Terrible bullying- can I remove dd from her private school- right before her GCSEs?

I feel awful for your poor dd and this bully seems like a right bitch I woulden't bother with the school at all and try a local school or homeschool instead the school sounds biased and obviously doesen't care about your dd good luck

My DD was bullied at Sherborne. I thought it was a lovely school but they didn't really handle it at all. During my first conversation with the Head of Pastoral Care when I said I was considering removing her the response was "well you'll have to pay the fees". That did it for me. I told her I thought we were discussing DD's welfare and was appalled by the mention of money from a person whose job it is to look after the pupils well-being.

Horrified to read about this- it's sickening.

You've got your DD out which is the most important. She's finished the syllabus so with clinics/private tutoring (or you tutoring her) she will be fine with her GCSEs (my son did bugger all work until March before GCSEs when I blitzed revision with him and having been predicted fails in a couple of subjects, he got good passes in all - so it can be done, even now and even if my wine intake increased a lot!). Then it's in to 6th form and a fresh start for your DD.

Don't let the school off the hook. Their pastoral care is laughable as is their safeguarding.

Your DD will get through this but I know from bitter experience with my DD how damaging this can be to self-esteem. It takes time to recover. My DD is so much more capable in life now that she's out the other side and the perpetrators are now the losers and rather pitiful. Karma is a great thing.

Lots of strength to you all - this will pass.

I’m so delighted your DD already feels some relief! You’ll all get over this. You’re both amazingly resilient and focused on your priorities.
actiongirl and endoftether I wish I’d have know exams could have been taken in a separate room. Of course, school never suggested this!

No. Not a London school. Not a million miles away though. I did think just a few of us were angry but it was way more then that. Several different issues were the problem but all had their roots in unsatisfactory pastoral care, bullying not being dealt with and not listening to parental concerns. DD had alerted me to possibly around 25 DD leaving. They all talked about who was staying and who was going! Historically the school would lose around 10% but they just alienated so many parents and even the DD of a Governor left. The following year, the DD of another governor left. Both parents. Which tells you they didn’t have confidence in the school to meet the needs of their DDs.

Schools do need to understand that parents get “vibes” about what is going on. The silent majority will walk if schools don’t meet their obligations.

Is she has another device she can photograph the shots - so not screen shots

There always way round these things

Saying that I’d just screen shot and not care if she knew.

I would’ve told her to back off in school!!

One thing I know about bullies is they are cowards!

...In DDs school, the DDs in the year group more than halved. 26 stayed out of 60. So not dealing with issues meant a big Chinese recruitment drive and a serious loss of some very bright girls and decent parents....

Wow 😮 dying to know which school. Was it in London?

When we had a meeting with the Head about the case involving DD, I dared to say the difficult child had a history of being excluded from schools and was boasting about it. The Head was furious and asked if I thought she wasn’t doing her job properly. She denied the child had been excluded before. She had. The House Mistress had told me. She, though, sat in the meeting and didn’t say a word. Everyone knew this pupil had been excluded before, boasted about it, and was the biggest problem but they covered it up. Until she ran away, of course. They didn’t listen to a word we said.
And I said a lot!

As for a solicitor: they won’t see you. They will cancel the meeting. There would need to be legal representation on both sides. They would never agree to just you or DH having one. Forget that suggestion.

The police simply won’t get involved. This is a matter for school policies - I bet the police will tell you that. There is an enquiry at the school. You will have to wait for that. There won’t be a good outcome for you. I doubt the governors will get involved. This isn’t a state school. They will be very hands off. They will pay the head to deal with this.

I think your best bet regarding exams is to do the boost classes and take the exams. The only other way is repeating a year.

DD could stop using Snapchat by the way. Another issue mentioned is 6th form. Of course you cannot stay. In DDs school, the DDs in the year group more than halved. 26 stayed out of 60. So not dealing with issues meant a big Chinese recruitment drive and a serious loss of some very bright girls and decent parents.

Hi endofmytether I am an Exams Officer and you are correct, the school makes these arrangements.

Last year we had a bully separated from the main cohort in a room on his own, he wasn't allowed any further than the small office near the school entrance.

I provided an invigilator for each of his exams. We do the same for anxious pupils too.

The school can make these arrangements very easily indeed and each school is very used to doing so.

Agree with @AtomicRabbit - I’d suggest asking “how are you going to safeguard her during study clinics,” “how will relevant materials be provided” etc. I’d ask for one point of contact to deal with. Is your DD going to be ok to sit in the main hall to take exams? If not, what arrangements are you going to be asking for. IIRC, it’s the school’s discretion to provide a separate room/invigilator (rather than needing to apply to exam board for this as a special arrangement.

