Panic thread about £25k / yr fees

Sorry to resurrect an old thread, but @SleeplessinSWLon - how has Y7 worked out?

• booked her in for clubs in her state school (open to anyone who wanted)
• took her to swimming lessons
• took her to ballet/musical theatre lessons
• took her to sailing club

So she competed against other schools (though not weekly) in fact from reception and had performances at least termly and a full play yearly.

In fact, another parent (who had experienced both state and private education) suggested to me that the provision in private schools tends to be a bit less comprehensive re ballet etc (although some sort of provision is there) and then it is more difficult to provide the extra input after hours because of logistics of time.

OP - with the best will in the world, you are not even a term into your decision. Whether you and your dd feel this happy to have rejected City in 7 years time - that is the key?

A decent comprehensive can be a great choice for some kids but to call them an open door of opportunity is probably rather optimistic.

The 11+ is a horrible process but just because you feel you got swept up into making the wrong decision, doesn't mean the majority of your peers feel the same.

@SleeplessinSWLon I could have written your post three years ago. My DD was an academic high achiever at (state) primary and also very sporty. I felt I would be doing her a disservice not to explore all options and she sat (and received offers from) Putney, Latymer Upper and Tiffin. But both of us had loved our visit to the local co-ed comprehensive (Grey Court) and we decided that was the best fit for her and she has had the most amazing 2 and a bit years. She has embraced the extra curricular sport - football, netball, basketball, athletics, cricket etc - with training and competitive fixtures. And participated in pantos and musicals - both in onstage and backstage roles. The teachers are (mostly) awesome and totally committed to helping every student do the best they can. In SW London we have some amazing schools - both state and private - and it is worth remembering that when you think about embarking upon (or are in the middle of) the 11+ pressure.

Well done OP, glad it worked out. Seems wrong that the school stung you for one term's school fees when they had children on the waiting list. Under US contract law there would be a "duty to mitigate" and you wouldn't be charged unless they truly out of pocket. (Appreciate this isn't the US, but still a little shocked.)

Well done OP. Five years ago we made a very similar decision - realised that the independent school place we'd opted for was just not right for DS1 - not based on the cost or value add - more that we realised that the independent school was wrong for him and the local state secondary with his friends would be much, much better.

I can still remember how sick I felt, for weeks on end, realising that we had made a mistake.

We moved him to the local state secondary once a place became available and he never looked back, was back with his friends, made more great friends, did brilliantly academically (all GCSE grades 7-9) and it just felt right.

For some people independent school is the perfect choice but for others state is a much more comfortable fit and that was certainly the case for us.

Good luck to your DS, I hope he has a brilliant time.

That's good news. Although, I don't know why people leave it to the last minute to decline their state place. Not fair.

SleeplessinSWLondon congratulations! I assume this was your first choice that you were near the top of the waiting list for? So you got in sooner than you thought?

Well done op! Did you have to pay a term fees?

joining the underwater stamp collecting society

I have 3 DCs (one finished) and I can honestly say that prep was by far the best experience and value for money of any schooling. State primary + tutoring is now a recognised economic subset for people who can't afford prep fees but with an increased family income usually due to 2 full time working parents can stretch to senior school fees. What is ridiculous is how this subset tries to convince everyone that school fees are a waste of money until the point that their child enters the system which is of course absolute nonsence.

Having older DCs I have seen the other side of this when the university visits start and the state primary DCs these families thought they had left behind are looking at the same uni courses but receiving more favourable offers because they are applying from a state school. I know of a couple of families who crippled themselves financially to send their DCs to Indys for seniors and afterwards they just couldn't understand why. Like you OP they just got caught up in it.

In reality OP in Y10 and Y11, and GCSE courses increasingly start in Y9, all pupils are studying for the same public exams using the same text books, the same online resources and they all have a qualified teacher. Classes may be slightly smaller in the Indy but the difference is tiny compared to the vast difference in class size between prep and state primary. Provided a school streams/sets a bright DC will be in a top set with similar ability pupils looking to get good GCSE grades. Look at any SW London comp and every year there are pupils leaving these schools with a string of top grades. So what your DS is missing out on is a couple of years of making the most of the schools resources and facilities, joining the underwater stamp collecting society etc but in a covid world most of that is not even possible.

My Dcs only attend Indys because the cost is not significant to us, SW London state schools are good enough that no-one should be looking to bankrupt themselves to avoid them.

I've yet to see a state primary school where every single child does sport every single day, every child in Y3+ has a fixture against another school twice a week and every single child has a swimming lesson every single week, more if they are in swim team. All within school hours so they are still free to do higher level sport out of school.

I've also yet to see a state primary school where every child is on the stage every term and in a full play every year, or where both music and drama (separately) are delivered weekly by specialist staff.

Maybe they do exist and I just haven't come across it in the 20 years I've been working.

Both my twins passed the 11 plus but chose different grammar schools to attend. Both grammar schools considered top schools. We quickly realised by comparing the grammars that despite a good reputation, my daughters grammar was an exam sweat shop so we moved her to a private school. My son’s grammar is amazing - it’s so popular that in recent years the catchment has been limited to three miles. However, after experiencing a good independent school I have been left wondering if we should have also sent him to a private school. My daughter’s class sizes are half the size of her brother’s. It’s easy to get lost and forgotten when there is 30/32 in a classroom.

Saying this, my DC's primary was lovely and nurturing The music was great. Sports not so. Another school locally has the most fantastic sport and really good wraparound. So you can get it at state schools. At our school, the kids were really sporty, so did loads out of school. A few received independent school sports scholarships.