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Original poster

Reluctant boarder - will this pass?

32 replies

winterfruit · 10/02/2020 15:34

Hi all, I'd be grateful for your thoughts and advice.
I don't want to out myself or my DS so apologies for any vagueness. My DS (aged 12) has a 13+ boarding place at a well-regarded boys private school in South East England so would start Sept 2021.

He is currently at a very small all-boys prep school and last year did 2 nights per week boarding which he seemed to enjoy. However, this year he has got increasingly upset about boarding these two nights. I am getting really worried that he may not be suited to boarding but we haven't got a plan B. He did try for a couple of day schools last year (in Y6) but didn't get offers. He really likes the school he is due to go to in 2021 and says he thinks he will be fine to board then...he just doesn't want to do so now.

What do you think? Should we be thinking of other options?

OP posts:
GrasswillbeGreener · 10/02/2020 18:21

He'll grow up a lot in the next 18 months I would think. Our situation was somewhat different; but my youngest (when in a small day only prep) was turned down by two schools on year 6 pretests; the boarding one was concerned he wouldn't cope. In year 7 another boarding school also weren't sure and wanted to wait till year 8 to decide. In the end he sat scholarships for 3 schools and is very happy at the school that originally turned him down age 10.

I would be relaxed about pushing boarding again at his current school if he would rather not and it works for your family and routines. Summer term may be better (this year or next)?

Interestingly, it was my eldest who went from boarding prep to boarding senior school who found settling in the hardest (but was fine by the end of the first term).

77seven · 10/02/2020 16:13

Does he share a room when he boards the two night now OP? Could there be something making him unhappy in these nights, or he doesn’t get on with the other boys?

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 10/02/2020 15:58

Weekly boarding will be a settled routine but still lots of home time.
Sports Wednesday afternoon and Saturdays so you will have some time to see DS, bring food etc-some schools are flexible re nights at home and some are very strict re sticking to exeats.
Most do -even with weekly boarders-make them stay at the beginning for the very reason that the to-ing and fro-ing is unsettling.
It is still a long way away but I think I'd not force the boarding at the moment if it's optional. It's a grim, dark time of year etc. Maybe re-visit when weather is nicer and fun things are happening?

Autumnnightsaredrawingin · 10/02/2020 15:58

Is trying for some day schools for 13+ an option? Just to have the option there if he continues to have a wobble?

Tombakersscarf · 10/02/2020 15:55

Can't he put into words why he doesn't like it? If he thinks he will be fine at a different school then that suggests something is happening at this one that makes him unhappy..

Original poster
winterfruit · 10/02/2020 15:52

Thanks for replying and yes, I do see what you mean about two nights being potentially more unsettling. It isn't Eton or Harrow. It will be weekly boarding.

Hard hat donned. I'm hoping people will provide constructive advice but appreciate its an emotive subject. My bottom line is that I want my DS to be happy. We thought we had made a school choice that suited him but I am worried it may not now...

OP posts:
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 10/02/2020 15:39

I think sometimes only boarding two nights can be a bit back and forth-
as soon as he settles in at home routine he is back at school and I can see potentially very unsettling-next year would probably be easier.

He will be older and it will be more of a set routine-is it somewhere like Eton or Harrow which is full or is it a more relaxed weekly board?

Also-Please don your hard hat for replies as MN can be tough on this topic...

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