Is anyone else's DC hating their new secondary?

my ds was in a similar position a few years ago. we spoke to school who really helped him find a friendship group and settle. A big issue was finding friends at break as not used to size of school and not all being together. so we advised him to organise a regular meeting point. It took most of year 7 for him to feel totally settled but fast forward to year 11 and he's glad he stopped at better school and has amazing friends. keep talking/reassuring him and talk to school. i can guarantee they've had this issue before and are well used to it but I totally get how heartbreaking it is x

@GiveMeMoreMash oh my goodness my thoughts are with you. DD has started secondary but with two girls from primary who she was not friends with. She has managed to make some friends but has said that some kids don’t seem very sociable and stick with kids from their own school. I am sure this will change. I think the residential your son goes on will help him settle more. Fingers crossed our kids settle down soon.

DS is in year 9 now, but I only found out this summer that year 7 was really lonely for him. He went in knowing no-one and as he's not a talker and by nature quite reserved it was hard to tell how it really was. Turns out it wasn't great. No bullying involved, he just took a while to find his place and his people.

He's fine now though, he enjoys school, likes most of his teachers and has quite a gang of good friends, so take heart, things may well right themselves in time.

formerbabe DD has PE for the first time today and I was thinking poor kid lugging that lot around. However to have to bring it in everyday when they don’t have PE is a bit extreme. I wonder do they do lockers for him? I was going to suggest this to my DD to maybe put her kit in it so she does not have to carry it around after PE

Thanks for this thread as it is really helping me at the moment. I think this is the first time that DD has had to see what not so nice adults are like which is a massive step away from primary where the teachers were just nice.

DD has been very clingy the last few days. This morning she had another panic attack, crying and have found out that it is partly due to a teacher who is not very nice. What ever an awful impression has been made and it has scared the crap out of my daughter. Only day five. I have tried to explain that in life their will be teachers/people who are just like this and to keep her head down and just do as he says. In all honesty though DD is unconfident and is the good kid so this has not helped one bit. She then said she had a headache before going in due to this teacher. At the moment it has been a big mix of tears and then the next minute smiles.

I don't know if I'm being ridiculously precious but my ds's school bag is so heavy, I've been driving him in the mornings. He won't let me pick him up because he enjoys walking home with his friends but he really struggled with the weight. They are told they need to bring in every book every day even if they don't have those lessons...also told to bring their pe kit in every day even though they only have pe on one day a week. He got home last night and threw his bag and uniform on the floor straight away and said he couldn't bear to wear it anymore...they are not allowed to take off their blazers...

Joining this thread for moral support and in the hope that in a couple of weeks we'll all be wondering what all the fuss was about (fingers crossed!).

My son's just started Y7 in a school where no one from his primary moved to. We live out of catchment to the school all his friends are going to. So he knows absolutely no one.

After the 2 transition days before the summer holidays he was buzzing and saying how amazing it was. Great, we thought, this'll be a piece of cake. Turns out that was all bravado and have since found out he got upset because "everyone" already knew each other and he didn't.

To cut a long story short since he started he's:
-insisted on going on the bus on his first day and stressed himself to high heaven worrying about when to get off (now getting lifts)
-missed the second day with a sickness bug (which I now think was probably just nerves)
-got dropped off by my husband and didn't make arrangements as to how he was getting home (he did make it in the end, don't worry!)

• to cap it all yesterday came home on the bus by himself (more practice!), panicked when he pressed the bell to get off and the bus went past his stop and the next one and left his school bag on the bus with all his stuff in. [Cue a very stressful evening visiting various bus depots before thankfully getting the bag back at 10pm last night)

This morning he's saying he's ill again (evil mum has made him go anyway). He also has a Y7 residential in a couple of weeks that I'm hoping will help but I think his head may have exploded by then!

We're doing everything we can to help reduce stress levels until he gets settled - lifts there and back (with the odd bus home practice), a checklist for packing his bag every day, daily pep talks, advice on how to start conversations (he is painfully shy despite having lots of primary school friends). I'm sure it will get easier in time but had no idea how hard this was going to be for him.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end of this rather long post...😁

Can you move him to the school where all his friends are? I was really worried about my son as I hated secondary school and had an awful time. He has ended up in a school where all the boys from his popular group are and he meets them before school, ever break and they all eat together at lunchtime and a new boy has joined them. He is still in his popular group and its has helped his transition immensely. He was going to go to a school where he knew noone and was unhappy about the idea of it. He loves school because of his friends and the food! I never knew just how important his friends were to him and his mental health, it has smoothed the transition. I woud consider moving him now if he is saying he is dperessed and get him back to his friends.

