GCSE 2019 support thread 6

Bimkom you need to encourage your DS to stop comparing himself to other people because there will always be those who struggle to achieve and those who it comes naturally to. He will experience different ability and learning types throughout life so best to get over feeling upset about it early on.

Dd worked so very hard and like your son Bimkom, she had some negative comments from kids in her year.
Dd is also moving on to a new place. It’s massive and not so selective as your sons 6th form but hopefully the culture will be one in that working hard is good and -above all-normal ( Dd sometimes made to feel ‘weird’ for wanting to work hard). If not, I’m hoping it’s big enough for her to find a small group of fellow students who DO feel the same way.

@singingstones Yes I agree with you, but it is hard for DS to see. Some of his friends might have been working harder than they let on - but they certainly were not in bed the night before a mock, which he was careful to do, to enable him to be as ready as possible.
I think he is hoping that at his new sixth form, working will be more acceptable. I am not sure if that is going to be the case - there might just be more of this posturing about how they can achieve without working, but here's hoping.

@Bimkom it might not feel that way now, but your DS is in a much better position than anyone who didn't have to work. That connection he has discovered between hard work and achievement is something that will power him through life. I say this to my DS too - he worked hard but admitted he wasn't telling his friends how much revision he was doing for fear of being made fun of. One friend in particular, has been comparing marks and trying to 'beat' DS since primary school
Anyway your DS's friends may also have been working harder than they let on but it's a shame that these boys don't feel it's ok to say, I really want to do well, I'm going to work my arse off!

@ihopeyourcakeisshit - your poor DD! Not sure it is my place to criticise but that is so awful of your DM, makes me feel so cross on your DDs behalf. Is there something special you could do for your DD to tell her that you are proud of her results - they are really a fine set of results, and it is just so inapproprate of your DM. Is there something your DD really loves and you don't normally do that you could do for her?

sorry @singingstones

@singstones - I keep trying to tell my DS that. My DS worked like a trojan - as I think I mentioned at one point, on one occasion I read one of the whatsapp groups he was on with DC from his school, as there were some allegations of cheating in the mocks, and I wanted to check he wasn't involved in it, and he had gone to bed. And there were all these DC up at nearly midnight the night before another mock joking on whatsapp about how hard my DS worked. And he did very, very well, and was really pleased. But then he started hearing about some of the results from some of the kids who put much less work in, and in the afternoon he was feeling a bit down, because some of them had also done spectacularly, even better than he had, with a fraction of the work he had put in (I suspect many of them hadn't done so well, but he was learning about the ones who had). And I did say to him that a lot of those kinds of kids struggle with A Levels, because they don't have the work ethic, and don't know how to study, all the things that he has been working so hard on, particularly this last year. I am not sure he believed me. So in this ridiculous system even when you slog your guts out and do amazingly well you can also have this sense of not quite being good enough. Which is completely bizzarre.

@summermadsession I would agree with that - I was a 'high achiever' at GCSEs, no revision (literally a read through the night before) As all round. (this was actually the last year of O levels so in the days before A stars). This did me no good at all when it came to A levels because I had no work ethic, no idea how to do it. Not used to trying I guess, and didn't like not being instantly good at everything and so didn't bother. I did scrape a place at university but same happened there. IMO DCs who have to work at this stage are much more likely to do well later on!

A little saddened by the pp’s saying their mums have a been a bit underwhelmed by their dc results.
I cried on Thursday thinking about how proud my mum would have been.

The youngest works relatively hard - but not as hard as she could or some of the overachievers do. My kids are under the impression that quite a lot of the over achievers do very little.

I've found this thread super supportive. Not all dc are academic and not all dc want to go down the A level/uni route.

Ds1 has a somewhat spikey academic profile in that he got 8s, 7s 6s and 5s :)

I'm desperately proud of him. He worked his socks off to get his maths grade up from a 4 in January mocks to a 6 in his exam :)

He is doing his perferred A levels at his preferred 6th form.

What's not to be happy about!?? :)

I am a bit confusing to a lot of the other "Mummys" around here. Not only do I have 2 older DC who didn't go to Uni, both struggled with mental health. And they are now in "just above minimum wage" jobs, one is very happy the other likes the money but does want to change to a proper career at some point. But in addition to all that my youngest is not going to: private school, or very highly regarded state sixth form (of the school she was at) or even very highly thought of sixth form college. Instead she is going to Sixth form college in neighbouring town which is a bit down market to here - but it has a fabulous pastoral side, is very flexible, and does very well with its intake (great value added) - and DD wanted to go there.
You can see them double take, and not know how to respond.

And I think all of my DC are clever - just in their own ways. The youngest works relatively hard - but not as hard as she could or some of the overachievers do. But if she gets to do what she wants - then what's the harm?

I also have a friends DD who struggled through school - but still ended up getting a degree with a lot of support. But uni especially at 18 is not necessarily the right route for everyone.

My DD did a great job in lowering everyone's expectations, which I think is a great life skill! She actually did well in the end, but we were all very prepared (including DGPs) for if she hadn't!

@Possiblynotever on this secondary board, hang on I'll find a link for you

This is the year 11 in September thread here

There is also a year 10 in September thread but I think you mean the one above. For revision get your child to ask for guidance from their teachers. They know the content they are teaching.

@JuniperOakPark where can I find the Y10/11 GCSE support threads?

@singingstones Sorry, but I did laugh at that!

Thanks everyone, not sure when positivity will kick in, but I'm sure it will.

@summermadsession same. My nephew just got a first from Cambridge so my DCs have got no chance in this weird competition that nobody except her is interested in

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit my daughter achieved similar results we are very proud of her and thankfully so is our wider family ! Ignore the GM!
All we ever asked of her is to do her best. All those teenagers sitting as many exams as they did at once - not sure I could have done it! We all proud of those year 11 students just sitting the amount of exams and getting to the other side not broken is what’s important. One of my daughters friends got a fantastic set of results at 9/8’s when she opened them she was pleased but what she put herself through mental health wise to achieve them I’m not sure was worth it.

Honestly, some mums!

@summermadsession Where my DMs concerned there's always someone who got better exam results, one of the reasons we've avoided telling her. Only last week she was telling me how badly I did in mine. I took my GCSEs 30 years ago...she needs to get over it. I told her she was lucky I went to school at all, which shut her up!

Exam results are the the only thing my mum cares about, I’ve now been told 4 times than my niece got 3 A’s in her A levels. I find it really frustrating

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit those are excellent results and she should be proud of them.
It's the kind of thing my mother would say but luckily we don't live close to each other and I was able to tell her DS's results through my sister, who is a teacher and would have been very celebratory no matter what.

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit - We've avoided telling Granny exact results, just saying DS is doing the course he planned to and it's all good.

Your mother and my mother are probably friends.

@Ligresa - indeed, the BTEC course DS1 did they were able to do Alevel maths along side, and some of them went to RG unis (DS1 didn't want to which was lucky because he forgot to go to the exam, and sat in the classroom thinking everybody else lazy for being late)
I was so snobby about him doing a BTEC, but I really shouldn't have been!