Current Year 10 2020/2021 support thread

DS was planning a sleepover for his 16th birthday (cancelled due to being at the point of lockdown when we couldn't have other people in our houses). And it's really common as a young adult to have friends crashing on your bedroom floor. So I guess don't expect them to peter out just yet.

However, as with crazycrofter I don't really bother much in terms of organisation these days when it comes to sleepovers.

@Rollergirl11 dd (year 12) still has them (in her room though) but they’re no bother these days. I do remember girl sleepovers being a real pain when she was 11/12 ish though, they were so noisy!

We’re in a local lockdown area as of Tuesday so can’t have anyone in the house, so no sleepovers for a while. But elsewhere in England I assume they’re allowed if your family is fewer than 6 people.

I don't think sleepovers would be an issue in England (unless your household is already six), although clearly the number allowed would depend on how many people there are in the host's family (and living at home).

At what age do the sleepovers tend to peter out? Both DD and DS had one last weekend, one at ours and one somewhere else. DS’s are always slightly easier to manage as they are asleep earlier and up earlier but DD sleeps in the living room with her friends, they invariably don’t get to sleep till 3 or 4am or something and then want to sleep in till midday! It’s a bit of a pain and I’m quite looking forward to DD outgrowing them....

Yes I’m assuming sleepovers not allowed from tomorrow? Who knows? Will look again.

From an online article Wales247

“To tackle the spread of coronavirus, people in Wales must:

Always observe 2m social distancing;
Wash your hands regularly;
Cover your face in indoor public places;
If you meet another household, outside your extended household, stay outdoors. People must not socialise with people who are not in their household or extended household.
Work from home if you can.“

Some areas such as Caerphilly are under stricter measures “ extended households are no longer allowed and no social meetings with anyone you don’t live with are allowed. This applies in pubs and restaurants as well as in people’s homes.”

Hmm

Thanks for your insights @Canklesforankles and @Rollergirl11. It's strange because I am usually good at following my gut instinct but I have really dragged my heels uncharacteristically on this one. I am going to talk to her HoY this coming week.

On the subject of sleepovers, glad your DS enjoyed the sleepover. Good to get one in in case they are outlawed too at some point in the not to distant future (although difficult to understand how if they're still within their school year bubble when doing so!). DD is always really tired and stroppy after sleepovers, so I try to limit them to school hols for an easy life!

newmodel it does sound like she could have issues with executive functioning which can be part and parcel of ADHD/ADD. An impairment in this area may have an impact on a persons abilities with regards to planning, prioritizing, organizing, paying attention to and remembering details, and controlling emotional reactions.

DS really struggles with all of the above as well
as being completely unaware of time, telling it and how long it takes him to do things.

I’ve PMd you New with some more details of what we did.

DS is at a sleepover! It’s with a family we know really well. I started by saying it was term time and a bad idea but buckled. I just hope he did get some sleep as he was tired after the first week back, lots of new stuff. New teachers. His year group in one department all the time.

Mostly good though. Has some really good science teachers. One of them is the best teacher my kids have had across a few schools so that feels like a lottery win!

All this talk about ADD is interesting. In discussing my DD's dismay at being in lower sets (it's maths that is really bugging her) than she'd thought she'd be in, she herself came to the conclusion that "maybe it's because I'm slow to finish work and stay focused" (she rarely finishes exams and seems to take much longer doing homework than she should, in theory, need to). Both DP and I grew up in familyies where medicalising character traits (as they would have seen them) was frowned upon so my 'default position' is always to dismiss any doubts I've had about DD.

However, I do have to say that increasingly I've been thinking DD may be neurodiverse not least because of her leaving the house 'dramas' which descend into a maelstrom of panic, anxiety and blame (usually of me even though it's clearly due to her own disorganisation). The second day she was back at school she came downstairs ready to roll (or so I thought) but had ten minutes to spare before going to catch her bus. When she got up to leave I realised she didn't have her shoes on and then she was in a flying panic trying to find them which then caused an escalation in anxiety and 'flapping'. It doesn't seem to matter if she has more time rather than less (I always wake her up with an hour in which to get ready as I know she needs that time to do so), there is always some way in which she is disorganised. If it's not losing shoes, it's forgetting her face mask (which I'd reminded her about only five minutes before she left). But there's always something.

So, I am thinking that this is something I should talk to her HoY about if I raise the issue of the sets she's in (I'm reserving judgement about the latter - for maths at least - until she's done a test in a couple of weeks, as it wouldn't surprise me if they don't move them around based on their results. What would you advise oh wise Mumsnetters?

I don't want to speak out of turn @Naem as this may be a bit of a curveball, but some of what you describe below reminded me of information we were given when DD was under investigation for absences - have a look

www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/syndromes/childhood-absence-epilepsy

Naem the YouTube link above is about ADHD/ADD in girls. May be worth a watch.

