Secondary school - school run

Becoming independent is incredibly important for children’s self esteem. I am a bit of a “tiger mother” who is very focused on my dd’s eduction, extracurricular activities, etc but i am also mindful of the fact that teaching children life skills, as early as possible, is probably more important than anything else.

If your 10 year old is not able to walk a short distance already on his own than it is high time to let him learn it.

DD started at the Summer term of Y5 to walk mostly independently meaning she walked in front of me, crossing roads by herself and ensuring also that she left on time. I normally left when I saw her walked ng through the gate. I still had to collect her though. At the same time she would go alone to the library, do small purchases at Boots or supermarkets.

In Y6 she refused to be seen with me unless the weather was awful or she had to bring extra stuff to school and asked for a lift. She started meeting friends on her own.

Y7 was “no way you bring me anywhere now”, she takes a bus to one of her hobbies when DH is not at home and I just pick her up and for another one she takes 2 buses. It takes some practice but they are so independent, in secondary they need to be, no more holding hands for everything.

We had a rather sad incident a year or so ago when a Year 5 boy reported a man had tried to drag him into his car, when he was walking to school.

I say "sad" because the boy later admitted he had made the whole thing up. Plenty of people in the local area still believe it happened though.

I drop and collect my year 8 kids. SN dd so necessary in any event.

I take a lot of 'someone in a car tried to get my child' stories with a pinch of salt, especially if the source is Facebook.

You could always do what I did and move right next to the school, It is perfect for DS (ASD) as he just has to follow the pavement.

I do see a child walking to school with her Mum on my way to work, I do wonder what the story behind it is and how far they walk together.

Before we moved, we lived further away, I maybe should have taught DD a little more sense of direction, she got lost the first day after getting off the bus.

Op you really don't often read about children being grabbed by a man in a van. I don't know anyone who has been abducted, whether walking to and from school or someone else. I do or rather did know personally three people killed in car crashes. In the city where I live there have been at least six fatal crashes this year. I'm not saying don't go in a car, but statistically you are more likely to die in a car crash than from being abducted.

Helen during the last half of the year prior to starting secondary school you can encourage him to walk to his current school on his own by letting him do the last part of the journey then slowly increase the distance. By the end of last term he should be able to walk on his own. Over the summer he will grow up quite a lot (not sure how, but kids seem to do that just before secondary). Ideally you’d want him to walk with other kids at least part of the way.
Mine would have been horrified about getting a lift to secondary school regardless of the weather or which car I’d drive. I’d do pickups on occasion when there was a club straight after school but wouldn’t normally park near the school because it was really busy. So 90% walk to and from secondary school usually with other kids for most of the way. Also, with the really bad traffic we have, it is quicker to walk for 25minutes than to drive that distance. .
I know it’s scary at first, but they need to be independent and must be outdoors in all weathers not just for set sporting activities. It does them good. Not too long after starting secondary school they’re all driving on their own! That’s even scarier

nelly
As you say though, these aren't common reportings and the whole "I can't possibly let my child walk to school with friends / can't let them go to the park / can't let them walk to the shop / must drive them everywhere" is all about creating a boogyman to justifying mollycoddling.

We were aware of situations on evenings regarding teens and pre teens, but no suggestion was made to people saying don't let your kids walk home from enrichment.
We were also made aware of situations regarding social media aporoaches, but we didn't suggest all students came off social media.

What mollycoddlers do is create an illogical narrative because it justifies what they want to do.
They're more likely to crash their car with the child in it than their child is to be kidnapped by a stranger, and yet they'll drive within 10 ft of their destination.

Their child is more likely to be harmed by a member of their own family than a stranger, yet they'll leave their child alone with family.

Their perception of harm and risk is out of balance and it affects the child's ability to develop appropriate independence.

With regard to the van thing - we had two messages from the (primary) school warning us to not let our dc walk to school on their own as there were two attempted kidnappings: car had driven up to child, passenger tried to pull them in. Luckily each time child struggled and managed to run/bike away. Police confirmed it all and it was all over local news. So while stranger danger doesn't happen daily, it does happen occasionally. I still let my dd walk on her own, as the alternative of not developing independence is horrifying, too, but I am always relieved when she arrives home save.

