11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

Poor kid.

Oh don't start looking at 12 and 13+ entries. That's putting him through all this stress and potential rejection all over again in another 1 and 2 years. This is all alien to me living in Scotland and makes me sad for a boy who already has a lot going on. At 13 my dc will never have sat a single exam let alone many high pressure ones ending in disappointment. In your situation I'd move to a nice area of Herts near your sister and put DS in a state school. Surely there will be less extra curricular pressure at these schools too? I'd imagine that on top of caring duties would be a lot.

"Ds has been in prep so I’m not sure how he’d adjust in state"

He would be absolutely fine. Schools are schools. Good state schools are better than most private schools.

"and I’ve missed state deadlines"

All local authorities will take late applications. You can be put on the waiting list after allocations at any school. You place on the list relates to your eligibility not when you applied. Get on with it.

Received knowledge but I think a LOT of parents in the indie sector also apply for state schools. I think your kids' prep has been really irresponsible.

Good luck op, and total sympathy on how stressful it must be.

You mention your DS has a social worker & is your carer.

Have you disclosed this to any of the senior schools?
Has your HT disclosed this - he/she would have written a reference.

The HT should be going back to each school and asking why not and if they can reconsider ie if DS fits into any inclusion criteria re social worker/young carer.
The head can also ask for copies of the test papers & ask where in the cohort DS ranks. Just in case DS was having more of a problem than you realise.

Other options are 13+
Christ’s Hospital. They have a true needs based bursary system. It’s boarding however.
How reliant are you on DS? Perhaps boarding would be better for DS?

”Wtf is this how everybody lives in the south of England? This is dreadful, I had no idea children were exposed to this scale of rejection and stress at so young an age.”

Not at all. The vast majority of children attend their local state secondary school, usually involving no exams or pressure. There are still a few areas with grammar schools, such as Kent, so obviously exams there.

If people want their children to go to very selective private schools, this can happen. And occasionally people are insane enough to not even bother with a back-up state school application, piling the pressure on even more.

But no, that’s not how “everybody” lives.

Stop take a breath , like others have said your DS doesn’t need to know the ‘results’

Like others have advised look for a good state school. My DD moved from prep to state at 11 as it was a good school and she has done more than fine. The private school are selective near me some are very selective and competitive- I didn’t want my daughter to be at the bottom of the class as I thought that would be a negative on her long term mental health. And when I looked at the state school pastoral care and results it felt it would be a good place for her. We did let her sit exams at 2 schools only (that aren’t highly selective) but that was just so she had a choice if she didn’t get the state place.

The state school was the right place for her she is now at a good sixth form college and is confident in herself - I don’t think she would be the same near the bottom of the class at a super selective school.

Have a good look around I’m sure you will find the right place for him.

I’m afraid the influence Prep schools have with the Registrars at Private Secondaries is mostly exaggerated. All the London Private schools want the most Academic pupils possible so they can get great GCSE and A level results. They won’t take a pupil just because a Prep school asks them to.

Bucks do a 12+ but it is VERY hard to get in unless you are living a stones throw from the school. But (for example in Marlow) there is an excellent state school as well as the grammar school. So maybe that is worth considering. However, bear in mind that housing there (because of the good schools) is significantly higher than other places.

Apply to state schools now.

Poor boy. Eight exams! The prep school has given you very bad advice. I don't really understand why you went private in the first place.

You asked for advice. Think of your son now and not your desire for an independent place. He's been through so much and I am concerned about this child's mental health and wellbeing.

Please contact the LA on Monday to enquire about secondary school applications.

I still don't understand why all the admin and effort went into organising lots of private exams, but no state secondary school form (CAF) was completed? I understand that you may not have any intention of sending him to a state school, but it's insurance should other plans not work out.

Lots of blame being attached to the Headteacher at the current prep here but at the end of the day if parents are determined to enter their child for so any exams what are the school supposed to do? We have no idea what kind of advice the OP may have been given by them and as she is moving and has no idea where she may end up it is rather difficult for them to advise appropriately with the scatter-gun approach which has been used.

