tell son didn’t get chosen secondary before he goes school in morning or later? [sad]

He won't have missed out due to his sibling - he just missed going to your 3rd choice.
Waiting lists at secondary are very different to Primary and especially Infants. As secondaries have far more pupils so there is more chance of movement. You don't even have to tell him about them. And you can reject a place from the waiting list if offered it.

He won't have missed out because his sister is in a different school, that's bonkers thinking.

If the criteria is SENCO/looked after children, then siblings and then on distance then he obviously sat too far down the list on distance criteria. Call the council, ask where he is on the list and how far away you are compared to the last position given. Stay on the list - it's easy and gives him a chance.

The reason he will have got his 2nd choice is because he was higher on their criteria list than other people. That's because he has a sibling there.

Yeah, that’s fair enough. We’re not all clones, I suppose.

@Thisismytimetoshine , I don't want to say more because it's outing but this is not an easily unsettled girl or a pandering to their child type family. That's what made it so shocking.
2 years on, she's very happy in her new school.

They don’t have to inform you unasked, op? You won’t have met the criteria and they can tell you what that is (although you should have made yourself aware) and the distance of the last admitted child, if it’s primarily based on distance.
How will it help you to know why you didn’t meet the criteria?

Dear OP, please please remember what gnushoes says re friendships changing at secondary. My Ds1 is barely friends (totally civil and share lifts to parties etc, but not close anymore) with anyone from primary now. In the years up to GCSE's (Year 11) they change so much and find their niche.

Smaller groups of friends and also bigger groups. Ds1 has always had fabulous friends, in secondary (for which I am truly grateful) : boys play football and go to nando's and go to parties, with 20 or 30 other boys and girls.

So long as he always has a couple of decent friends, that's all that matters!!

The “poor” family had a choice to change schools. Personally, I think only giving it a couple of weeks is lunacy. Lots of kids have issues settling initially. They’ll likely have the same issues in the next school.

Agree with BearimyJeremy .
A neighbour's dd got into a much sought after school that we missed out on by several metres because they had a sibling there already.
3 weeks in the girl hated it so much they swapped schools to an allegedly worse performing one where DD's classmates went (dd got into a different school and was on her own).
Imagine the expense for that poor family after the joy of getting their dd into the prized school. Only to give up the place within 3 weeks. And the ongoing problem of two children at two different schools.
And my dd having to go to a new school on her own (- she's a timid sort). She loves it now.
It feels stressful at the time. And no amount of "they'll be alright" makes it better. But chances are, they will.

everyone else in his class bar one got the school my son wanted

Does the school use distance as a tie breaker? If so, unless your son lives further from the school than everyone else in his class, it suggests a mistake has been made. What reason do they give for him not being offered this school?

If it's any comfort my son was delighted to get the same school as his merry band of friends... And then in the last chunk of year 6 they all colossally fell out and my son was stuck in year 7 with the lot of them! The friends he has now aren't the same at all, two years on.

Assuming that you put the preferred school first on the list not being allocated it is nothing to do with his sister. Do make sure that he understands that. He just wasn't high enough on the list for the other school, presumably the other children live closer/ are in catchment/ attend church or whatever the admission criteria are.

Put his name on the waiting list, appeal if you think it will really disadvantage him and try to be positive about the allocated school.

OP, if the school admits on distance and everyone who lives near enough to go to the same primary got in, surely you must live quite close? So will have a reasonable chance on the waiting list?

I am sorry your Ds is upset.

PPs are right though: each application you made is judged in its merits against the published criteria. Unfortunately you were not high enough up the list to get offered a place in the first round of allocations.

With a sibling link you would always have been very high in the list for your allocated school, but you would always have been offered any school you listed above that if you met their criteria.

There is a LOT of movement after the acceptance deadline. Accept this place but please keep your Ds on the waiting list. If you think it will create uncertainty then no need to tell him you have done that.

You've misunderstood slightly. He didn't get his choice of school because there were too many other children who qualified ahead of him. If there is a sibling category, that will explain how some children who may live further away got in ahead of him.

Having a sibling only gave him a higher chance of getting into the school he has been allocated. If you had put that school lower on your list than the 3rd school and the 3rd school had a space for him, he wouldn't have been given his sibling's school.

Sorry to hear he was so upset op

I've also broken the news to dd this morning , 'so I got the email, you got x...and are on the waiting list for preferred option'... it's best to just let them know, sometimes the worst part is not knowing, especially when they're already anxious about it.

Hope things get easier from here onwards op x

May have

Not mate

I hope you can manage to get him to realise that his sister had nothing to do with it. His sister mate have been the link to "save" him from preferences further down the list but she had nothing to do with why he didn't qualify for your first choice school. Please dont let him blame.her

I don't think he didn't get the school because he has a sister at another school. If she didn't exist he still wouldn't have got it.

no not a chance, it’s oversubscribed

That doesn't mean you can't win an appeal. Every appeal is for an oversubscribed school. If the school isn't oversubscribed there would be no need for an appeal. You can win by showing that your son will be disadvantaged by not going to this school and that this outweighs any problems the school will face through having to cope with an additional pupil.

However, you almost certainly won't win on friendship issues. As others have said, even if he does go to the same school as his friends he will almost certainly have a completely different friendship circle within a few weeks of starting at the school. To stand any chance of winning an appeal on the basis of friendship issues you would need evidence from appropriate professionals showing that your son has a stronger need to stay with his friends than other children.

If you want to appeal you need to find things the appeal school offers that are missing from the allocated school and that are particularly relevant to your son.

I can't reassure you re the school but please tell him not to worry too much about friends - as everyone has said, even if your child gets the school they want with the friends they want, chances are by the end of year 7, they will have completely different friends.

Please alert his teacher and/or TA if your DS is upset. They should be used to helping children in your DS's position. The allocated school may also run extra transition sessions for pupils who are moving up without any/many of their peers. Phone them to find out.

The school I chose for my dd a few years back none of her friends applied for as it was a church school. It made no difference at all that she didn’t know anybody. Please reassure him that people make new friendships groups at high school.

We were in exactly this position last year - we put our son's name on the waiting list even though the school said he had little chance. He got a place over the summer. Same happened with my older son, nine years ago. Don't despair.