Panic thread about £25k / yr fees

Completely agree, it is not about the academic provision.

Reefedsail it depends what you want. The broader opps to try more sport, better facilities, wraparound care, or maybe a lifestyle choice, for sure; but to get into a top independent at 11+? Not necessary. Our state primary had over half the children get into fiercely competitive independents, including the top schools in the country. Saying this, it wasn't the primary school, but the parents paying for tutors (far cheaper than school fees).

We went for the grammar place - it's not great and we made the wrong choice for DS. It depends on your child though - if they are very good at the extra-curricular things they like it's usually okay. Just didn't work for my averagely good son, who is not able to do any of the extra-curricular things he loved.
Some of the teaching isn't great either and the state sector struggles to hold onto their good teachers.
With DS2 we didn't make the same mistake!

We have used state and private and ime it comes down to how good the state is in terms of any gap. Private is usually always good to excellent, but state can also be a range.

We got very lucky with state and seeing posts on here lately about crowding and online provision it’s clear the state has been excellent. Pure luck though. We didn’t move to get into it, people do now though, tiny area to get in.

Also big advantage, they can stay at their private school until 9pm if they like, so come home fed, work done etc. They finish lessons at 5 so can leave anytime between 5 and 9. Works well for us.

We have this option at the prep- why does it only suddenly become a big advantage at Y9? My DS chooses to sleep over too some nights, just because he really likes it there and wants to spend some extra time with his friends.

Twiddly fancy prep is a waste of money IMO.

I've taught is state primaries for 20 years and have DC in a good 3-13 prep, and I promise you this isn't true!

same here x
Nobody's job is secure at all especially in a recession, we are fortunate to be in ongoing full time employment and have 2 DCs in state primary so we are taking this opportunity to save like crazy and hope to have funds ready for when they start secondary.

This is us blissful21. Feel very fortunate at the moment BUT the sector we work in is not at all secure so we find ourselves saving up whilst we can as next year (or the next) is likely to be extremely dodgy. We have one DC at an independent and the other is going to a grammar (if they hadn't got in there, then we would have sent them private and hoped for the best!)

Not sure anyone raised this but many middle class parents now find them with extra savings in post COVID world and might one to look into using those savings for private school fees.

We are saving more than £1k a month from commuting and wrap around childcare costs as both parents have been working from home. Added with reduced eating out, holidays, petrol, parties etc, we are saving about £2-£3k a month.

It looks like this is set to stay, we are probably going back to work next year with 2-3 days in the office and the rest from home. We will take alternate days to commute so there will always be one at home hence there will be no more wrap around childcare.

I think this applies to many parents, provided their jobs are secure (a big if but seems apply to many right now) so demand for private schooling will increase.

That's a really tough call. From your last post it does sound as though you're pretty convinced you've made the wrong choice. We made a similar choice and haven't regretted it, but in our case the independent would 'win' in every category (even though the state option was very good) - the only slight negative is that friends are a bit more geographically spread. But if you have quite a few reservations then it sounds like the overall difference might not be worth the money. I don't think results alone are enough reason to choose a school, when intakes are so variable, and particularly if you have a bright and self motivated child. You say that some of the school's policies are a negative - is this something practical or a worry about the ethos of the school?

If you could be more sure of the speed of getting a place at the state option then it might be worth not starting anywhere in September (particularly given Covid), but this is obviously a very risky move. What does your DC think about all this - are they aware? And you talk about DC1 - do you have another child, and if so do your future plans for them affect your decision for DC1 now?

SleeplessinSWLon the state schools near you sound fab, I must say!

Also big advantage, they can stay at their private school until 9pm if they like, so come home fed, work done etc. They finish lessons at 5 so can leave anytime between 5 and 9. Works well for us.

We saved our cash and went outstanding state for years 7 and 8. Nice school, but the indie is far better. All my teens blossomed academically at the indie. Lockdown work was full online school. Wouldn't ever pay for Reception- year8 though unless local provision absolutely dire. Twiddly fancy prep is a waste of money IMO.