In other news DS reports that some of the maths topics have been dropped from 2021 exams so thy have more time to cover the remaining topics? Sounds good.

@poshme - no, no idea what it is! Just went and googled it. This comes up:
" What are the signs of dyspraxia?
Symptoms
Poor balance. ...
Poor posture and fatigue. ...
Poor integration of the two sides of the body. ...
Poor hand-eye co-ordination. ...
Lack of rhythm when dancing, doing aerobics.
Clumsy gait and movement. ...
Exaggerated 'accessory movements' such as flapping arms when running.
Tendency to fall, trip, bump into things and people."

Hmm, on balance I would probably say no. While some bits of this are right (as in, she did used to fall, trip and bump into things and people, especially when younger, and she struggled with dance, and if you are walking with her, unless you are holding her hand, she had a tendency to cut into your path), her sense of balance is good, and she was a climber from an early age (would climb anything, I would find her at the top of the monkey bars for the older kids when she was still only supposed to be on the younger ones), and loves things like Go Ape, and riding her bicycle (does fall off sometimes, but who doesn't). I think when she bumps into people and things it is because she is not paying attention, and that she enjoys climbing because it forces her to pay attention and use her whole body. She is definitely not ungainly. Part of this ability to slip under the radar wouldn't work if she was. She has an extraordinary ability to slip into class (late, because she gets lost, sense of direction is terrible) while somebody else is being bawled out for being late, and the teacher doesn't notice. I call it her invisibility cloak - she managed to spend most of 3rd Grade without the teacher actually knowing who she was. It is really weird, she can sort of disappear, but when she does that, she doesn't record what has gone on either, that is what I mean about not learning. It is like she is not there, not for her and not for those around her. More perceptive teachers sometimes spend time jerking her back into reality, but that drives her nuts, she finds it really stressful if they come and bang on her desk all the time. Her Year 2 teacher put a sand/egg timer on her desk to help her be aware of the passage of time, which also drove her crazy, but it is true her sense of time is the thing that is awful, rather than space.
But I do really appreciate the suggestion, as I feel I am grappling with a bit of an unknown here, and as Canklesforankles says, sometimes a diagnosis can really help with self esteem (although sometimes I think it won't, with DS I made the decision that I thought it would be labelling rather than helpful, and that he would use it to justify rather than working at it, so I deliberately did not seek out a diagnosis, and just acknowledged to him that there was some form of non neurotypicality that meant he had to struggle with certain things and we needed to strategise around them). But with her I am not sure, I at least would like to have a better handle on whatever it is.

@naem have you thought about dyspraxia? Can cause organisation to be difficult.

MrsW - we have our first case too. It’s in a different year group and the whole year have to self isolate for 14 days (with online learning) but the rest of the school stays open.... I think this is just the start.

@Rollergirl11 we've been given details of what to do if our year bubble is sent home and if there are any symptoms which is really straightforward. We don't know yet (and school might not tell us to be honest) what the threshold is for this to happen.

I know they've got to be super careful and the school have been really good with communication etc so we'll wait and see what comes next

Naem we got an assessment done privately. It had a profound effect on DD’s self esteem as she went from thinking she was a bad person to thinking she was doing well with some real challenges.
School wasn’t quite so transformed. She liked these “How to ADHD” videos on YouTube

m.youtube.com/watch?v=dmeE3qTJRUw

@Canklesforankles How did you get your DD assessed? I am very suspicious that DD is ADD (but without the H). Of your list:

School was more tiring for her (the sensory inputs, keeping stillish and quietish), trying to focus and switch attention, tracking (also dyslexic) Mine is not dyslexic, happy to be stillish and quietish (but then she goes off into daydreams and doesn't learn anything), but the rest sounds right on point.. If she focuses on learning, she needs to fiddle to keep focused (the best thing we have found is a sequined pencil case, and she strokes the sequins back and forth). She was yelled at by her chemistry teacher for doing this this week (she does it under the desk, but in the science labs the desks are high, and she could see. She has one chemistry lesson in the science labs and one in the regular classroom, and she said the chemistry teacher didn't notice in the regular classroom). But as she says, if I don't fiddle, I can't learn. Before GCSEs, we took the attitude that in subjects that weren't going to be important, it didn't actually matter if she learnt, and better she keep quiet. But when she is quiet, she really isn't there.

Teachers were baffled by her because she was obviously bright and enthusiastic and just didn’t have the organisational skills to match so it looked like lack of effort Teachers are baffled by her lack of organisational skills, and even more so about how slow she is at doing anything. Why does it take her half the lesson to get things out of her pencil case and get down to work?. Why does it look like she is working industriously, and very little has been done when she is so obvously trying? And yet if she gets long enough she gets everything right, even the hard questions.

