Think I made the wrong secondary choice

I could have written your post, OP. I have spent a good bit of July having exactly this wobble. I just keep reminding myself of the reasons why we made the decision we did, and that I had to make it for DS and that might be different to decisions made by his classmates parents.

I was interested to see the comments up thread about strict going along with calm classes and low tolerance for bullying, as these are pretty much why we made the decision we did for DS.

Also agree about going along on a normal school day. "Fun" school was really not nice on the daytime visit.

It sounds as if both schools are excellent but your gut feeling told you that School B was the right one for your DD and I think that's important. DD's school also says helping on open day is compulsory, but I know of a few DCs who didn't help for whatever reason! Maybe some of the rules which seem so stringent may not be quite so vigorously enforced in reality. But I think the key thing is that your DD is prepared and excited about the school, so I wouldn't try and change things, which could make her v unsettled, at this stage. Good luck to her!

Nishky it is great that it worked for your dd, and clearly you had additional information about the school, just as drivingmisspotty has about the school she turned down. It sounds as if it was both you and she deciding and it really worked for her. Having heard from friends at other schools my dd is even more pleased she is where she is.

The point I was making was that of the two comparable schools near us, the fun/lively one you can easily transfer into if it doesn't work because after a few terms the gloss wears off and issues aren't addressed so people leave / home ed. The strict/good results one is really hard to transfer into at a later point because it is well managed and students are happy, you can wait on the list for years with little chance of a place. OP probably knows best what the situation is where she is though and whether the waiting list movement is a consideration.

Excellent points by TW

Sounds as though you in all likelihood have a good school for her and she is gearing up for it happily.

I totally understand the summer holiday second guessing/ spiralling of thoughts and I think that this summer is more prone to it than usual.

Relax, embrace the choose and enjoy summer if you can

TW - I have just made the same point about changing schools if necessary. My dd chose a different school to any of her friends because she absolutely loved the feel of the school - and I did too- it was the 3rd of 4 that we looked at and we liked the other two but the minute we walked out of this she was adamant she wanted to go there. Helped that a friend had the same experience with her daughter 8 years previously so we had some inside information.

Yes but a 10 year old can't make fully reasoned judgements. They see ipads, don't look at the small print that parents have to buy them and they can only have school apps on them. They see their friends going to school A and want to go there without considering that some schools divide up children into different classes, their 'friends' might not choose them to be in their class or might decide to reinvent themselves two days into secondary school and dump their old friends. The child sees detentions without considering that if they behave they are less likely to get a detention but if they like a quiet class then detention is often part of that.

Yes parents don't always know best but if drivingmisspotty has knowledge of the behaviour of the other school and her dd is happy with the decision then she is obviously not going to be dragging her kicking and screaming to school on day 1. If it turns out to be the wrong school then she can probably more easily move to the other school than the other way around.

@drivingmisspotty one thing I did console myself with is that you are not signing up to the full 5 years and that children do successfully change schools

@TW2013 I don’t agree that parents know best- as parents we are not by our children’s sides and don’t really know how they interact.

My view was that if we forced a choice and she was unhappy then that would cause an issue

The school she chose was considered to be the worst in the area with some low level behaviour issues- my daughter was very shy and lacking in confidence- I won’t say it was all plain sailing but she gained excellent GCSE results, predicted excellent A levels and most importantly she is so confident and outgoing it is gobsmacking to me ( how I wish I had worried less )

She is only 11, possibly 10 when you submitted the form, I think you were right to go with your view as you knew more than she did and she sounds a bit like my dd who does thrive in a more ordered, quiet classroom. Where two schools are equivalent we are happy to go with the child's preference but where you can see that one will suit them more than another you should exercise your parental right of veto. That is why parents fill in the application forms rather than children doing it in class at the beginning of yr6.

If she is excited then I would build it up and see how she goes. I imagine she will learn from others mistakes early on in yr7 and might avoid detention entirely. We sold detention to dd as just trying to make sure everyone follows the rules and to remind them. All but the most disruptive children soon adjusted.

Why didn’t you let your daughter choose? We discussed options at length but ultimately we put as first choice the one my dd wanted to go to.

Extra curricular activities were compulsory, everyone HAD to do three a week and if you didn't sign up voluntarily then they had a mental health group they would really push instead which helped dd jump into activities she actually did want to do. She still goes to clubs and missed them in lockdown as they are a chance to make likeminded friends. She is very much the exception. By Christmas clubs were not pushed as much, by yr8 it was more a case of form tutor saying 'Anyone going to a club at lunchtime? Anyone at all? Come on someone other than miniTW must be going to some sort of club today'.

I imagine with covid and bubbles, restricting movement etc many clubs won't run as often yr7 and 8 are combined, they are run in classrooms at lunchtime which might not be their usual class etc. Especially where single classes are bubbles in yr7.

Likewise helping at open evenings I am not sure will go ahead this year and my dc loved showing off their school. Duke of Edinburgh is a long way off and they can make it compulsory all they like but if your dd doesn't do voluntary work/ physical/ skills section then she won't get the award.

I think by making it compulsory they are setting the expectations, they know that some people won't do it but most will. I think that the world appears differently to an 11 yr old. They are used to being told what to do so this is one more expectation. I think as long as you appear enthusiastic she will probably embrace it.

I would go to school b AND go on the waitlist for a.

Tbh, if you're in England, school will be pretty tough wherever this term so it'll be very hard to judge.

Where are her friends going? Does she make friends easily?

Your LA is wrong. You do not need a good reason to go on the waiting list for school A. The Admissions Code is clear. You have the absolute right to apply for any school at any time outside the normal admissions round (paragraph 2.21). Far too many LAs try to place obstacles in the way of parents wanting to move their child to a different school within the LA. It shouldn't happen. If you really want to put your daughter on the waiting list for school A you can do so. If the LA refuse, tell them you will refer the matter to the Local Government Ombudsman as a clear case of maladministration.

Having said that, I agree with others that you shouldn't change at this stage. If you find that the school really doesn't suit your daughter you can apply for school A later.

We went for the strict but good results school. I warned her that because they are strict and she was disorganised that she probably would get detentions but to just always do her best.

She has been there a few years, no detentions, much more organised and loves school. Despite the strict reputation she says that if they know you try your best they are less likely to give you a detention if you occasionally forget something. She finds that due to the strict rules there is less messing about than at primary school so they can all get on with their work. The more lively/fun school also tolerates more lively/fun children which might be fine in yr7 but gets annoying by yr10 when some want to work and others still want to play.

How easy is it to move later on? The strict/good results school near us is hard to get into beyond yr7 intake as few people want to leave and lots of people want to move to it. The lively/fun school is easier to get into later on. I would probably give the stricter school a go as she seems up for it and reevaluate if you have problems.

It does though for me depend on how strict it is. Not sure I could stomach the Michaela school but I guess it depends on the alternatives and your dc.

Try not to mess your daughter around. Go with the school she is gearing up towards. And excited about now. Remember there's no bad choice here, just different ones.