11+ panic - HELP! Ds wasn’t called for any interviews :(

I agree with flowery. The problem is that demand has exploded over the last 5 years and some people have very outdated views on "banker" schools. It's not about being smug, given he was at a prep she has been badly advised. I hope reeds works out.

The trouble is a lot of the posters saying give her a break are also encouraging her to keep pursuing the private school route, which it seems clear is completely unrealistic. We all make mistakes but the OP should be encouraged to move on from that and focus on resolving this in a realistic way for her son’s sake, and her own. People telling her to expend valuable time and energy pursuing even more private schools than have already been approached, or marching in to the HT at her son’s school demanding he do something, are being the opposite of helpful and supportive, IMO.

Private school just simply isn’t available for everyone.

Agree! Jeez there's a lot of smug people on this thread! Give the OP a break.

What AtomicRabbit just said 👍👍. Give OP a break, not everyone is as clever as you lot.

Can't stand the smug posters who come on here telling OP how what she's done is all wrong and she should have done it how Ms Smug has already done it.

The poor lady is on her own and disabled and her son looks after her on a daily basis. She's on benefits and I would imagine life is a struggle at the best of times and at other times really really awful. We can only imagine how hard things have been for her to reach this point, trying her hardest for her son only to have random posters pop up telling her how badly she's done this whole and should have applied to state school. I think she's already been told that only 67 times so far....

FFS, give her a break.

Sadly you have set your expectations to high for your DS and placed far too much pressure on him. People assume sending a DC to a prep school will somehow ensure there DC slips into a highly selective school. My DS is at a prep primary and I am not sure he will reach the standard expected for the junior school but I will be told when he is in yr 1. I have always ensured the secondary choices are doable for my DC. If your DS hasn't been called back for any interviews then I would suggest you send him to state. He may do better and have less pressure to perform to keep his bursary. Time for a little reflection on your part in his current situation

Yes as Prufrock writes all is not lost. Fingers crossed for Reeds and Cobham and the area is a lovely part of the world. Do let us know how you get on. Many of us rooting for you and wishing you all the best.

OP - wait until you get the results back from Reeds in Cobham. With his scores he should definitely be offered a place there and they have a very generous bursary fund - the fees are so high there to support the 20% or so of "foundationers". Originally used to be for military widows but your circumstances should apply. Its also a great school. Good luck!

you need to help your son at this stage.
80% was unlikely to secure a bursary, did it not occur to you that getting a bursary to attend a highly selective school would be even more competitive, prob needing 95%+, otherwise everyone would apply for it. there are very few available, that's how they ration it.
you obviously have a lot to cope with, being single and disabled.

how did you manage to pay the prep school fees, as you mention benefits.
anyway, now you need to step up and care for your son. take the pressure off him.
ring around schools and boroughs in the area you are aiming for and see what can be done. tell your son not to worry.
I think you've got yourself into a corner, but you can get out. turn around and contact state schools in north London/ herts. good luck.

It’s easy for us to sit at home and criticise the OP and type anecdotal stories about our own success or our own DC’s success in the state sector. And of course those saying this will say there is little or no difference between what the state sector offers and the independent sector and in some cases this may correct especially if your using results as your only benchmark. Others of course would disagree, there are numerous comments on many threads on the education boards on here who would tell a different story and the fact that the OPs DSs sat 8 different entrance exams and still hasn’t as yet been successful rather reinforces the idea that she is not the only one who believes that in many cases independent education is offering something (maybe not results) that’s better than the state sector.
Many may throw up their hands in horror at what the OP has done and sing the praises of the state sector and I agree the OP was unwise not to have applied for a state place. But we don’t fully know the OP or her DS’s situation IME of the very disabled mum and her DC being her carer I talked about above and sadly others since the state sector often is exceedingly unsupportive of young carers and their disabled parents making little or no allowances for the many difficulties they face and this may be why the OP hopes and feels that the independent sector might be a better bet.

Wtf is this how everybody lives in the south of England? This is dreadful, I had no idea children were exposed to this scale of rejection and stress at so young an age.

The vast majority are not. I'm in London. I went to a very, very good independent girls' school (after state primary) on a bursary from age 11-15, due to being very academically bright. It was a piece of piss for me academically, but otherwise appalling.

My eldest child is approaching secondary school applications age now, and I would not dream of putting them in to this shitty, horrible, process. ESPECIALLY when they are nowhere near bright enough to be doing it.

