Should I move my DD in Y9

I would definitely move her. Especially as the hobby friend and her friends are at the new school and seem keen for her to go there.

Whilst your dd might end up in different classes to her friends, there is nothing stopping her making friends with the people in the classes she will be in.

Just because she is going to the same school as her friends from her ECA it doesn’t stop her from making friends with other people.

Atm she is miserable. That isn’t going to change for the next few years if she remains where she is.

Why would you want your dd to be miserable

There is a thread running atm where a friend has lied to the posters bf and been a complete bitch and the bf and the bitch have cut the poster out.
The overwhelming response has been to ignore and move on.
No one has said don’t run away from your problems and stay and sort things out so I don’t know why your dh would make his dd stay in what would be a toxic situation.

With her only other friend there leaving I can see it only getting worse for your dd

DS has just moved schools in Y9. He was miserable in the old school and wanted to transfer.

He seems to have been accepted by a group of really nice boys immediately. He’s so much happier already.

If she already has friends in the new school and she herself wants to move then I would let her. I don’t see it as running away, learning when to cut your losses and move on from an unhappy situation is an important life skill.

Some independent schools have a big intake in y9, others don’t. Depends on the school. However I would strongly consider it. If you don’t think she will fit in there, definitely take the other school and cross your fingers that her friendships continue. Girls tend to make firmer friends in GCSE groups I found. They see friends more as like minded people who have similar interests. Just being in a gang of 6 was limiting. This is why she had no room for manoeuvre. She might end up in completely different classes to her friends at the new school so she needs a wider spectrum of friends outside the girls she already knows.

I’d move her, the new school sounds helpful if they are considering f her friendships. I’d talk to the mum of her friend at the current school and suggest she thinks more about moving too? Obviously that’s her decision but it could be great for them to both move before GCSE options.

I’d move her as well. It’s a life time for them at this age. Why keep her suffering?

*more how she interacts

Let her move. At her age she needs to have a say and once the nasty teen girl tide turns against a child it can often never be fixed. I say this as a mum of a teen girl and someone who works in a secondary.

It’s a chance for a fresh start and if she has issues with friends at the new school then you’ll know it’s mire his age interacts than the school and can work on that side. It may however Ed just be that she’s in a nasty group and she might thrive at the new school.

It should afterall be up to her.

I would reconsider the independent school, lots have a big new intake at year 9 so she wouldn't be the only new comer or viewed as different. In my ds school they add 2 extra classes in year 9 and all integrate well.

If she has good friends in the new school already it makes decision so much easier and I would let her change schools, if she didnt know anyone it would be a much more difficult decision to make.
speak to new school ,see if she can be in same form as some of her friends,also some schools will work together and allow a pupil to have a trial week at the new school so ask about that.
Going to a school where you feel unliked and isolated is really damaging for your self esteem. I feel for the friend she may be leaving behind .

I would move her. In my experience giving your child agency at this age is key. If she is unhappy, she will not learn. And what happens if you turn down this place and the other girl goes?

I hated my school and pleaded with my mother to go to a different school.

Her attitude was exactly the same as yours. Don’t run away from your problems.

I ended up bunking off and not turning up to school because I hated it so much.

I came out with no qualifications.

It did teach me that if you have a problem that can be solved by running away then I run.

Why are you even thinking that not changing schools is going to solve anything

Her only friend is leaving at the end of the term. What will school be like in January if she is then on her own?

Fwiw dds best friend didn’t start the school dd was in till half way through yr 9 and dd and her were friends from the start.

More than likely she will have friends and be a lot happier in the new school than being on her own in a school where everyone hates her.

Even if she doesn’t make a single friend in the new school she isn’t going to be hated

@RedskyAtnight i agree with you. I think she may be thinking that it'll be brilliant because she has a couple of mates. Reality is she could easily be at the other end of the year to her friends and never see them. With covid a lot of schools are keeping all KS3 lessons within tutor groups. She'll be miserable if that's the case.
Have you tried to sort this out with the current school? What support have they offered? Have you told them you are thinking seriously about moving? It seems counterproductive to move her somewhere even further.

I was going to say that if your daughter is that unhappy, she should have the chance to move and make a fresh start. Yes, Year 9 is a tough time to make new friendships, but I guess that applies equally to current school and to any new one.

However, if she was that unhappy that she just wanted a fresh start, I don't understand why she is refusing to move to an independent school. I am wondering if she is thinking that she will move to new school where she has one friend, they will spend lots of time together and it will be brilliant. Whereas the reality might be that she doesn't see the friend in school at all ... and it's no better than going to a school where she doesn't know anyone. I'd also be wary of moving to a school that is further away when it sounds like you are already geographically isolated. As you've found out, friendships over social media are a very different beast to face to face friendships. If all her new school friends live the other side of school, how much driving round/facilitating of friendships are you willing to do?

Also, how big is her current school? Unless it's quite small I suspect that most of her year won't even know who she is except as a name!

Maybe if they both moved together? Its a tricky one

I am not really sure then what the problem is about moving?

If that is the case then I can’t see why you think your dd would be ok in a year group where everyone hated her.

Move her.

My husband doesn’t want her to move, she does, I just want her to be happy but am apprehensive of her leaving her current school and effectively running away from sorting out friendship issues

Why would it be running away?

The friendship issues have been sorted. No one likes her and her 1 friend.
So why not move to a school where she does have friends.

I feel sorry for the girl left behind.

If you leave her in the school that she is struggling in and doesn’t want to go to what exactly are you thinking will be achieved.

I work in secondary. It is hard integrating in year 9, but not impossible. The important thing is that she feels she has some agency. So by saying she can’t move you’re making her powerless, and that’s never good. Let her go, she will find it hard, but as it’s her decision you may find she makes it work.

If as an adult she is in a situation where she feels lonely and unsupported, what do you want her to do? Stay put beyond a 6 month wait to see if things improve, or change her life?

You say she has hobbies twice a week outside school. Why have no friends materialised from this? Does she find social interactions difficult? Moving school may be the right decision but she may also need a different type of help.

Yh I agree with PP that lockdown has probably made things worse. Normally these things heal overtime. Lots of kids are having problems with this. As for the intake, you don't sound snobby, this is a huge thing and don't underestimate the fact that she may well be seen as a snobby girl coming from the snobby school which together with her now battered self esteem, would make things even harder.
Kids are cruel. I would only change if she already had an established friendship group at the other school and that's who she met up with.
Contact her tutor and explain the situation.