Please help. Options for a y11 'too unwell for school'

I feel like this awful hard mum lots of the time but I have really strict boundaries in place. For me achieving 5 days a week in school is a really important thing (we never fully achieved it). DS1 has know there isn't the option to opt out of school but there is the option to feel safe and secure and get space when needed within school.

If the car and going out are becoming a fear can you attempt to break this before managing all the anxieties trying to get into school at once.

Does the car need cleaning? We all need 20 minutes fresh air for our vitamin D a day (I think thats a fact and not something I just made up to get my DC out the house once a day). DS1 is allowed to sit in the back garden or potter in the front - cleaning the car would count as his fresh air.

Building on from stepping out the house, a short drive to post a letter so she can jump out the car and pop it through the slot so you don't have to park. Then droping a letter to school, she can wait in the car. Then taking the school uniform order/ another letter into reception - hopefully you can wait with engine running and she can take it, or you go together. Then another trip where she goes in and you arrange that her form teacher/ senco/ a familiar adult is available to casually say hello (assuming an appropriate adult is in school - at ours lots, especially in pastoral roles, are now school based).

I cross posted with you OP. Sorry.

There's some great advice already, but definitely speak to your child's school. Is there a senior leader responsible for pastoral or inclusion you could speak to. Sometimes that all falls to the SENCo, other times it's two separate roles. It depends on the school.

This isn't meant to sound unsympathetic, but I'm aware that typing can sound different to speaking. It's worth objectively clarifying which category your DC falls into:

1. Is displaying signs of anxiety and as a parent you are worried that they will struggle to attend mainstream. This may include being upset on a mornings some refusal to go to school but they are still managing other areas of their life or managing other areas but less so than normal
2. Your child is displaying signs of anxiety, it's affecting how they function across their life, and school refusal is part of this.
3. Your child's mental health is at a point where they are unable to function with daily tasks and/or they are close to a crisis point.

That will make a difference to what educational provision will look like for your DC.

The aim is usually to keep children in mainstream with reasonable adjustments and additional support with relevant agencies.

If that's not possible then you will probably need to have medical support and the school aware of DC's issues. In my experience LAs can be slow at resolving these situations as there's not as much alternative provision around as would be ideal.

In my LA there's a team covering provision for hospital and medical education. Sometimes this means attending a smaller specialist setting, other times this means teachers from the team do home tuition.Any provision through this model is not the same as the provision in mainstream school so it might be that DC gets a smaller range of subjects as students unable to access mainstream need more time and support for other issues and reducing the academic load supports this.

It helps to have people onside. I have three DC, two with additional needs. One current yr 11 with full EHCP and diagnosis as long as your arms, the other yr 4 some diagnosis doesn't qualify for EHCP as working with school her needs are met. Her diagnosis is social communication disorder which mainly presents as severe anxiety (she physically shuts down/ freezes and is completely unable to engage when she gets overwhelmed. Sometimes she just faints) Most of the time she's a happy engaged child.

With my DD, yr 4, we have had a differentions with her peers from back in yr R. Working with the school she went into the class a few moments before her peers via reception so wasn't pushed and bashed around, she had a peg at the end of the row of coats, a draw for her work/ stuff in a slightly different location. She had the option to stay in at break time if she needed time out, she tried but wasn't forced to join in school swimming lessons (she can swim) because they were very noisy and everyone got very excited. She became very overwhelmed and it took two adults to help her out the pool. Because school have witnessed the extreme side of her anxiety getting the basic extra support hasn't been a massive fight.

DD has documented evidence of her strugles and a diagnosis which helps us get the support moving into each new year group phase.

An EHCP application is unlikely to get taken seriously if you aren't able to prove by documentation a track record of problems and needs not being met. I'm not suggesting you don't apply but suggesting initially you focus efforts on building a paper picture of needs and working out what support is lacking that you're requesting from the council beyond what school can provide. The EHCP supports a young adult through to 25 and post 16 support are starting to be more onboard with adhering to support needs so its not something to write off just because it wont be in place for September of yr 11.

DS1 YR11, autistic full EHCP major presenting difficulty is anxiety and need for rigid rules and structures to be followed. DS1 has also had a seperate entrance into school. His first point of contact has been within the autism provision he's attended rather than a bustly over excited class of teens. He then partook in a full academic timetable of subjects but we droped PE, he does PE from home i.e. we make sure he does some exercise every week, this enabled some downtime within the academic week to work through any issues in other subjects. For each subject he packs up and leaves just before the rest of the class so peek busy periods in coridors are avoided. His allocated seat in classrooms is to the side at the front so near the teacher for support and near the door should he need to remove himself from the class if overwhelmed.