Hi OP, may I ask why you believe that a selective private school is the only suitable route for your DS? The only advantage that I can see is the small class size. The solid foundation he has gained for from 2-3 years in a prep school will put him in a strong position in any state school. He will not face the same pressure on friendships if he goes to school locally. He will also have the opportunity to shine in class, rather than constantly having to fight to keep up. I speak as a parent who could have sent my DD to a selective private school, but sent her to a state school where she thrived. She has just received an offer from Oxford, So it obviously hasn't held her back.

How did you get on today @mummy2aPrince09 - did you talk to the current head and any of the schools mentioned in the previous posts?

Hi OP I feel you've been treated harshly in here. I know you're only trying to do the best for your DS. I hope you're still reading this thread.
Over 10 years ago I helped a client DC get a bursary to attend a boarding school. Like you she was a single disabled mum and living on income support/PIP etc and her DC was her main carer. The organisation I used appears to no longer exist and I can't for the life of me remember what it was called but it may have morphed into this one I know they changed there name a few years after I they helped the family I knew.
There were quite a few restrictions; when I applied for the child I mentioned, the school in question had to agree to reduce their fees by about 30ish and then the charity paid 50% and the school was expected to give a bursary for the other 50%, secondly you couldn't apply to any boarding school you fancied only ones that had agreed to participate in the scheme. You also fairly obviously had to demonstrate a "clear need" being the carer of a disabled parent who couldn't work was definitely considered a clear need. No academic criteria was involved.
Sadly the mother would not let the child take up the place, she said she needed her DC at home and of course the child was very anxious about leaving her mother as she'd was her main carer. Secondly boarding is not everyone's choice and until I got involved it had never been on their radar they only had a very short time make a decision as to whether or they'd accept the bursary and it was insufficient time for them to work out if this was a going for them so declining just felt like the easiest option.
At the time there were preps that go to 13+ registered with the scheme and this might be an option for you thus giving you more time to work out where you want to live etc. Christs Hospital has been mentioned above this definitely has a generous bursary scheme and is or at least was aimed at parents who can demonstrate a clear need. But I suspect you've missed the boat for entry into Sept 2020 (I admit I haven't read their website) but they do or did take pupils into yr 9 so if you can find a suitable prep this may be a future option for you.
Other mention boarding at the big name wealthy boarding schools e.g Eton Winchester etc with 13+ entry, they have generous bursary scheme and are genuinely trying to broaden access both have approx 20% of their intake on bursaries but these are super selective, think Westminster/SPS entry level requirements, therefore being in middle to bottom set for math and English I suspect isn't going to cut it, and they also pre testing at yr 6 so I suspect you may have missed that boat as well. Harrow used to pre test on yr 7 (again I haven't read their website recently) so that may be an option although again the academic requirement is pretty high now. You could look at others. I used to work at very well known significantly less selective boarding school and without the resources of Eton and Winchester so they only offered a few bursaries a year but families like yours were the sort they were looking for. If your current school has no knowledge or experience of 13+ entry schools you need to hit the phone of any you like the look off and talk honestly to the bursar explaining carefully your situation they probably will not give you a yes or no over the phone but hopefully they would give you an indication as to whether or not they'll even entertain the idea thus whether its worth applying. If anywhere looks promising you may to go with a state school for a couple of years but at least you may be able to come up with an alternative for yr 9 if the state school isn't what you hoped.
Finally and on a more positive note IME of the child I mentioned above most independent schools would be very sympathetic to your situation and if your DS met their entry requirements and they have sufficient funds in their bursary pot would be up for offering you a pretty substantial bursary.
Good luck.

If I were able to move anywhere in/near North London I would move as close as possible to Wren Academy. Unbelievably good results (better than most independent schools), it's free, very new facilities and it's co-ed. I'm really upset we are just out of catchment

Have you looked at the state boarding schools? I think you would have a good chance of a place at somewhere like Royal Alexandra and Albert (accessible by train via Clapham Junction).

OP you've been through the ringer. And so has your ds. 8 schools is a big ask for any child.

Your ds has not failed - you have to make that clear and stop involving him in your disappointment. As many have said, your next step must be a face to face meeting with his headteacher to urgently work out next steps. That is what they are there for.

Once you've had that meeting the Headteacher should take responsibility for chasing the independent options and you need to take responsibility for chasing the state option. A late application needs to go in urgently.

