Allergy bullying at school

As a parent of a child who is both being bullied, and has had some horrendous experiences with anaphylaxis, this makes me very sad. You need to wave a big red flag on this one I’m afraid.

Christ - Contaminating his food with things he is seriously allergic to is poisoning. He cannot stay there...

for you, @jellyjellyinmybelly - and a big hug. You didn’t upset me. I felt I needed to say what I did, but I didn’t want to make you feel bad.

Friends?

Take him out now before he comes to serious harm. Get in touch with the council and find out about other schools.

Kids have died because of this sort of behaviour, you can't minimise it. Contaminating his food is assault, and this is only going to get worse if you don't act now.

Write to the school, detail what has been done, and demand action. Every Thursday night there is a twitter group called AllergyHour - starts at 8:30. Join us next week. PM me for details if you like.

”nothing terrible, just name calling, thumping, tripping”

I was bullied at school from the age of 10 until I went to Sixth Form college. It was ‘just’ name calling - and it caused me to become so depressed that, in my mid teens, I was contemplating suicide - and that depression has blighted the rest of my life. I nearly 55, and I am still chronically clinically depressed - I am on two different antidepressants now, and will be for the rest of my life.

Don’t minimise bullying - all the things you mentioned can have very serious effects on the victim.

your son will be at the least beaten and at worst have his food deliberately contaminated and face death
This is really serious and I’d remove my child from that situation regardless of the consequences. I agree with pp who said it’s attempted murder and should be taken very seriously with police involvement.

You can flame me for being over the top if you like but I would consider the bully's tampering with food to be attempted murder, or at least severe bodily harm.

And I would not stop until it was fully documented and on that boy's record.

It could save the life of another child.

Yes, please move him. This sounds so dangerous it's ridiculous. You should tell the current school that you have no confidence that they are able or willing to keep your son alive (which is the most basic thing a school should do).

Back in the day when I was at secondary school (more than 20 years ago!!) nut allergies were nearly unheard of and no school had a clue about them. Epipens came in when I was in year 7, before that I had to have a hypodermic syringe and vial of adrenaline (this is so dangerous and high risk for overdose btw!!!).

So what I'm saying is, I've grown up taking responsibility for my allergy rather than relying on the school. I remember being primary aged and well meaning adults trying to get me to eat things with nuts in and I had to be quite vocal to refuse! Certainly at secondary I carried my own two Epipens which school knew, but they let me get on with it. They didn't have extras in the school office or anything.
Both times in my life when I needed my epipen with proper life threatening symptoms (navy blue couldn't breathe /massively light headed and couldn't breathe) I've actually been able to give myself the epipen. Surprisingly so!!

It's not perfect but what I'm trying to say is don't discount moving other schools because they aren't as clued up on allergy stuff. Your son is a sensible pre teen who can take a lot of responsibility on himself. Of course having a good allergy policy and access to extra epipens in the office at school is a nice thing to have. But actually he is in so much more danger being bullied and having a kid potentially covertly contaminate his food and kill him, than he is protected by the school having a so called good allergy policy.

And for mental health reasons for his whole life, please please move schools. He will blossom in another school and you will all be so much happier.

Hugs xx

nothing terrible, just name calling, thumping, tripping

Even that is totally unacceptable. The fear of this alone every day in school is enough to affect a child's mental health.

I wouldn't send him back in until this is completely sorted out. Is every complaint in writing? Are they following their own bullying policy? Did you mark each event in your diary so you have a list of what was done, what school promised and whether they delivered on that promise?

The school my son's attend come down harsh on just name calling, even worse on physical altercations. Some 13 year olds are the size of fully grown men, this is why they nip it in the bud as soon as they can.

You sadly need to go into school to sort this out, the lunch thing could seriously do harm as you know. You have no choice.

Take your DS out of that school he shouldn't have to put up with bullying of any kind it's going to ruin his self confidence.

I agree with much of what has been said Op. you need to get out of the mindset that you need to do things like homeschool. You need to sort this out. If it’s not child it would be another one and that is just not acceptable.

I’m slightly bewildered as to why you minimise so much of the bullying that has been taking place. “A few slaps thumps etc” “big lad just keeping everyone in line” “this isn’t his normal m.o”
I’d have had him out of there ages ago.

You should report this to the police. It could well fall under a Section 20 offence as the child knows his allergies, put them in his food with intent and knew the consequences if he ate them. You should also, of course, contact the school.

But I really don’t understand why you and your son put up with being slapped and stuff let alone this latest incident. It is NOT normal behaviour but you seem to have normalised it. Get him out of there ASAP.

Mythical is right. Putting food onto someone's else's plate isn't exactly a common action. Combined with the physical abuse and the fact he knows the allergies it's a reasonable assumption to assume it's deliberate.

Schools will say anything to get out of accepting responsibility (not all but some!). What you have to do is point out the reasonable assumption and leave them no reasonable counter argument.

There are 2 angles to this:

How is the school protecting your child from danger of death ie contaminated food?

Presumably the bully is doing this because he knows about your son's allergies and their seriousness, ie he understands his (quite deliberate) actions are likely to kill someone. This is obviously a crime - apart from the previous assaults you have mentioned. Regardless of whether there is proof of who did it, someone is contaminating your son's food on purpose.

For background I have a nut allergy and have zero time for those who minimise allergies.

Keep him off tomorrow.

Email HT directly.

Explain previous situations and how it's escalated. Point out your son has asked you not to intervene for fear of his safety and therefore they are inadequately safeguarding him.
Then explain about this boy and food.
Say you expect a workable plan of action by close of play tomorrow or you'll be personally holding them responsible for any injury, illness or as possible death.

Hi OP,
I also have DC with a history of A&E admissions due to anaphylaxis. DC is only in primary but already has experienced allergy bullying, teasing, being poked with food etc.
Most of the schools are absolutely useless unprepared in dealing with severe allergies, from our experience.

I’d move you DS and request new school to keep the info about his allergies private.
Please don’t feel you and your son are alone in this - www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/campaigning/making-schools-safer-project/

OMG. All I can say is that if this was my child, the school, the police, that boy’s parents and most likely the loca press would know about it. I’m sorry but your sons food is being contaminated- I have two children with allergies so I know. This is unacceptable. Please make as much noise as you can with the right people, headteacher, if in london your schools police officer. The priority is to stop this.

You think if you tell, your son will be at the least beaten and at worst have his food deliberately contaminated and face death.
This situation is insane. Remove your son for his own safety
I agree. My dc are at the local comp and it should not be like that. You don't have to put up with this. It's appalling. Move him

I'd take son out of that school starting tonight. You don't have to immediately de-register him, so you have a breathing-space whilst you look around for other options.

You think if you tell, your son will be at the least beaten and at worst have his food deliberately contaminated and face death.

This situation is insane. Remove your son for his own safety.

Even if you don't tell, big lad could coerce or threaten someone else to contaminate your son's food.

Nothing seems to have happened to the boy who killed Karan, because he said " "I didn't know it would kill him."
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/05/01/teenage-boy-threw-cheese-schoolmate-subsequently-died-tells/

Presumably this idiot you call big lad would say the same.

Also in Karan's case, the school staff were woefully unprepared in how to administer the epipens and when to call for an ambulance.
Considering the school your son is at appears to be unable to implement any form of discipline or safeguarding by normalising hitting, thumping, tripping up etc. that would also be a grave concern of mine.

My son has allergies in the same way. He has a card that allows him to take a friend into lunch first sitting or whenever he feels like it. It would be a way of ensuring the bully isn't near him and that way you haven't betrayed him.