11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

For god sake whatever you do don't tell him he was rejected. That will stay with him for life. My dd got offers from the 3 schools she sat for but I decided before results were out to tell her she got in even if she didn't. Tell him that they aren't offering a free place this year and you can't afford it. Even if you have already told him he is rejected you now need to make something up and say that you have spoken to them and he has only been rejected because of the need for a bursary.

My dd was stressed out just sitting for 3 schools. It's unbelievable you made him sit 8. Poor boy. You have been badly advised by the prep as well as they surely told you that was a huge load on his shoulders.

I'm totally confused as to why you didn't make a state application but as offers aren't out yet it's not too late. Get on it straight away and speak to the admissions officer. You will get offered something in the second round. You need to accept you can't afford private school instead of assuming it will be offered to you. A full bursary is rare and very competitive. He may be able to apply again at 13 plus but private education is not the holy grail (and I say that as someone choosing to privately educated).

Sometimes there is a box to tick on applications which asks whether you also want to be considered for a fee playing place if you dont qualify for a scholarship of bursary. OP may have ticked that?

(My own children are in private school as we weren’t happy with local state provision so my views are not reflective of a bias against the concept.)

”Yes but the comment made was general not specific to the OP wasn’t it?“

“Wasn’t it?” How am I supposed to know?! You were responding to a comment made to the OP.

Fair enough some people are tied to an area where schools aren’t good and have funds for private education. Neither of those are the OP, whose thread this is, so while I feel for her, my advice would be to just stop this ridiculous and unrealistic situation and focus on finding her son, who has been through enough, a state school place.

Also consider doing exactly what Afriggingoat advised. Herts has excellent schools.

I remember chatting to a woman at a school who was the bursary officer. She told me that they’d never given one but did get applications (so god knows what her job was then).

Yes but @glittercats, most of those people putting their children through countless tests have a better chance than the OP does because they're going to pay. And the bar is lower if you're paying.

@Afrigginggoat has the best advice. Move close to your sister and find a school near there. You should be able to find out which were oversubscribed last year. And ring the LEA, explain your predicament and throw yourself on their mercy.

Offer and bursary are separate. You may get an offer but not the bursary you requested. If the offer was dependent on bursary availability that'd be discrimination.

Yes but the comment made was general not specific to the OP wasn’t it?

The OP is down - so don’t kick her! Her plans have gone to pot and she is considering Plan B which is scary enough.

”fessmess - we don’t all live in areas where there are decent or even good state schools.”

OP has been clear she is able to (and planning to) move house within a very wide area.

I have had two children go through this process in London. The number of exams is a lot but not necessarily unusual if they are scattered over several months, which they can be. However, it sounds like your son's exams were all around the same sort of time (within a 6 week period.)

It's hard to say whether the bursary affected it but certainly the journey times may have. That is a huge geographic spead of schools. Schools seem to be taking a greater look at that because of his hard a long commute is.

The prep environment can be insane and it is true that there is not a lot heads can do when parents insist that they want to apply for certain schools. There are some that just wont take advice. You don't have to answer this OP but what did your prep advise about where was suitable? Did they say this was too many exams in one period? Did they remind parents to apply for a state school? All of these things should be standard.

We needed scholarships too and tbh with DD1 because the money was so important we applied for more "bankers" than we might otherwise have done. That list of schools is a challenge for even the highest performing child, setting aside the financial considerations.

@FagAsh I also thought this was a list of grammar schools - as I said the whole thing is alien to me.. are they smaller selective private schools? I understand it might be the norm in some areas and im in no way shouting at OP, but from what I've understood from this thread most of the dc sitting 5 exams as a pp has said can be normal would be - at or above the required academic level and able to pay the fees. Neither seems to apply to OP's DS, and that there needs to be some exceptional talent or academic ability for a bursary place. Seems the school has given incorrect advice as well as OP possibly not doing her homework.