Its tricky OP but he will hopefully settle. Talking about his day already, thats great.
My DS1 was very unhappy to start with. He is a loner and we chose the school because he needs more structure and a stricter regime and I still think it was the right choice for him. He hates change though, and we moved house two months before the new term (it was just around the corner, but it was still a big thing for him).
He also had to get used to public transport (train) and a massive massive school as opposed to a one-class-per-year local primary. He didn't really have close friends, but obviously he was used to the 30 odd kids he'd known at school since he was 4, and we sent him somewhere else to them.
I got the dreaded phone call from the support worker on day 1 to tell me he was crying and distressed, and the same on day 2 and on day 3 he wouldn't go in at all.
We got there though. It took a few months for him to settle. He started year 8 the other day and to be honest he seemed keen to get to school (he doesn't really enthuse about stuff but he was almost happy) He doesn't have a 'best friend' but he seems content enough to just chat to random kids whenever.
It is overwhelming to start with, especially for quite sheltered kids like mine. The whole dashing from class to class thing when they've stayed in the same room all year, the concept of homework, and organisation and responsibilities that they haven't had before. Strange new people including different teachers for every subject. Plus many of them going through puberty so already hugely hormonal. Its tough.

Yes my DD is hating it. Bullying from her 'friendship group' that happened for the whole of the Summer Term in year 6, has now carried on from day 1 in senior school as her primary school is a feeder school. But the bullying is even more vitriolic than year 6
Have requested that she is moved away from them to another learning group to that of a new friend she has made. No response from school yet, desperately waiting to hear as it's getting worse each day and ruining her new start.

My ds is massively struggling

It's really surprised me...he's really confident usually, doesn't struggle academically and is very popular amongst his peers.
He's making friends pretty easily and enjoys the actual lessons but he's exhausted and overwhelmed.

His new school is unbelievably strict...detentions for having your tie too short (on the first day) for example.

He's so tired after school but has an hour homework...even more difficult, is that they don't actually appear to set specific homework . They are just meant to learn and write something from the text books... Basically just seems to involve rewriting facts from the book. Seems totally unstructured to me. No idea if this is normal practice in schools now?

zafferana today was marginally better. I don't think he's bursting with excitement, he still hates it, still doesn't want to do and still wants to go back to his old school. But at least he was smiling this evening, so I'm hoping things will keep slowly improving. I think it'll take a while.

My son too needs to get into the sports teams to find a sense of belonging. Just hoping the lad who smacked him isn't on the football team!!!

@malmontar great that your DD stood up for herself, hopefully it was a misunderstanding and they can clear it up and be friends. And/or she finds some other friends next week.

I hope all the year 7s find their feet and settle in, it is such a massive transition for all of them.

Dd in year 7. Said she had made a friend on day one but then wouldn’t talk about it or indeed any of the other children. Not even in passing. I find it strange and can’t work out if she is feeling very lonely

My DD is struggling too. She doesn't cope well with change, but despite being as prepared as we could, there was just too much new stuff. We've had tears every morning and evening. Most of her primary transferred, but only 1 person she knows from her old class who has made new friends. The girls who live near to DD are in different classes together, so she's feeling very lonely and unsure. I know the friendships will settle down, it's just hard seeing her so sad.

We've just had an argument over her calculator - she has to collect it from the maths office as i ordered from school, but she doesn't know where that is and is refusing to ask for help - despite there being 4 different types of people she could ask. She'd rather get a detention than figure out where to collect this calculator from!

zafferana i know There's a massive amount of guilt attached to this all too, which makes it harder.

How was your ds's day?

sheshootssheimplores good plan. We've got him into a local freerunning club and trying to get a space in a X country club too. I reckon meet ups with mates will definitely help.

At what point does one go to the school? He has absolutely told me not to. And I think he's right. But say this kid carries on harassing him, how long do we leave it before we step in?

Any extra curricular stuff you can get him involved with at the weekend so he has stuff to look forward to? Also try and facilitate meet ups with his mates too.

Any extra curricular

Yes, mine. DS1 started y10 today in new school and hated it. One kid slapped him round the head trying to start a fight, and whole bunch of other kids laughed at him being new. He's been begging me all summer to let him go back to his old school (we moved for work, it's the other side of the country), and this is gonna make the whole thing worse. I know it's only the first day but I'm heartbroken for him