I also have no idea why you think your DS could not manage in a state school, on another thread you said that he came FROM a state school and has only been in prep for the past couple of years?

Move. Put him in to the nearest school he can get in to. People move all the time and you will find him a place somewhere.
Tell him the only reason he didn't get in was because there was no full funding available. That's the truth.
Move, try and find him some decent friends and tell him he is fantastic.

@Pegase wow thx

Sorry OP I think you've been incredibly naive - the bursary situation is undoubtedly putting schools off as there are only a couple of spots and often it's only for a portion of the few not the whole fee which is what you are presumably looking for to be paid. Secondary education is a LOT more expensive than prep!

Did No one explain to you that you would likely be looking to have to fund this largely yourself and that no way would a full bursery be available?

They are trying to give equal opportunities to all but they spread the pot of money over several children rather than just 1 or 2 and to me that is absolutely fair

This is likely to cause more harm than good - not only the pressure you have put him under but also you will have to be allocated a state school spot by the local authority if you don't get anywhere in the private sector and this won't be a school of your choosing (and likely standard)

@ZebrABC yes they do if they have a good relationship with the Senior School.

Why are you putting your son through this?

It doesn't sound like its for his benefit now. You've crossed the line over into narrow vision.
You need to take a step back and remember he's just a child. Free education is a privilege- state or not.

There are very good state schools in Herts. I suggest you start looking to move there and get your son on a waiting list for one of them.
I agree with pp that a score of over 90% would be essential for a bursary or a selective state school.
Your son has had a great start and will probably have the skills to settle into secondary school.

This child has done more exams then what most people sit GCSEs, it's apparent your DS will not fit into such schools, or he's actually flunking they hoping to get the message across, find a state school, for his sake.

I this was me... I’d consider moving him to a prep that goes to 13+ and think very carefully about next move (private or state).

That gives you some time to consider what best to do rather than try to make a decision right now in panic mode.

Maybe the current school can advise - I’m surprised that they haven’t been particularly honest or helpful (by the looks of it).

@GracefulHippo do prep school heads talk to registrars to help pupils chances?

At least visit the other state schools and go from there?

Fucks' sake.
Talk about living in a bubble. What's wrong with local state secondaries? I realise you haven't applied. Get an application in pronto.

Wtf is this how everybody lives in the south of England? This is dreadful, I had no idea children were exposed to this scale of rejection and stress at so young an age.

Not everyone lives like this down South. Hampshire doesn't have grammar schools and seems to manage perfectly well without. Not many scrums to get into the "right" school either.

I think this amount of schools is normal in some areas. Most parents in our school apply to the higher end of 5-10 schools. We are doing 3 and other parents think we are mad. The head keeps telling us that our first choice is the right school for DD (not the most academic, but a good school), that he has a very good relationship with the registrar and that there should be no problem. Our school provides a recommendation letter and records of test performance over the past years as an additional marker for the secondary schools. OPs headmaster seems to be doing an awful job. Literally his job is to get every child into the right school for them. This will differ for each child depending on academic ability, personally and interests - and indeed bursary requirements.

I don’t know anything about boys secondary, but if we were in OPs situation, I would be waiting outside the headmaster’s office on Monday, very polite and ask him what his plan was.

OP if your son is your carer (?), does the school know? My impression is that each child has a “story”, why a secondary school should take that particular child. Telling them that your DS has worked very hard, against all odds, carer for his disabled (?) mum who is on benefits could give secondary schools an appreciation for the fact that he is very likely to be responsible, Resilient, hard working and kind, which all are amazing qualities. You may also want to discuss this with the headmaster.

Many state school options across London area doing better at GcSEs than closest private. Great kids and perhaps no different culture. Also do not fear the transition we are all the same. Having experienced both worlds may be his blessing.