Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

First - if DH doesn’t take a lawyer - he bloody should or at least someone who’ll take notes introduced as Mr Smith - no details needed.

DH should make a list of issues - questions and expectations

This should be followed up by an email ..... as discussed in our meeting on x date at y time where we agreed X YZ

NOTE the deadline for exam entry is this Friday either via the school or at a local college if you are prepared to pay separately otherwise she’ll have to sit them there -

She’ll be incredibly tempted to follow the extent of the ostracism and thus social media but she definitely needs to be off it and block anyone other than totally loyal friends. I’m hoping she’s got one or two (ideally outside school) as that’ll help tremendously.
You’ve made a huge step getting her out of the situation and her knowing that you have her back will be a massive relief for her!

Ask her to stay off social media so she doesn't have to be involved with them outside off school.
Can she study from home most class work should be nearly finished.

Op please tell dd that so many of us on here endured terrible bullying at school - I certainly did and it made me believe I would never be socially acceptable or meet a partner. I now am so happy and she will of course find her tribe.

I won’t comment on stuff with school as you have decided on how to proceed with that but just a quick hope that she has an outside school hobby where there are some peers she is connected with

I would go get her absolutely. But I do wonder if it's been so serious for the last 3 years why you haven't done something sooner? It reads like such a horrible, lonely experience.

If she has any strength left I would be saying, do your exams, don't let them take that away from you and then plan to make life better for her.

A police report is a viable option specifically in relation to this:

"They block her from leaving lessons talk trash about her and recently along with writing on a wall saying dd is a man there was a photoshopped photo sent around to students saying dd is a transgender man."

Do you have any evidence of who sent the photo as this could be taken as either cyber bullying or a hate crime. Hate crime is a bit of a push if DD isn't transgender but the fact that they are using transphobic imagery and language is an issue.

I would let DD take the lead on next steps regarding her education, if she wants to home school or move to a local state school till the end of GCSEs but think you need to escalate as far as you can with the school. Have you considered logging a complaint with Ofsted if they are Ofsted registered? Or going direct to the board of governors.

@teenplustwenties exactly!! I wish someone had shown me your list this time last year!!

You need to think what your priorities are, e.g. :

• DD & her mental health
• DD's GCSEs
• your money
• an apology
• getting school to improve for future
• justice

I’m not saying don’t fight for justice but be careful it doesn’t become all consuming.

'What about the yelling at DD at the dining table with the housemistress present? are they denying all that?'

Is this acknowledged by them?

You’ll want justice but be prepared not to get it and focus on getting your DD’s self worth back up there. I spent too much time fighting every corner. It ate me up so much it was hard to actually focus on my DD and her health etc rather than getting justice. I so wanted them all to be punished for the harm they’d done.

OP i thought you said the school had to bar the bully from entering your DD's house or something like to that effect? that's evidence of bullying.
Have you taken a photo of the transgender stuff they wrote on the wall about her?
What about you and your husband being heckled and elbowed at parents mtg (gobsmacked at that) its a shame you kept quiet about that.
What about the yelling at DD at the dining table with the housemistress present? are they denying all that?

The police couldn’t help us. It had to be classed as a ‘special group’. Given they’re saying your DD is male and/or trans etc. That’ll be ‘special group’ harassment. So you may get somewhere. It’s worth a call. They’ll explain exactly what they can help with and what they can’t.

That's not true. Harassment and in this case, prolonged severe harassment is something you can take up with the police. You've exhausted all measures in the school and you're daughter isn't safe going back, that is something you can take up with the police as it also endangers other minors present in the school.

Yes, I absolutely think you need to get a lawyer quick and bring them into the meeting.

And please give your DD my love. She will need counselling after all this

I would find yourself a shit hot lawyer and put the fear of God into the school. You've paid £6k a term for your child to suffer horrific abuse. I would probably withdraw dd but make sure school sort out appropriate support / place to take her exams, using lawyers to fight your corner if necessary.

At the moment, it sounds like the school has little motivation to deal with the bullying for some reason. This could be financial or possibly some other reason you are unaware of. You need to up the ante considerably so that the outcome for the school of doing nothing has a very high cost to the school (eg being sued, reputational damage, reported to regulatory body etc).

Good luck to you and your dd. Hearing stories like this gives me the rage.

I'm at a loss to understand why you haven't had proper legal advice and seen the police. This is definitely in the realms of harassment which is a police matter. Being interviewed by the police might remove a few smirks frankly. Good luck. I hope you manage to find really good psychological help for your Dd.