DS starting secondary this year and I’m bricking it!!!!!

there not their

@ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords I'm in England, we found out on the 2nd March and most certainly had a welcome meeting this week.

Wasn't trying to offend anyone by asking if the OP is in England (because I have no idea how allocation works in other countries, not because I don't think their are parents from outside England on here) and I know that the national allocation day this year in England was 2nd of March.
I am just surprised that schools are holding welcome meetings given that parents have to either accept or reject the offer, depending on the LA, and generally have up till 18th March to do so, when the second round of allocations are. Which is why I said schools don't know who is going there, because they don't know who will accept the offered places.

Your son's school should have a transition plan in place for him anyway OP. I expect your son will be invited to spend a day at the new school and meet his form teacher and get to know the layout. It is daunting, nobody can pretend otherwise, but it's also a fantastic opportunity for him to make new friends.

He's probably a big fish in a small pond at the moment and a new school will allow him to mix with other kids his age and do new subjects. That cliche about the end of one experience is just the beginning of another is really true.

My son started secondary last September and he was really nervous too but he's settled, made new friends and is enjoying the experience.

And definitely claim your FSM, not just for you but for the school so that they can claim the pupil premium. None of his school friends will know as the systems are all cash free.

My son got his backpack from Sports Direct. They'll get battered anyway so don't spend big money on it. Kitting him out will probably be expensive enough without designer backpacks

Don't send him with a Hugo Boss backpack. He's not in his 50s.

Mine both started with nondescript bags from decathlon and then chose bags after the first couple of weeks.

So much to think about but honestly they find it a lot easier than we do. Please don't think that he'll be picked up because of a bagpack or shoes. Let him choose. Our son in year 9 hates labels he prefers to have things that he is into like games, anime, music etc.
Ours arrived not knowing anyone but he made a friend within a week and others followed. Bunch of like minded kids not sporty at all.
As for the porn hard to advise other than a strong word followed by monitoring.

My sons school has a school backpack - they choose from 2 different style plain black ones, makes life so much easier!

Not knowing anyone: Our school takes children from around 40 primary schools, and quite a lot of 'singles'. The tutors are told who is coming up not knowing anyone else and they keep an eye on them. There are lots of things in the early days to help them get to know each other.

FSM: With a fingerprint system no one will need to know, and he'll get extra funding.

Backpack: Agree with the others, go with something boring and generic to start with. I'd try to return the one you have. Hang round the school at arrival/chucking out time and see what the smaller boys have.

He will likely be fine. And it's nearly 6 months away still...

I agree with the others about a boring backpack. I was prepared to buy my boys the 'right' backpack as I remember always wanting the 'right' bag at school. Turns out most boys really don't care . You can get really cheap ones in places like sports direct.

Nobody knows who has free school meals when it's electronic. He'll probably have a daily limit but the school will explain all of that.

I think he is more likely to stand out with that backpack to be frank. Take it back and get a black Adidas or Nike version.

It is an anxious time but your DS will be fine. I worried about both my children moving up to secondary, my son because he has an EHCP and I was worried about him managing the transition but the school have an excellent SEN department (the reason for our choice of school) and he loves it. My daughter went to the same school 3 years later, knowing only two other children in her year and she made several new friends on the first settling in morning.

I did do a bit of dog walking in the park outside school before my daughter went so I could see what were the most popular shoes and bags, and joined a FB group for her year group.

Our school, and all the other schools I know locally, realise this is a big transition for the children and do their best to help them settle in. I let my children's tutors know that they didn't know any/many people and they had a Transistion to Year 7 teacher who looked out for them, and all the year 7s settling in.

As the others say definitely claim FSM if you are entitled, it really helps the school's funding. Our school sends out letters reminding parents to claim if they are entitled. A thumb system is used so I don't think the children know who claims. Maybe check your school's payment system?

Of course schools know!

My dd went to a school a term late where she didn't know anyone (or anything having gone to primary in another country) in a school in a not brilliant area thinking sushi was a normal lunch.

She was absolutely fine, stayed for an after school club in her first day and made friends straight Away.