She needed a lot of downtime to relax and recharge otherwise she got really stressed and her sleep went from poor to diabolical. She was a good sleeper at primary school, but now we are having huge problems, which I definitely think is stress related (got much better during lockdown, if anything she thrived in lockdown).

I dunno, there is something, but I don't know if it is quite the same. (BTW, her older DS, I was suspicious for years he also had ADHD, but didn't want to get him diagnosed, as I was a bit concerned about him being put on to Ritalin - he was rather H, had endless problems with him calling out and getting out of his seat, but because he was genuinely interested in academic subjects, he was also a joy for the teachers to teach, because he was always so enthusiastic, and the first to respond and absorb and interact. Had less problem getting him to do homework, although it tended to be rushed and slapdash and all over the place. But what really helped was that he actually really interested in Maths and Science and English and History and Geography, especially if taught orally, and his oral responses were always so good, that we just worked on strategies to make the written stuff a bit better).
And now I am looking at a DD who has spent her life flying under the radar, and wondering, does she actually have something more linked to DS than I imagined (understand that when DS is in the room, he is likely to be singing and dancing and making noise and taking up space, and DD is barely there, and I keep having to protect her from him). I guess that is why I am so interested, because from what I am reading on the web, ADD/ADHD does present differently in girls, and maybe this is just a female version.

@Canklesforankles and @crazycrofter yep the demand avoidance is particularly hard to get around! DS literally only got his diagnosis just before we went in to lockdown so we didn’t get a chance to speak to school about it. Just getting a meeting in place as we speak to discuss with his Head of Year and hopefully take from there. It’s very strange to get your head round when you have a very straight forward and self sufficient firstborn though. I have to constantly try not to compare, which is easier said than done.

@TheOnlyMrsW oh no!! Have school not told you what will happen in this instance? Our school have given no guidance on what happens within the year group if there is a positive case.

A local school has had a positive test and sent an entire year group home. I’m really hoping, praying, crossing fingers that this doesn’t happen.

DS1 will cope and manage as he is pretty self sufficient but I really want him to have a decent amount of face time. We’ll have to see.

@rollergirl11 ds is similar and was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago! He hates having to do homework and I check the SMHW app for him every night to see what’s due the next day, nag him to do it etc etc... He can’t plan or organise his work and will not do it unless it’s due the next day.

Dd (year 12) had no input from me for the whole of secondary, she was organised, self-motivated etc from the word go so it’s not a parenting failure! She has always done homework the day it’s set!

DD's school have said that they're not setting homework for the the first 2 weeks so that they can all settle back into the new routines first. It used to be a bit of a battle, she would definitely procrastinate with the subjects she didn't enjoy (and knew she wasn't taking into GCSE) like Art/Design and would then be rushing to get them finished the night before.............I'm hoping that now she is doing subjects she enjoys - apart from Maths - that it will be less stressful.

In other news, we've had a message from school that there is a positive CV test within the school community so not sure what will happen next.

Yes the procrastination/demand avoidance is really difficult to handle isn’t it?

Canklesforankles yes we kind of already do that. We have set 5pm to 6pm as homework time but he could quite easily spend that time (and longer) kicking off about having to do it! Sometimes we are able to avoid full-on meltdown and others not. We are in with a chance if it’s something he likes but if it’s a subject that he hates then it is very very tricky. He is completely not able to start any task himself so I have to sit with him and explain. So it really impacts on our home time. Actually it might be a bit easier for us as a family now that DH is working from home a lot more and can share some of the support that DS needs.

DS got his only ever central detention for forging my signature in his HW planner!

DD already in a fuss because she reckons she's in lower sets than she should be in (it would appear she's in one for foundation level maths which she is really upset about). I have advised her that at this stage the sets may be very fluid (particularly after no schooling for six nigh on six months) and that she should reserve judgement until after they've done a test towards the end of the month (which I suspect is a tool for checking that they've got them where they should be, or not).

Rollergirl it’s so hard isn’t it? I have a DD with ADHD and it was hard because:

School was more tiring for her (the sensory inputs, keeping stillish and quietish), trying to focus and switch attention, tracking (also dyslexic)

Teachers were baffled by her because she was obviously bright and enthusiastic and just didn’t have the organisational skills to match so it looked like lack of effort

She needed a lot of downtime to relax and recharge otherwise she got really stressed and her sleep went from poor to diabolical.

What worked for her was having a “Power Hour” every weekday evening, usually 6-7 where she sat at the kitchen table and did her work or revision. This meant she knew when she needed to work but also knew when her downtime would be. So did I, which really helped as we were less likely to have homework panics at 11pm which never went well.

This may sound very interventionist if people have neurotypical DC but it worked for DD and me.