Some years ago a man in a van did snatch two girls who were walking to school. He kept them for a few days, and then let them go. I have a feeling it was on the South Coast.

Aren't parents concerned about their safety?

Aren't parents concerned they are failing in their duty to prepare their children to cope in the real world?
We wonder why some grown ups are useless, look at their upbringing and you usually find out why.

Aren't parents concerned about their safety?

Yes! There's a part of me that is scared out of my wits every time I let my children out of my sight because, yes, something could go wrong. But you have to learn to deal with that because your children need to learn to be independent and to navigate their own way in the world.

wonder
It's a boogyman story that overprotective parents use to justify why their darlings couldn't possibly walk to school/the corner shop etc alone and require ferrying within 10ft of their destination.

The maddening thing is that it's the ones who've never had an ounce of independence and have been mollycoddled their whole lives who are probably more likely to find issues as teens when there are some more real issues in many areas because they've not actually been given time to develop some street awareness and independence and how to navigate situations and so on.
To be vague for obvious reasons, aware of situations where teens have been approached in a local park, but nothing has come of it, they've told adults in school and home and the police were aware. They were teens with enough independence and street awareness that they absolutely did the right thing. Someone who's been wrapped in cotton wool for fear of a boogyman with a van at 3:30 may not have made the same choices.

I've never heard of men in vans snatching children on the way to school. I'm not sure that has ever actually happened.

My son was the same - so we started off by dropping him at a friend's house and they walked together until he developed his street sense. It literally only took about a month before I felt he was safe walking to school but did wonders for his confidence.

You often hear about people in vans trying to snatch children as they walk by themselves
You don't at all. This obsession with stranger danger / scary van man is something that comes from parents who've not taught their children how to manage basic independence and so they use the boogyman as a way if justifying their mollycoddling.

In terms of safeguarding, children are by far more likely to be harmed by family members and close family friends than they are a stranger.

Kids need a little independence and freedom, My daughter loves riding her bike to school with a group of friends, they chat about the day, sometimes stop off at the park or the shops to get a treat after school. She would really miss that time with her friends if i dropped & picked her up everyday.

My dds walked to primary school from year 5 and get the bus to secondary school from year 7.
Think that's normal here.

I must say I do wonder about people who take and fetch their kids at secondary school...do they not work? They can't all be working 8.30-3pm surely?

Op if no one walks anywhere in Cyprus then I see why no one walks to school. The heat is not an issue in the UK tho, and lots of people do walk - to work, the school, to Scouts, to football training, to the local shop, so most of us feel it's a good idea that our children be able to do this, and we feel that 10-11 is a good age to do it - after earlier teaching about road safety and other issues. How do people in Cyprus learn about road safety out of interest, or does literally no one ever cross a road?

But you really are comparing apples and oranges there. Heat is not a problem here and it is expected that children are able to make short local journeys. I am also not sure where the crime rate comes into it. Every parent should assess the risk of the journey.

Assuming you're not from the UK, what do secondary age children do where you're from? Are they still accompanied by parents at the age of 11/12? How far is your son's new school? Is there any friends he can walk with. My DD walks (her school is just less than a mile) and crosses some busy roads. She didn't have much preparation in y6 as I was driving her (primary 4 miles away) but adapted really quickly. In the first half term of y7, she has gone from pretty cosseted to walking to and from school alone, sometimes going to the nearby park with friends after school and she has found new friends to walk home with. This is a school where she knew nobody as all her primary friends went to different schools. You'll be surprised how things change in y7. I still keep a check on her but it's so nice to see them relishing a bit of independence. The only time I go to meet her is after a club, as it's getting dark early and she normally cuts through a park.

You need to let your children find their feet

What helps is remembering that the vast majority of the population is nice and kind just like you.

My DT’s got the tube to school on their own when they were 11. One of us have been taking them from age 4- they probably could have gone on their own earlier. They liked meeting their friends on the way to school and on the way home going for a coffee or milkshake.