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Original poster

How to support not-coping bright Y7 with no time

30 replies

Echobelly · 31/05/2020 20:05

So DD is 11, bright and in Y7... her brother is in Y4 and struggling, so what little time we have tends to be given to him and we hoped she'd get on and she seemed to be - we saw her doing work, we didn't hear much from school one way or another. But it's becoming increasingly clear she's hardly handed anything in and didn't tell us because she knew I was already overwhelmed with work and DS, and she feared DH would be angry and he has even less time than I do.

I'm in bits, I have nothing more left to give after helping DS and DH has no time - I feel awful for leaving her to it. I don't worry about her academically she is very bright and it's not a massive inflection point in that sense, and I don't worry about the school as they know that (though I am annoyed we/she had so little feedback) but I feel so bad for leaving her to it and that I don't know what else we can do.

I think she is finding it very difficult to do work without the structure of school, but we can't really provide much structure either. She wakes up very early and does her work then, and often says she has done all her work by mid-morning (but now she's saying she can't finish anything in the given time)

The only solution I can see at the moment is to hire someone as babysitter/
tutor for DS for a few hours a day (AFAIK one is allowed to have childcare in, no one in our house is particularly at risk from Corona) so we can give the time to DD, which we are in a position to afford as long as DH's contract lasts, which may not be much beyond the end of this month.

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Original poster
Echobelly · 01/06/2020 14:02

Thanks, I've been looking through it and found the submission part, which should help.

I did more or less what you said running through today's stuff with her this morning, it was only 3 pieces.

Dh has asked her to run though last term & establish what she hasn't handed in, obviously if it's loads we're not going to ask her to do it all, but if it's 2 or 3 things she might as well as do them if possible. Or possibly we will ask form teacher to ask subject teachers if anything crucial is missing so that she can do what seems like the most important bits. Again, if it's loads we'll not expect her to do it all.

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PepeSkunk · 01/06/2020 13:25

Ive got the parents sign in for show my homework so I look at it every morning while I'm still in bed so that when I see dd I can say

'so, you've got English about Romeo and Juliet and then some Geography about deforestation and there is a video to watch and some RE on Buddhism. You have to make a comic strip.'

The. I know what's what and she knows that I k ow and she knows I'm interested in her and what she is learning about. My dd submits everything directly on the app and I can see it on my app. Also, if you go in to 'updates' you can see any comments.

If I think a piece of work that has been set is a waste of time I tell her not to do it.

Somewhereinthesky · 01/06/2020 13:13

Submitting work through SMH seems really easy, and there's function they can directly communicate with the teacher who assigned the work. No need to email or anything, just type in the comments. That's on the same page as they get marked or graded.

Original poster
Echobelly · 01/06/2020 13:06

So last night I looked through a bunch of documents again from school, and emailed form teacher. Head's message was they only expect about 3 hours a day, prioritise Maths, English and Science and anything they are most interested in, but if they leave out some non-core, that is OK. No one will get into trouble for anything.

Form teacher has offered to email around all teachers saying not to chase up anything from last term so she can just have a fresh start.

We had a chat this morning and said that she can do one piece of work early in the morning, seeing as she feels productive then, but she shouldn't be zooming through everything then rather than working during normal school hours, so she did her dance/music/drama work early. She did her English this morning and there's just a science lesson on Teams this afternoon (possibly with homework) so that should be it for today and I will keep checking in. She did also find a French piece she hadn't submitted from last term and sent back to teacher (this was before I got reply from form teacher).

I think she has been emailed work to teachers rather than through SMH, which she says she isn't sure how to do, so I'm going to look at that with her today, as I suspect it will make it easier for everyone to keep track of what she's got done.

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Epigram · 01/06/2020 12:49

It sounds to me like your DD is struggling less with the work itself and more with the lack of structure and not being sure what is expected of her. I think that if you or DH could divert some time towards her just for the next few days (i.e. don't see this as a thing you have to fit in every day for the next few weeks) you might be able to help with that. Also, encourage her to talk to her friends. I have a year 7 DD and she's on FaceTime with her two friends a lot to check that they've understood what is required of them.