I don't think there's anything to be gained by getting cross with the situation - you just have to focus on finding a workable solution for your ds for next year.

Best of luck.

I agree that moving from prep to state is not an issue. My dc have moved from state to prep and vice versa..certainly hasn’t been difficult for them.
As for bursary talk..and prep vs senior, from what I can gather, offers for prep are often made before bursary applications are lodged, whereas you need to stipulate this requirement when applying for senior, so of course, the bar is far higher. This was exactly the scenario with my daughter’s class mate. She managed to get two children into two different prep schools..full bursary for both. And thought that secondary would be a breeze too. Unfortunately it’s not. I know there were a couple of girls who had bursaries in my eldest dc’s senior year at the time, but their financial situation had changed while they were already at the school, which seemed to be quite common back then!

@AtomicRabbit - income support is for a lone parent is £73 a week. How do you think the OP is going to afford 'some tutoring'?

Also OP I just googled “secondary private schools bursary Hertfordshire” and there seemed to be quite a few options. Haileysbury? They have 11+, 13+ With bursary.

I’d do a google search for all Hertfordshire private secondaries with bursaries and phone admissions department to see if your DS can still sit exam. Seems crazy to come all the way over to reefs etc. You must do some research and quickly! Or go for state locally to you and 13+. With tutoring. Academic standard very very high these days. Birth bulge across the U.K. in our years so that’s why it’s so competitive. Same number of spaces but more children applying. Good luck

Ds has been in prep so I’m not sure how he’d adjust in state

He would adjust fine, lots of kids go from prep/indy to state (and vice versa), me included. Kids are kids, it's not as big a difference as parents imagine!

Some of the posts are unduly negative towards the OP. She's done her best in the circumstances. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it?

Maybe she's been advised badly but that is not her fault. Yes it may be very different to other parts of the UK but so what? Children are very adaptable and all is not lost yet anyway - she still has yet to hear from two other schools. Things may come through for you OP.

Also, if your DS joined in Year 5 and is averaging 70% then he's actually doing very well. Most children joining from a state school to an academic private school would not be able to achieve those results (unless they'd been tutored or naturally gifted).

State schools don't cover all of the material needed for 11+ until the end of year 6, so your DS has had to catch up in one year compared to all the rest of the private kids and state school tutored kids who will have started earlier. So i think he's actually a bright boy but started in this race too late to do really well.

Remind him that a school whilst important is not the be all and end all. In the end he's got a good brain and is a capable young chap. He's also got a Mum who adores him clearly from your username and I have no doubt he has a bright future ahead of him.

Don't give up, you'll get there.

It's true there are boarding schools at 13+ (average academic) that offer bursaries to state school children. Perhaps that might be an option. Remember though that you'll need to get him tutored to stay right at the top for that first year though (aged 11 to 12, Year 7) as he takes the exams one year before starting. So maybe state school, tutoring and applications for bursary to weekly boarding school. I would imagine you'd miss him a lot but it would continue his education in a private setting.

There was a child in my daughter’s year, who was subjected to something similar, in her mother’s quest to bag a bursary..and her belief that her daughter was scholarship material. Sadly it wasn’t to be, and her daughter suffered terribly because of it, and not having considered any other alternatives, ended up with no school at all. Please do as others have suggested, and look at late application for a state option.

I don't want to come across as being mean here, but if you've made him sit that many entrance exams and he hasn't passed any of them, he perhaps isn't as academically gifted as you'd like to believe and he will probably hate any school with such academic competition because he will always feel like he can't keep up and isn't good enough. I went to a private school and I did very well there but I was by no means at the top of the year. Neither was I near the bottom, but the pressure of not being at the top was immense. You should choose a school for your child that is right for your child - one that's less academic by the sounds of it.
I'd love my son to go to a private school but I already know he absolutely isn't the right character for a school like that.

I have the same impression that bursaries are more common at senior schools.

I just realised you posted on other thread that your DS just joined prep in Year 5 from state primary and sits in middle/bottom sets in Maths/English. Also he marks 70% at that time probably on the last November. Even if his mock exam score improved to 80% after that, I think it is not solid.

So, I think that's the reason why he received no from those top London schools.

I totally understand you are trying to do best for your DS but every child needs back up plan such as state secondary school or non selective private school. If non selective private is not your option, you should call your LA to do late application.

Yes, it is HT's job to find a place at a private senior school but it is out of his control to secure a bursary place. Good luck.