DS has a place to withdraw to, a quiet supervised classroom in school. Not doing his subjects has never been an allowed option, by me or school, its a route I see others taking and don't know how you go back from. Once you start to get significantly behind in a subject its a mountain to climb to get back into it. I see it as a one way street. If that is the best option then take it but think of the end game, you can't partially drop a subject. You're better off focussing fully on 5, 6 or 7 than doing 9 part time.

If my DS is having an overwhelmed day he does his work in the quiet classroom. Sometimes he has to do it in an evening/ at the weekend if he hasn't been able to get the work before the lesson.

We dropped PE to create lag time in his week, he also didn't do all form group sessions - again creating catch up time. I did consider dropping RE but he wanted to keep going with it (he's very driven).

Dropping subjects without an EHCP is very difficult due to schools strict number crunching but saying you'll do certain subjects from home out of core school hours may be an option they would consider.

The three people to start by getting onside are your childs form tutor, the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) and the head of year.

If you haven't addressed your concerns with the school already, I'd start by sending an email to the form tutor and CC SENCO and Head of Year.

Detail the problems you were seeing with anxiety, the impact and I always find its useful to propose a few positive ways forwards whilst inviting their suggestions and recomendations. Include your contact details - email, mobile, landline and good times to contact. I say email because your message may be printed and you want them to be able to get intouch easily.

You say she is mentally unwell for fulltime school and I will try not to be too blunt but do you mean that due to her anxiety you don't know how she will cope (yes it is very overwhelming as a parent their anxiety is completely contagious and to resist the desire to keep them where they are safe and secure at home is a real daily battle), or you absolutely catagorically know she can't?

If there is a chance she can, the meassures to put inplace are that she is in school 5 days a week, every week but with pressure relief options. Different start/finish time to lessons, quiet classroom/ use of library space, academic curiculum only, emotional support etc.

If she is physically debilitated by her anxiety and sleeping/ shut down 20 hours a day then a part time timetable with medical support is something the school may consider.

The LA have a statutory duty to provide education for those too unwell for school. If the LA won't or are slow in doing so (as they often are) you should threaten Judicial Review. This is the guidance. If you google your LA and medical needs EOTAS tuition you may be able to find their offer and the contact details of who to speak to. It could be online provision, home tutoring, small group or hospital tuition.

Alongside that you should submit a parental request for an EHCNA. IPSEA have a model letter you can use here. Normally the legal timescale for the LA to decide whether it is going to assess is 6 weeks, and you can threaten JR if they fail to stick to it. However, the deadlines have been relaxed, but only where the reason they can not meet the deadline is because of covid-19. Some LAs have decided they aren't carrying out assessments at all at the moment, but that is illegal.

Aria20 anyone waiting months for an EHCNA prior to Covid-19 should look at JR. The relaxation of the timescales do not apply where the deadline was prior to 1st May.

Part time timetables should be short term working towards reintegration. Long term part time timetables are illegal whether or not parents agree to it. See page 17 here.

It very much depends on the school, if you work with the school and the LA they are more likely to help with things like part time timetables. Has she engaged with the online learning during lockdown as if so it could be an option to explore.

You can apply to your LA for an ehcp assessment (in England) but the waiting list is months and that was before all the corona back logs so whilst it would be worth contacting your LA to potentially get the ball rolling, be aware that the length of the whole process may mean you won't get the relevant support you need in time.

Is she under CAMHs (CHYPMHs it's now known!) or does she have a social worker as you've said she's adopted? If not you can refer yourself, you should be able to google it for your area, but it usually adds more weight if you are referred by the GP. Again though they are so stretched that their criteria for even an assessment is ridiculous... I had to take my 11yo son to a&e for an urgent mental health assessment due to trying to run in front of a lorry on a main road and jump out of second floor window at school!! Because despite numerous attempts at referrals from me, school and GP he wasn't deemed severe enough to meet their criteria for assessment!

It is a fight to get help and support so good luck x

The local authority has overriding responsibility to provide education. Speak to them, they may have schools that can do home tuition etc.
If still too unwell then explore an EHCP as it'll open avenues for college which sounds like she may need.

Is she still registered with a school?

Do you have an official statement that she's too unwell from school from CAMHS or a consultant?

Do you have an appointed family liaison/ family support worker?