Hersetta427 · 01/06/2020 12:46

I have a year 4 and a year 8 and whilst my yr 8 is fine, if she wasn't I would find the time for her. My year 4 doesn't have a full timetable (he has 3 x 45 min activities set a day) so there is time when he is on a break or has finished for the day (or you and your DH have to take it in turns to get up a bit earlier to support her).

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 01/06/2020 12:37

Check she is emailing her school in and check the feedback via the teachers. Is she putting enough effort in etc. and enough detail.
BBC Bitesize lessons are go and there is plenty on there for her to work through. Zoom with a friend to do work. An A level student might be willing to tutor -ask locally. Reading though I feel is your friend here -get a list of recommended reading books for Year 7 and 8 from her English teacher or online and with a kindle -set her 10 books to read.

Thesunalwaysshines · 01/06/2020 12:33

I agree with last poster. Definitely prioritise your Year 7. I know hard with a Year 4 as they are younger and need more physical support, but being on top and supporting your elder child is more important.

domesticslattern · 01/06/2020 10:24

I have a Y7 and a younger one and a working household, I feel your pain.
What jumps out from your post is that you feel terrible about something which is totally normal and happening in bedrooms up and down the land. Secondary schools find it very hard to match the workload to pupils. My DD works diligently every day and simply cannot keep up. My response was first like yours, but now I am just letting stuff slide. I spoke directly to the form tutor on the phone and said DD was working every day to the best of her ability and that I did not expect her to receive any demerits for late or absent homework. The school also started to send out all work once a week rather than daily, which really helps planning. This was following feedback, you might ask yours if they would do the same?
TBH I also think mental health is the most important thing, so DD spends a lot of time on art, music and languages, which are her actual interests. I would be more worried if she were slumped in front of a screen all day watching Friends. If your DD has a predisposition to anxiety, I would be especially careful to put her mental stability before French homework. Ditto if she hides things from you for fear of your reaction.
These are not normal times and we all have a hell of a lot on our plates. Flowers

Herbie0987 · 01/06/2020 09:14

You and your husband need to get into gear in the mornings to give her the support she is craving. It wouldn’t take long to go through priorities with her first thing and then check in periodically through the day.

Bin85 · 01/06/2020 08:52

Even if you and your husband spend 10 minutes a day with her it will make a difference .Commit to that first and then try to find more time.
As a tutor at KS2 I am supporting pupils via Zoom it isn't as good as face to face but it's something.

Somewhereinthesky · 01/06/2020 08:44

My ds uses show my homework, and it's quite easy to see which assignment is due on which date, which assignment is pending, etc. If he has done the work, it will be in different section so it will not be in due section. It only takes few minutes to check.
I don't actually check his actual work, just check the to do list and calendar occasionally, and ask him on Friday if all the things due on Monday is done, otherwise he need to do them during weekends.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 01/06/2020 08:42

Reading widely, mostly fiction but also non-fiction for interest and pleasure, is one of the strongest indicators for success in other subjects, including maths and science, so you would not need to feel guilty that it's an 'easy' option.

ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 01/06/2020 08:40

Will she read happily? If so, I wouldn't worry too much and just set her the challenge of reading at least a book a day (a lot of e-books are free at the moment if you google them). A well and widely read year 7 student will often do better than their compliant peers who finish every school-set task and it will be an investment in her future. She's old enough to start some classic reading if she wants to, but it doesn't have to be that - there is so much good middle grade and YA fiction out there.

Malmontar · 01/06/2020 08:32

We can afford one, did got one that does maths and science with her but we can't afford anymore hence the scheme. It adds up and in normal circumstances my DD would not have 4 tutors, or any as a matter of fact.

ITonyah · 01/06/2020 08:32

If my dd was struggling I'd suddenly become a morning person or give up exercise for 2 days a week. Or I'd prioritise her over your ds one day a week so at least she feels you care about her. It shouldn't take long to help get her back on track.