Would say your language is too passive.

I want “agreement that she can go on study leave etc”

No.

The words are: “she is going on study leave” because that’s an order and over your dead body is she having anything more to do with the school.

I think you still don’t see yourself as the one with any power in this relationship.

Stop treating them as equals or people to be deferred to. Take back control.

I have no idea why you left your poor girl in this school for so long and paid for it too . If she is still there, can't work out if she is or not then fgs get her home now.

I’m wondering if that meeting materialised today? Our school kept me on tender hooks too.... letting me think they would act but never did. I’m sure your DH will go in and state exactly what you want to achieve and how the school will make it happen. I doubt they’ll do anything about the bullying but if you can make them agree that she’s protected during after school revision sessions that’s a start!! I’m assuming you can drop her outside and meet her afterwards? Your DDs best revenge is to do the best she can but it will affect her GCSEs; it’s bound to. My DD sat hers at the school amongst the 8/9 bullies (big gang of them) and it was sickening watching her go in to the lions den for all those exams... for 9 subjects there were something like 23 exams! I should have moved her out in Feb like you have.... I believed in the school stupidly!!

OP - I have just read this thread and am so sorry for your DD and you. You have received some good advice and it makes me think that in some ways the digital world can be a force for good.

Ultimately it is all about reputation for a private school and the fact is that your DD’s school simple aren’t worried enough about the consequences of their widespread failure to safeguard your DD.

Priorities in order (as PP have rightly mentioned):

1. Your DD’s mental health
2. Exams - whether this year or next
3. Retribution

Ultimately, 3) won’t happen unless the school know you are serious about escalating this to all relevant bodies and their reputation being damaged.

I really would take a lawyer to the meeting with the headmaster as this will immediately make them sit up and take note. You have passed any stage of constructive conversation by the usual means.

SeniorSchoolD we all place faith in schools. Most teachers do want to do their best by their pupils. At all times as parents we're trying to do our best. It took me over a year and many meetings with school to get to the point where I just pulled DS out one day to never go back. That was in primary and we've never had another morning of tears before school since. Your DD knows you have her back.

OP you don't need to defend yourself, you did what you thought was right for your DD as you are now.

@Oliversmumsarmy lay off will you. Your post above was quite aggressive to the OP who is already anxious

The three siblings don’t come as a package.

I don’t see why this has to be taken into consideration.

I still say if you had taken your dd out 3 years ago this school would be going under now.

This school hasn’t protected your dd and hasn’t actually done this girl any good either.

They have set this girl up to fail.

Outside the school environment people don’t put up with people who assault others.

Elbow someone in the back out on the street and a charge of assault will be coming her way.

Her parents are not going to be around to protect her.

I cannot understand why you insisted your dd stay in this environment.
Why you haven’t called the police on this sustained harassment

Seniorschooldesperation

I would be wondering who she bullied before your dd came along and who she will turn her attention to when your dd is no longer there unless it is just your dd who has made her turn into a psychotic stalker bitch

These things don’t just happen.

this bully is actively looking for opportunities and turns up wherever she can

I wouldn’t have your dd go anywhere near the school ever again.

Whilst the bully doesn’t attend the clinics it won’t stop her hanging around and shouting through the windows and doors and laying in wait for your dd.

Dd had a problem in primary with a really disturbed little girl. She would bring a knife to school and her fantasy was to watch someone die, this girl was 7)
There were 2 classes in the year group (30 pupils in each) and Dd was in a really nice class.

The other class we knew had problems and people were pulling their children out.

At the end of year 2 a girl from the other class was moved into dds class and immediately targeted Dd as her victim

By the end of year 2 I had pulled Dd out of that school as the HT at a meeting said their was nothing he could do as it was a community school for the community

By the end of year 4 the 30 pupils that were in dds class was reduced to 14.

They then took people from the other class and merged them to make the class sizes more even.

Still people were pulling children from the class.

Until at some point in year 5 the girl I heard on the grapevine actually left. Whether it was on her own accord or she was encouraged to do so I have no idea but by that time the damage had been done to the school and the secondary that this school fed into.
I think that if you had removed your dd 3 years ago this school would have got rid of this girl by now because without your dd there she would have found another victim and then another and another.

The school need to realise that without your dd there this girl hasn’t got a victim and they will be having another and maybe another lot of parents in having the same conversation before the end of the year.

How many more are they willing to lose from their 6th form because it isn’t just your dd the school is losing but also the future victims and potentially their friendship groups.

Does the HT and the other teachers think this will all go away if your dd leaves?

This is just the start of the problem and the next victims family might not be so publicity shy

I would also arrange home education, exams at current school, and let school know you will be seeking advice from police.