They are just children. Does he do anything out of school,where he could meet so,e other children who will be going or who are already there?

He will soon learn to move around the school. Nobody will know Jared they are going. Any chance of getting him a map before he goes?

What country are you in because in England the schools won't know for definite yet who is going in September, never mind holding welcome meetings
Jeezo 🙄 that’s right MN only serves England, you know Scotland don’t do this faff of applying and we start our induction days before Xmas.

*What country are you in because in England the schools won't know for definite yet"
Given that places were given out on March 2nd they will have a very good idea.

OP please don't worry. Try to see it as a positive thing and try to pass that on to your DC. For the vast majority of children I know secondary school is a positive experience.

What are his interests? Try to encourage him to try out some clubs in those areas when he gets there. Encourage him to walk into his new classes with a smile. Practise with him sitting next to someone he doesn't know and thinking of a question to ask them.
Ask him what backpack he wants.
Buy him Adidas shoes. You can't go wrong with Adidas!

At my dds' comp Nike bags are most popular this year. Was Adidas last year. Not that all have that. My two chose different ones.
I was absolutely terrified of my now year 11 dd going to high school as at primary the cool kids looked down on her and were a bit unkind. I assumed it would just get worse at secondary. Guess what, secondary has been a lot better for her. She's in a group of lovely kids with close friends. The cool.ones don't bother them.
I worried less about dd2 but slightly wondered if her very red hair may bring negative attention. Nope. Lots of friends and thriving. No meanness about hair.

No point in worrying till you know there’s something to worry about!

Definitely claim FSM if you’re entitled. Most schools these days are cashless so the other kids won’t know, money will just be credited to his account.

He won’t be the only kid in the school who won’t know anyone. He’ll have a tutor group, they’ll have ice breaking activities over the first couple of days, maybe a teambuilding bonding trip and opportunities to get to know the other kids. There’ll be a moving up day in July to meet people too.

I don’t know about the Hugo Boss rucksack, I think that’s more likely to make him stand out than fit in. Most boys at my school have some generic rucksack.

What country are you in because in England the schools won't know for definite yet who is going in September, never mind holding welcome meetings.

I'm in the uk and we found out in March, I know that the kids going to secondary school found out which school their child was allocated to on the 1st of March this year too (my friend has a year 6, soon to be 7 dc). We had welcome meetings straight after finding out

It is your own anxiety, please try not to transfer this onto your ds. I promise you he'll surprise you.

My dd was such a shy girl in primary school, again a small village school where she knew everyone. Secondary school has the 7 classes per year. Her primary only had 3 classes in the entire place! We would walk to school and secondary she had to catch the bus. I was petrified.

You know what, she absolutely thrives at secondary. She loves it.. I'm so so proud of her and you will be if your ds too .

Where are you?
My DSs both went from a tiny village school to the local secondary and there are loads of DC from other tiny village schools there. They were fine and ready for the move. You need to be positive about it so he is, though.

Our school uses finger print scanners to pay for meals, no cash changes hands so nobody knows whether you have paid cash or are FSM.

WE also have split breaks and lunches do that only year 7 & 8s are at break at anyone time.

What country are you in because in England the schools won't know for definite yet who is going in September, never mind holding welcome meetings.

My DS is in year 8, and went to a primary school of just over 40. His secondary school has well over 1500. He was lucky that he went with a friend, but honestly, it's been fine. Anyone going alone from their school had extra sessions to get to know people. I think he's coped really well, although really nervous about it, because at a small school they can't hide, they have to do everything, which helps gives them a good background. He also only has a £15 millets rucksack, and it's never been an issue!!

Re the free school meals it’s unlikely anyone will know - they will probably have a certain amount credited to their electronic account every day.

Yes, perhaps the Hugo boss rucksack could be swapped for a more normal one! Let him choose, my 11 yr old wouldn’t let me choose her stuff. But I keep an eye on what sort of things are ‘current’ so as to keep up!

I’m concentrating more on enabling them to survive. Not being anxious but excited, encouraging independence and organisation. Having some proper chats about how to handle situations, and problem solve.