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Original poster

Confused about mainstream school choices for special needs DS

55 replies

chickenlittlee · 25/07/2020 09:11

Hello all.

I am at my wits' end trying to zero in on a secondary school for DS who has ASD, Speech and Language Delay, LD, so your thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

He attends a mainstream primary (with an EHCP and a TA) and has managed as he's a stringent rule-follower, so we've never had a complaint with his behaviour in school.

For years, he played 'alongside' children rather than with them (mainly due to delayed language - he first spoke in a proper sentence at the end of year 3). So on his birthday in year 4, I threw a big party inviting his entire class in an attempt to break the ice and get something going in the way of friendships. It worked, and he became friends with two other children. The children got invited to days out etc, and the friendship blossomed, and with that his confidence and self-worth. DS has been badly bullied in school, and these friends have stood up for him. He will be starting year 6 in September and now has a group of 4 friends he plays with. I am no longer as involved in keeping the friendship going as before, although there are times when I have to explain what DS meant/didn't mean as he struggles to articulate himself due to limited speech & vocabulary.

The school choices:

  1. Very small, private school in Bolton (We are in Manchester) - 10 out of 45 students in school have SEN.
    Students love it there, small class sizes, mixed ability.
    DS knows no one though and we will also have to move closer, as commuting is not an option for him.
    It is going to be a massive change for him on all fronts. The school has a prep school too, so not many new students start at the same time in year 7.

  2. Boys only faith school (we are of the same faith but not religious at all), which is where majority of boys from his school will attend.
    It's a new-ish school (3 years) so no ofsted yet, and they only got a proper SENCO last year.
    Obviously there is a big emphasis on religion which DS doesn't really understand. However, DS does want to attend here because his closest friends (2 out of 4) will be. Whilst there is no guarantee these friendships are going last, I am hoping familiar faces will be of comfort to him, and there will be less 'change' to adjust to. School's also strict on good behaviour, which will work for DS as he's been a rule follower all his life (so far!).

  3. Barrier free, inclusive school. It is larger than average (1700+ in secondary alone). Also, a boy and a girl from his friendship group will attend here.
    School sounds good on paper with many opportunities for SEN children although DS will be 'lost' here, IMO. Bullying is also rife.

I'm really torn and confused. DS's current SENCO visited the small, private school and was massively impressed. She also likes the larger, barrier free school but agrees it is intimidating due to its size.
The private school would've been my first choice, however I've now seen what friendships mean to DS. It is also far from easy for him to make new friends. His interests are much, much younger than that of his peers. So I'm thinking the faith school maybe?

I'm very confused - help please.

OP posts:
thunderthighsohwoe · 25/07/2020 09:50

As a teacher, I’d say 100% go for the private school. Friendships often change dramatically in Year 7, and if his interests are much younger than those of his peers he is going to get left behind very quickly when his friendship group mature. This is a period of disruption, but then potentially seven years of support.

We’ve (village primary with a good local offer/SENCO so attract lots of SEN) seen several parents battle to get partial fee coverage for independent secondaries for their children with additional needs. The only one in recent years to succeed is flourishing in the small class sizes and individual support. Others with ASD, global delay etc have either got lost in the local secondary or frustrated in the only specialist school in the area, which tends to deal with more complex cases.

FindingNeeeeemo · 25/07/2020 09:47

I think the first one would be too big a change, with the move etc.. And the last one - no way! So that leaves the faith school.

Original poster
chickenlittlee · 25/07/2020 09:40

@soccerbabe

In a perfect world, I'ld say the faith school (assuming EHCP would mean TA support there as well). But if you can afford it, the private school sounds like a smaller, kinder environment for your DS. It's difficult because it's so hard to predict whether primary school friendships will carry through to secondary Sad

I wouldn't touch the barrier free school with a barge pole. Sounds too big, and well intentioned but ineffectual (if bullying is so rife)

Thank you for replying, and also for ruling out the barrier free school. All the inclusive chat aside, they don't appear to provide a TA to SEN children in a normal-sized classroom (which is what DS has had in primary, and which I feel is what inclusivity should look like, in my opinion). Instead they put SEN children in separate groups and classrooms, which will work for some children but I can't see it working for DS. The faith school will be providing some one to one support to an autistic pupil starting there this year. And the private school does this too. Also, the private school fees will be covered by the EHCP. It's just a massive change on all fronts - new city, new house, new school, new everything.
OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 25/07/2020 09:33

My Ds has ASD but no learning disabilities. He has just finished year 11 at an all boys secondary and it's been an awful experience for him. The school has an outstanding Ofsted and has a good reputation locally.

Lots of bullying and it has not suited him at all. It was a very overwhelming, competitive and truly unpleasant environment for a vulnerable young man recently diagnosed with autism. He does not have an EHCP though and had very little support. He was completely 'lost'.

In hindsight it was the wrong choice for him and I would definitely not pick a 'boys only' school again. They can be tough places for a child that is emotionally immature and maybe a target for bullying.

But that is only our experiences. Personally I would be looking for the most 'inclusive' school you can find. The teenage years can be really tough and having a child with additional needs means it can be extra difficult. A good supportive secondary school could make a big difference.

soccerbabe · 25/07/2020 09:20

In a perfect world, I'ld say the faith school (assuming EHCP would mean TA support there as well). But if you can afford it, the private school sounds like a smaller, kinder environment for your DS. It's difficult because it's so hard to predict whether primary school friendships will carry through to secondary Sad

I wouldn't touch the barrier free school with a barge pole. Sounds too big, and well intentioned but ineffectual (if bullying is so rife)

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