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Secondary education

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Original poster

Would a quiet, shy, bright girl do better at a private school or in the local state secondary with her friends? Where was your quiet child happy?

102 replies

SkaterGrrrrl · 30/09/2019 12:24

DD is only just 9 so I have a bit of time, but need to start getting my head around this. DD is very quiet and shy. She doesn't play with everyone is her class but is fiercely loyal to her one best friend, who has been her best friend from day 1 of reception. DD is pretty bright and in the top set at her lovely state primary.

We had planned to send DD to the large (1300 pupils) state secondary very nearby. When last year's Ofsted downgraded the school to Requires Improvement, the grandparents kindly offered to pay for DD to go private at secondary. Their offer is not just for fees but for everything - uniforms, books, school trips, sports equipment etc. We are grateful for the generous offer but have lots of doubts, some ideological, some practical, mostly we are unsure where a child like this will thrive.

I guess the advice I am looking for is, where will DD be happiest? At the large state secondary, will the teachers even notice her? She will be with her best friend and many other children she knows. She will probably be in the top set academically, if primary is anything to go by. At a private school DD will have to make new friends, which she doesn't do easily. And perhaps she will be in the middle, academically. But with smaller class sizes, the teachers will have the time to discover what's under her quiet exterior.

I'd love to hear where your child thrived.

OP posts:
Sillydoggy · 30/09/2019 12:46

My quiet daughter is thriving in an all girls school and has really come out of her shell. All girls gives you a chance to become involved in a wide variety of activities/subjects- nothing is off limits because it is dominated by boys. You do need to check the ethos of the school as they all have a different focus and approach but ours is very much about enabling girls to be whatever they want to be. Go and look around the schools, get a feel for them and you may well find your decision is made for you.
The money issue depends on the individual school. Whether it is state or private your child will be in with a wide range of incomes, don’t imagine that all private school kids a from wealthy families. Many have grandparents paying, many have both parents working to afford it. Your child will not be the only one who doesn’t have all the material things.
Mine started in state and moved across and the difference for a quiet girl was that she had a chance to speak up and be listened to, a chance to work with other children who wanted to work and a quiet, disciplined environment. Just a personal view but my daughter is very happy with our choice.

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 30/09/2019 12:25

Just a couple of other details. Another concern is whether DD will feel like a poor relation at a private school. DH and I both work in the third sector. We live in a much-loved but not flash suburban semi. Holidays are usually camping with the odd cheap week in France or Italy every year or every other year. Will DD feel left out at a private school where people go on ski-ing holidays and students have material goods she will not have? Of course the education itself is the key thing, but teenaged girls like to fit in. We are trying to consider what's best for her both academically and socially.

Finally, the state secondary is a 10 minute walk from our house, whereas the private schools in the area are a bus or train ride away. The state secondary is girls & boys. The private schools locally will be girls only. Apologies for the essay and thanks for any advice.

OP posts: