Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

How to support not-coping bright Y7 with no time

30 replies

Echobelly · 31/05/2020 20:05

So DD is 11, bright and in Y7... her brother is in Y4 and struggling, so what little time we have tends to be given to him and we hoped she'd get on and she seemed to be - we saw her doing work, we didn't hear much from school one way or another. But it's becoming increasingly clear she's hardly handed anything in and didn't tell us because she knew I was already overwhelmed with work and DS, and she feared DH would be angry and he has even less time than I do.

I'm in bits, I have nothing more left to give after helping DS and DH has no time - I feel awful for leaving her to it. I don't worry about her academically she is very bright and it's not a massive inflection point in that sense, and I don't worry about the school as they know that (though I am annoyed we/she had so little feedback) but I feel so bad for leaving her to it and that I don't know what else we can do.

I think she is finding it very difficult to do work without the structure of school, but we can't really provide much structure either. She wakes up very early and does her work then, and often says she has done all her work by mid-morning (but now she's saying she can't finish anything in the given time)

The only solution I can see at the moment is to hire someone as babysitter/
tutor for DS for a few hours a day (AFAIK one is allowed to have childcare in, no one in our house is particularly at risk from Corona) so we can give the time to DD, which we are in a position to afford as long as DH's contract lasts, which may not be much beyond the end of this month.

OP posts:
ITonyah · 31/05/2020 21:47

I would prioritise your year 7 over your year 4 tbh.

Original poster
Echobelly · 31/05/2020 21:45

Thanks for advice all.

We both wfh - DH is on a contract and it's very full on, he basically only has lunchtime when he's free and not on call, and otherwise on working 8.45-6.30ish or sometimes later. He's only paid for the days he works and it's only a short contract, so he can't take any time. My work isn't quite as full on, but still busier than I have ever been before as we are doing extra work plus there are people in our team on furlough, and we're about to go into a particularly intense bit.

The school uses Show My Homework, and I am on it but can't always be clear what's handed in etc.

I think a big thing we need to do is to get her to ask someone for help - teachers or peers, if we're not available. The teachers can be emailed, but I don't know how good any of them will be at replying.

Work seems to get set 'on the day' and she says too much stuff is coming in on top of other things. They are starting more lessons via Tems this half term and that may help things a bit - I do wonder if she ought to do more of a 'school day' because even if she feels she works best early in the morning, I wonder if she's just trying to put the work behind her.

I have heard people say 'you could work with kids during the day and do your work in the evening' but I know myself and it's not an option. A lot of my work, especially lately given the project we are on, is long daytime calls, so I have to be at work at those times. Also I just cannot manage what would effectively end up being 10-12 hour work day. I've never been a long hours person, I really can't work in the evenings at all, and I need breaks, I would go stark raving bonkers if I tried to do that, TBH.

@Divoc2020 - online buddy is an interesting idea.

I think I might start by contacting head of year, saying it's become clear she's not coping, that we are looking at supporting her more, and does she have any suggestions?

OP posts:
RedskyAtnight · 31/05/2020 20:39

What sort of work is she set and when is it set?

e.g. DD's school sets work for the lessons they would have if they were in school, but they don't always get uploaded until the time the lesson would start.

What sort of support does school offer? Is there a teacher available online to answer questions, can she email?

My DD tries to work as she would for a normal school day so starts work at the same time, takes breaks etc. She often "chats" to friends in her class over social media or face times and they talk about the work (as well as general chat!). Is this something your DD could try? My DD can often contact the teacher online and can always email, so if she didn't understand what was expected her first response (well sometimes second, after trying friends) is always to contact the teacher for clarification.

If your DD is struggling to finish in the time, is this due to her being a perfectionist or do not understanding what is needed? As a rule of thumb if it's taking much longer than normal lesson time, she's probably doing too much.

I understand there is only so much time, but I don't think you can give all your spare time to DS at DD's expense. Can some of his work be incorporated into other times of day? e.g. he helps you cook and reads a recipe as he goes (or you can test him on tables). Can DD be roped in to support him at all?

I've also felt guilty about leaving my DD to it, so it's helped me to put in check points - I ask her about 9am (she starts at 8.30) if she's clear what she's doing for the day, check in at lunch time and then check in again at the end of the day. If she needs help at any point, I suggest strategies or help where I can. She's mostly ok with pointers, so this is only a few minutes each time. I've also suggested to DD that she should aim to get the week's work done by the end of the week, rather than worrying too much about getting it done each day. That takes pressure off.

Does school have a VLE where you can see what she is set? I tend to log onto DD's during dull teleconferences :) that means you can ask more pertinent questions when you check how they are doing!?

Divoc2020 · 31/05/2020 20:16

Could you get her an online 'buddy' who will work with her? Perhaps an A level or University student who might be willing to check in with her a few times a day/ mark her work etc, as well as perhaps chat/ be a bit of a friend while you are busy with her brother?

bigchris · 31/05/2020 20:10

Can you or dh take leave for a week to grt her back on track

It's not clear if you both work from home ?

Can you work in the evenings and devote more time in the day

Childcare doesn't seem appropriate here, more an idea woukd be to talk to your work and her school and explain you're struggling