GCSEs and half term

@lilgreen I am with you. It couldn’t have been said better.

Why have most people assumed the teenager is a DS when the OP states DC all the way through?

I have planned to take May half term as annual leave as I don’t feel my son will do any work if I don’t. During his mocks he went into panic mode and crammed every night but he’s not prepared to put the work in at other times. If you can be confident that your DC’s dad will be able to motivate your child then I don’t see why you shouldn’t go if it benefits your career

...so let his father do his job. OP I've said it before, you have your career to consider. Your DS has 2 parents. You are both equally capable of parenting. You have said yourselfbthat this is a one-off opportunity, so grab it with both hands. You may not get another chance.

Performance in exams after half term drops compared to those before exams so, although it's a great opportunity for you, I think it's not good for your child. My two DCs were knackered during exams and there was little opportunity for revision on the same day as big exams. Half term gives them a breather and is a really important time to allow them to prepare for the final push of the last two weeks so they go in feeling prepared and refreshed after a break.

I absolutely do realise that.You need to realise that’s it is not the mother’s job to wrap the child in cotton wool when the father is available!!

lilgreen I think you need to realise that not all 15 and 16 year olds are the same, and some need more support than yours others.

Never helped my DCs revise. I encourage them and supported them but I didn’t need to be home at all times. OP is going to be away 4 days, not months.

Still not the mother’s sole responsibility.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that Gin. I have had minimal involvement in my DD's school life since she left juniors & we had to stop filling in those stupid reading diaries. Her dad & I would take it in turns going to parent evenings or go together depending on work commitments and now she is at a 6th form which doesn't hold them anymore. I just think it is extremely sad that people infantalise their DC's fathers, whether they live together or apart, as I have never been part of a family like that, either now or when I was growing up.

Are you saying you don’t trust his dad either? Surely if he has offered to have DC so you can attend the conference he’s reliable?

Presume you mean May half term - not Feb? If it is May I would not go, if it was Feb I def would.

Why is it the mother’s responsibility?

Because, in my experience, and many other mothers' experience, dads are either too busy too hands off.
Maybe mothers care more
Maybe they have a better understanding of the implications of not revising
Maybe they are simply better at supporting their DC through public exams.

In a perfect world dads would be as supportive as mums through the exam period. In reality they aren't.

I encouraged and supported DD through GCSEs and A levels. She asked me to test her for revision as I had more time than DH. What is wrong with that?

If the child stays with the other parent they can revise. Why is it the mother’s responsibility?

Dearover Perhaps because if the OP had full confidence in the Dad (her ex I think), she wouldn't be worrying about it and posting here?

The division of labour in our house is that I do most of the education stuff. DH is capable and willing, but because he does less, he is less 'skilled' than I am on knowing how to get the most out of DD and also what information matters most etc.

Why does everyone on MN assume the father doesn't give a toss about their child's future and the mother should compromise their career to swoop in like a knight in shining armour just in case they are needed to drag their child out of bed and make them hot chocolate as a motivator? Thank goodness I don't live in that world.

But those 4 days are crucial. DD would have panicked at losing 4 days of revision at such an important time.

Rest and relaxation are as important as revision.

As is learning self-motivation.

It is only 4 days.

Revision in that half term will be important, because there will be loads of exams in the following three weeks. It's absolutely not possible to finish preparation before half term with the way the exam timetable works now. And if you haven't yet looked up the timetable, I would do so to understand the scale of it.

Having said that, it's only four days. I'd be inclined to try and have a sensible conversation with DS about how to plan the half term. Maybe revision will mostly happen on the days you are home and he'll get a bit of a break while he's at his Dad's. If you feel you can do a deal with him, you can then go to the conference with a clear conscience and check in with him by phone while you're away.

Does it fall over the bank holiday weekend or the weekdays? And if weekdays will he be able to get to revision classes at school from his dad's?

My dd had 3 days off over the first weekend of May half term because she really needed it. A few days of down time won't hurt but only you know how likely he is to work without you there and how likely his dad is to get involved. My ex means well but wouldn't have had a clue what to do to help.

You can still do a lot to support him remotely though if he's willing to let you.

In a perfect world the dad would step up Dearover, but it isn't a perfect world. DH is too hands off when it comes to encouraging DD to work/revise, and there is no way I would have left a not very self motivated 15 year old mid GCSEs for 4 days.

It depends very much on the child. Is they are self motivated it would be easy.

Revision done between now and then is what matters. He’ll have his dad, not left alone! Go and be in touch daily.

I think for many teens it is not so much 'cracking the whip' as giving them encouragement to keep going.
having done a load of exams it can be tempting to take a number of days off and then struggle to pick up again for the last stretch.

I think it matters whether Dad will be on board with properly supporting (I inferred that the parents are split but it's not totally clear) and also whether it will mean 4 days away or 4 days plus travel plus travel for the DS as well, which impacts how many days are potentially 'lost'.

Cracking the whip? Really?

The OP is not going for the whole of June, just 4 days. She can re-crack the whip as soon as she gets back. In the meantime maybe the dad can do it or, hear hear, the child can also self-regulate. After all it is his responsibility.

Surely by then one would have established a routine and would know what to do. Otherwise as others have said... it is bleak anyway.

I don’t remember anybody cracking the whip at me when I was 16.

I took DD and her older sister away with me when I had to travel for work last year. She did her GCSEs last summer so it was in the middle of her exams. We were away 3 days. She took revision with her and chilled by the pool while I went to work.

To be honest by then he should have pretty much done with revising

Are you fucking kidding me?

Ds1 sat the following exams after May half term last year

History - papers, 1, 2 and 3
Maths - papers 5 and 6 (higher tier)
English Languarge - papers 1 and 2
German - papers for written, listening and writing
Science - biology, chemistry and physics all paper 2
Statistics - papers 1 and 2

So 15 exam papers and you think he should have been finished revising? Did you have a child sit exams last summer?

When you see it laid out I am not sure I could go unless I knew someone back home was cracking the whip. Get him to make a timetable to revise, see if he can be proactive about it now.