Oh dear op this is a mess.
I think you need to look at state schools near your sister, work out the best option close to her. Move house. Then put in a late application for a place. I'm not sure if you can appeal for a place if a late application but if you can your grounds would then be that ds is your carer, you need support from your sister and so this school is the only one that can work. I would try and move to their doorstep too because then you may get a place on proximity.
You need to let independent schools go, you can't afford it and should have been advised that.

OP, I switched around a lot between state and private, between the ages of five and fourteen. I am happy to report it is totally survivable!

My favourite school was a state school in south London. One of the best teachers I've ever had too.

The reality of private education is that it is for the wealthy, and I'm sorry OP but you clearly can't afford it.
Stop putting your child under unreasonable pressure and apply to state schools now, while making it absolutely clear to him that this is not a 'second-best' option.

fessmess - we don’t all live in areas where there are decent or even good state schools.

Tell him the only reason he didn't get in was because there was no full funding available. That's the truth.

Please tell him this ^^

What's wrong with state school? "Panic" FFS

The school should be advising the parents on which schools to try for and help them with the process.

Did the OP let the school know of their home circumstances and were the schools informed? The boy is working with extra stresses and complications in his life.

OP - start looking at local statue schools. Check out the local council schools website and the school websites and reports (google them too for any local news about them and the SMT).

Do you know anyone with kids at local schools? This is an option - keep them all open and try to think what’s they best way ahead. Speak to the school on Monday - ask them what they suggest and how the can help. Think about what your best case scenario is and what the next best option is.

Keep your head up - it’s not the end of the world. Try to think of it as the schools not being the right place form your son. You want the best for him so need a calm head right now.

Op in your shoes I'd be focusing on his mental health & self esteem. Most adults would be struggling with 8 and counting rejections, poor boy!
Start look for decent state schools asap and make sure you're super positive about this choice with your son.
Both my teens have thrived at state secondaries, dd is at uni and ds is on his way.

@ZebrABC

I don’t this a prep head can get a child into a school they shouldn’t be in. What they should do is advice the parents based on the knowledge of the child as to which child is suitable for which school. If the child has other, non academic strengths that may play into it.

If the child then has a bad exam day, the head can show academic records indicating how the child did compared to peers over the years to support that it was a bad day. Some schools are also looking for a “certain type of child” and the reference will be in addition to the interview.

The head will not try to get a non-academic child into an academic school. If that child then underperforms, the relationship is damaged and no chance of helping for example an academic child who sat the exam whilst sick or just had a super rubbish day.

@flowery
Ha, no, I thought it was a list of grammar schools they were applying to initially hence my horror 😁

I’m in a grammar school area but it seems comparatively low stress. My children are at a prep and their peers who are sitting 11+ don’t seem to be under massive stress.

Just so much pressure.

It's alien to me too, I have no understanding of this system.
What's the adjustment anyway? He is sitting in a class with a teacher do you mean adjusting to the people around him not being rich? I doubt he will care about that. I hope you find somewhere for him and good luck to you both.

Please could people stop shouting at the OP when she’s already down.

Most DC going for independents in London will be sitting 5 exams minimum. She has only done what everyone else in the prep will be doing.

The difference is OP, that if you’re applying for a bursary place somewhere like LU, they really need to be stellar.

What the hell are the prep doing??? Why have they let you do this? They should have told you what the odds of a bursary are in these schools ffs. This is utterly ridiculous.

Yes Epsom and Reeds would indeed be safer bets for a paid place, but god knows what their bursary programme looks like.

The whole point and purpose of a prep is that they match your child to the right senior school and, funnily enough, this means taking into account your location and financial circumstances going forward. Did you not have a meeting with the head before you made all the applications?

The odds of a paying place at some her like LU are 13-1. God knows what it is for a bursary. The prep should have spelt this out to you and advised a plan B - ie state school application.

The prep will have to sort it out for you now. Just go and sit there first thing Monday morning and insist they get on the phones.

The problem is unfortunately, they can usually find DC a paying place somewhere, but it’s another matter persuading a school to offer a full bursary.

What prep is this? Do they know you haven’t made a state application?

He is changing schools anyway, so he would adjust just like every other child adjusts to going to a new school.