Original poster
Echobelly · 01/06/2020 01:47

Thanks - not for us then as honestly we could afford a tutor and I wouldn't want to keep it from someone who needs it!

I will be asking her if she feels a tutor would help, if only so she feels she has someone to go with for questions and keep her on task.

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Malmontar · 31/05/2020 23:00

Coronavirustutoring.co.uk
It's not just for keyworkers but for kids who would not otherwise be able to afford tutors. Our Y7 DD has an English, history and music tutor through them and it's helped massively as she's been less lonely thanks to them. It took them a week of so to get back to us. They are students themselves and just do the work they have set with them.

Original poster
Echobelly · 31/05/2020 22:29

Re: DH supporting her early - unfortunately DH is not a morning person and is just about rolling out of the shower to go into his 8.45, so he wouldn't be any good at that hour, he needs a long time to boot up and I need that time for my exercise or else I'll never fit it in and it's about the only thing that's keeping me sane right now.

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Original poster
Echobelly · 31/05/2020 22:27

@Malmontar - do you have any links to tutoring scheme? I can't google any obvious links to it. It looks like anything there might be may be just for key workers (we're not)?

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Original poster
Echobelly · 31/05/2020 22:24

@Divoc2020 - no, the school doesn't have a sixth form, but could probably find someone on nextdoor or through our synagogue perhaps.

@RedskyAtnight - it's hard to tell how well she's doing. She is quite anxious so she might see not doing everything as awful, or she might be hiding from us the extent of how little she's been getting in. I would have assumed we'd have heard more from other teachers if she really hadn't submitted anything, but it took the whole of last term for her French teacher to tell us she hadn't seen any work from DD, although again, I knew she'd been doing the work as she came to me about a difficulty editing a file for it a day or two before that. But I still assume we'd have heard from some others if they weren't seeing anything, but maybe not? I suspect she started off OK but it had tailed off in the second half of term.

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Malmontar · 31/05/2020 22:21

Have you looked into getting a tutor? Coronavirus tutoring scheme is good and free.

RedskyAtnight · 31/05/2020 22:13

Well, based on your update, if DH doesn't start work until 8.45, and DD starts work early, then he can spend some time (maybe even 10 minutes is enough) going through the work she needs to cover during the day and checking she understands what she has to do. Equally, he can spend some of his lunchtime checking how she's getting on.

If DD is seeing "too much stuff" it might help her to sift through what is necessary and what is not. For example, my DD gets things like "PE challenges", "mindfulness", "random acts of kindness", "think about how you can help your parents today" etc. of course these are all well and good, but unless DD is particularly interested (or could do with a particular pastoral focus) then these are basically "extras" and she largely ignores them.

Having someone on Teams should help - if nothing else because she will get an immediate (ish) answer to questions.

You should also realise that engagement by secondary school pupils as a whole is not great, so it might be that although your DD is not doing everything she's set (and the ideal of course would be that she did) she is doing a lot more than other students in her year group, which is why it hasn't been particularly flagged up.

Divoc2020 · 31/05/2020 22:06

Echobelly - is she at a school that has a Sixth Form? If so, ask the head of year if they can recommend a sixth former as a mentor or buddy?

There might be someone looking for some sort of 'work experience' - as all the usual options have dried up because of the virus.

Original poster
Echobelly · 31/05/2020 22:04

Trouble is Y4 is in process of being assessed for ADHD, and unlike his sister is behind in his year, and with very little capability for independent work. He can stare at a blank piece of paper for 40 minutes unless reminded to get on with it every few minutes. So switching between him and work is already exhausting - if I added checking on her to him and work... it seems like too much, but I don't see I have much choice as DH has no capacity at all in the daytime and I suppose with her it's only keeping her on track rather than doing the work.

I think should start by asking her what we could do that would help her during the day.

Have also now emailed head of year to lay out the situation and ask what she might recommend, if there are any peer support groups (mum we know of an older child at school said he was trying to set one up, for example)

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