Yes, that makes sense. Although I'm not sure my DC would say that their private school has "good food"

Yes, I agree, I didn't phrase that very well. Of course you do get problems (including sex and drugs problems) at private schools. I guess what I meant is just that some potential difficulties and sources of unhappiness can be avoided (or picked up early) by a pleasant environment and high staff ratios.

That's true to some extent, but I don't think paying for pastoral care or shiny facilities stops drugs or sex at independent schools. In fact drug use can often be more prolific at private schools where kids have more money.

In the private school, I feel I can phone the school and ask them to sort out any problem my DC may have or ask for extra support if needed (NB. They may not always oblige if they don't agree). I am a customer paying for a service. The parents are involved all the way. I believe at state schools there is less parental involvement and the view is to let the school get on with sorting out any issues.

You get more of the personal touch, definitely, at an independent school. Whether it's worth paying for it again comes down to individual situation and views.

When people talk about pastoral care they are often thinking about how well or badly a school deals with quite serious issues (bullying, drug use, sexual issues, major behavioural problems etc). As the PP says, there can be big variations in how schools deal with these, and my guess based on anecdote is that private schools are not necessarily any better at this sort of thing. You could argue that they're possibly worse - they probably have less experience of certain kinds of problems (in that they can avoid admitting children with problematic backgrounds in the first place, to some extent) and they have greater powers to expel students in the case of serious transgressions rather than necessarily dealing with the fallout.

But one of the things you are arguably paying for at an independent school is the kind of environment that may help to prevent some of these problems arising in the first place. Things like small form groups so that pastoral tutors have lots of time to give to each student. Smaller teaching groups so that teachers can provide more individual academic support. Lots of attractive outdoor space and comfortable, well-equipped communal areas for kids to hang around in. Low levels of disruptive behaviour in class. Long lunch breaks so that students have a proper break. Lots of extra curricular activities to keep kids occupied during breaks and after school, and help them to make new friends. Good food. I think that all of these things contribute to a school's pastoral care, before you even think about how it deals with 'problems'.

I think like with everything depends on the school. Some state schools offer great pastoral care and some privates don't and vice versa.

We had a similar quandary before deciding. Place at a great grammar school and several independent offers. At the time we didn’t have the money to be able to afford private secondary unless I went back to work full time. It wasn’t just the fees but the knock on impact on family life (I also have a younger child). We decided that no, the difference wasn’t that great that we could justify the money and compromise on our family life.

Then we had a change in financial circumstances and could afford our preferred independent school. At that point we decided that it was the school for her and so that’s where she is going. I would have been equally happy if she had chosen the grammar though.

I honestly think affordability plays a great part in how comfortable you are in sending your child to private school. If you have to scrimp and save and you have a great state school option, then I would say you don’t get £25k worth of extra each year. You get something, but not enough to throw everything else in your life off kilter.

True Alsoplayspiccolo. I have one in each. Different children, choice between different schools

Breezebythesea, nowhere have I said that it doesn’t.
As I said in my PP, not all state schools are the same, not all private schools are the same.
My post was in response to the OP saying that she wasn’t sure there was £25k a year’s worth of difference.

Unless you try one school and then change to the other, it’s impossible to say what the difference between them is, and certainly not just by looking at league tables and exam stats.

For us, personally, we feel private school has been worth every penny.

Alsoplayspiccolo It depends very much on the state school (and the private school) in question, the child's needs and family circumstances / finances.

OP is being sensible and objective (now she has some distance away from the 11+ madness) and is assessing what's best for her DC and the family. With a self motivated DC who is obviously clever, are the pastoral care and the facilities offered worth £175k (at her calculations of 25k a year), and rising, over 7 years to their family when her DC potentially has the opportunity to go to, what sounds like, a great state school? Obviously only she can decide. It's a shame it's at this late stage but, as others have said, it happens!