I would have to do two drop offs as eldest DD will stay at current school, she is happy.

I am worried the same will happen again, and worried about the dynamics of the catchment area that she would be mixing with. Trying not to sound snobby about it. Most children that attend the option school live locally.

OP posts:
Malmontar · 27/09/2020 01:32

What makes you think the same thing won't happen at the new school? Is she is isolated now, will the move mean she's closer to the other school? Sounds like the other school has a v different intake and she may be underestimating how big of a change it will be.
Y8-9 is a very tough time for girls and friendships. I personally would leave her where she is.