Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

How to approach bursary issue after child already has place

82 replies

WayneJohn · 15/12/2019 10:37

Hello I'm wondering how to approach this issue?

Basically I earned a very good income from around 2006 or so and sent DS (who is in U6th) and then DD (now Y8) to private school.

For whatever reason everything was in cash so there is no property or whatever that could be sold now that STBXW & I are divorcing.

Anyway, the decree nisi drops in a couple of days and after that the financial agreement can be made. The issue is, well, there is in effect no money left, ok some tens of thousands of pounds but it's essentially an irrelevance given that the cost of DD's remaining education (Y9-Y13) would be ~£100k (she is currently at a prep school and has a place at a different school next year), and that stbx earns minimum wage more-or-less, and has no prospect of even affording her home counties rent and other basic living expenses without government help, let alone being able to make a contribution to private school fees.

As far as my contribution goes, tbh I should have left my wife about 8 or 9 years ago, but only really found a way out after moving to Asia, where I have been resident for 3 years now, and where my income is quite negligible in UK terms due to lower cost of living.

So anyway this is a slightly rambling introduction but as far as I can tell there is not necessarily anything specifically in the divorce paperwork about educational arrangements, but as stbxw is to be on Universal Credit at some point in the future (i.e. after her capital is below £16k) then it seems like we would have to consider that the current school year is the last of paying school fees, which is fine in respect of DS as he is going to university, but not so much for DD as she is 5 years younger.

My question really is how and when to approach the school about this? I feel that DD would be an asset to the school but they perhaps do not know this as they do not know her! She did not do particularly well when she applied to the school, as her grandmother had died the previous night so was quite upset.

What kind of things would they ask for and expect to give out a full bursary (or nearly so, if my parents could make some contribution)?

OP posts:
Original poster
WayneJohn · 15/12/2019 11:26

SurpriseSparDay, DS will be going to uni, so he won't be on UC.

My work circumstances are slightly complicated but I last worked in a traditional 9-5 type job in 2010, and then after that I continued to work from home till about 2015, which also earned a lot of £££, but it was not mentally fulfilling in that my wife had been cheating on me since about 2010, so I was earning money and we were going off one expensive holidays and such like, but all the money didn't seem to have much point because my wife didn't love me and I didn't see a way out in that I was not going to walk out and leave my children behind and she was not willing to leave.

Anyway in 2015 when we were on holiday in her country I had the opportunity to setup a small business, which I did and which I have run since then. It has never really made money but I found it more fulfilling than the previous work I had been doing. After that essentially I spent most of the time in her country while she was in the UK. Initially, i.e. during 2015-2017 this was on the basis that I was building a family business. Eventually it sort of became clear to me that I shouldn't believe a word she told me, as she was going to continue to cheat on me etc. and that at least I had found a way out, even if wasn't what I had hoped for, so we were 'officially' separated from 2018 to now, and soon divorced.

I had never really seen myself living in a flat on my own while my STBXW dropped the children off on weekends, especially as I was the primary care giver when I was working from home (and STBXW was working out of the home). And also because I don't make friends very easily and find the UK a bit lonely in that respect so I am happy to be out of it.

OP posts:
icantbecani · 15/12/2019 11:15

Bursaries at my children's school are given to the highest performers in the exams generally (assessed together with Financial hardship).

My mum lost her job when I was about to go into sixth form and I was given a 100% bursary for those final 2 years having been on no assistance previously.

Why can't your ex get a job? How can you have no money left? Your wife needs to be the one applying for the bursary on account of the fact that she and the kids have been deserted. I'm horrified at your lax attitude towards your obligations. What a cunty thing to do to your own children.

LoonyLunaLoo · 15/12/2019 11:09

No advice, because there isn’t really any other than try for a bursary and see. They’re very unlikely to give 100% of the fees. You have really screwed over your DD tbh. But enjoy your freedom abroad 🤨

SurpriseSparDay · 15/12/2019 11:08

Pottering - bursaries exist for people who can’t afford private school. That’s their raison d’être.

However, I don’t think the OP makes a terribly strong case. I daresay the school would be more sympathetic if his wife applied, citing the sudden drop in income owing to divorce.

PotteringAlong · 15/12/2019 10:55

You cannot afford private school. You have missed the deadline for secondary applications to state schools so you need to make a late application for her to start secondary school in September

Original poster
WayneJohn · 15/12/2019 10:52

The school does have some information about bursaries online, and it says that they focus on Y7 & 6th form entry for new applicants.

It says some reasonable stuff, such as releasing equity from houses (not applicable), both partners contributing as far as possible (I think this is reasonable in that I do not live in the UK), and that you should not be living in a mansion, going off on expensive holidays etc. (DD does come to visit me in the summer, which doesn't really cost any more than staying in the UK).

For existing students it says that bursaries will be focused on students in higher years, not new entrants. So it's not all that promising but one can only ask?

OP posts:
SurpriseSparDay · 15/12/2019 10:48

So, you earned a good enough income until 2016(?) to keep two children at fee paying schools - but now your STBXW will have to apply for UC? And that’s what your children will be living in until they have jobs?

It’s hard not to conclude that you moved abroad and consequently reduced your income in order to deprive your children and their mother of financial support.