GCSE 2019 support thread 6

Brilliant Bimkom

On a Mumsnet thread in Higher Education a while ago, somebody posted various descriptions of students they or the lecturer who wrote this had lectured to (clearly at university level), in a discussion of imposter syndrome, which included:
"2. The bullshitter: slightly above average ability, works a lot but never admits it "gaming all night again" = head down in the books. Comes out of every exam saying how easy it was and how he aced it (yes, always male). Mocks any of his friends who admit to working hard or even trying hard. Gets things in on time having "pulled an all-nighter" to do it (has actually been working steadily in secret). Seldom asks for help from staff, will leach information off friends. Everyone will know when he does well. Easy to teach but not to have as a classmate. Gets B's sometimes A's."
As opposed to. amongst others:
"3. The honest slogger: average to above average ability. Spends a lot of time in the library. Has encyclopedic knowledge of submission schedule for assignments, office hours of staff and is expert at finding information. Generous to others with this knowledge. Conscientious about making sure they have a good grasp of material, will come to lecturer to ask for help, which they will share. Male or female. Works hard and effectively. Gets things in on time, complete in every aspect. Lovely to teach. Can be undermined by bullshitters. Prone to impostor syndrome. Gets lowish A's and sometimes B's."
This second describes my DS to a T. He cheered up again afterwards, I think it was just the initial impact, it is hard not to compare, whatever one says. (Btw, I am not even convinced that some of these DC really did as well as they claimed, it seems unlikely. There are supposed to be only a limited number of all 9s in the country, so hard to believe that so many are concentrated within a couple of schools). So don't worry, he has gone back to being thrilled with his results.

Sounds great littledog

Ds1 got 5s for both PE and Physics with no revision at all...

He decided to "sacrifice" those subjects to concentrate on eng lang and maths which paid off.

Ds1 also not bragging about his higher grades...some people he knows didn't do so well :(

goldface he sounds lovely and be happy he’s like he is in so many ways. Some kids (and parents) get so stressed about all this exam stuff.

Not many kids know what they want to do at your ds’s age. Try to work out from him if there are any lines of work or subjects he absolutely doesn’t want to do. Focus too on subjects he can do fairly easily. Would he like college or sixth form? College is more flexible in requirements than sixth form.

My dd has just enrolled at college to do animation and film-making with a couple of very good relevant GCSEs - art, English, media studies and a couple of ‘filler’ GCSEs to reach the number of passes they need to enrol. She was never academic but always creative. School routine, uniform, early mornings was not for her. We didn’t stress about getting 8 GCSEs because we knew she’d never again need most of them. I think she’s in the best place she needs to be right now but some of the super competitive mums would see her achievement as a failure.

@goldface

You're welcome.

Not getting at you, I totally get where you are coming from for what you want for him, ( I've been there ) .
But until it is him (not you) wanting those options and choices open for himself - it's hard to support them .
The only person who can get him those are himself, no matter how much he's supported.
The only person who will hold him back from achieving or becoming whatever he wants to be - is him.
The motivation needs to come from him - at this stage your best support is to help him find that. His goal.

I think a problem is that he doesn't know what he wants to do next and so didn't feel inspired or see the purpose of GCSE's? They keep your options open especially when you don't know what you want to do. We all like choices.

Ok, so if she was confident enough that she'd get an A without doing any revision she must be rather academic! Based on her Year 6 Sats results - a 4 in Maths and a 5 in English ( and she was not known for being particularly good at english - nowhere near the top set in primary school along with her CATs results taken on the first few days of Year 7, where she scored around 100 in all parts - I'd say she was average.

That's helpful, thank you both.
I want to make sure I've done everything I can to support him?
I'm not personally fixed on the grades he gets, I just don't want him to miss out on opportunities or choices ? I think a problem is that he doesn't know what he wants to do next and so didn't feel inspired or see the purpose of GCSE's?

@goldface - I wouldn't praise him for being bright and clever - praise him for hard work - that is the thing he has control over - that is the only thing he can change - the more work he puts in the better he will do - he is in charge of his future.

@goldface

I would start by having a chat now before he starts Year 11. Ask him simply - what does he want to achieve, his ambitions, what does he want from his GCSE year.
( Rather than your ambitions for his grades.)

Another simple question - how does he see himself ? You have described him as a ‘lovely, funny and bright boy’ (which I’m not saying he isn’t btw ) and school reports say he doesn’t put enough work in but how does he feel ?
Let him express that, you may find (as was the case with my Ds1) he didn’t see himself/ability/potential the same as you do.
It’s about finding his motivation and building on that - rather than you wanting him to get motivated IYKWIM ?
My own Ds did not have confidence in his abilities . If he was told he was bright he would deny it as he himself couldn’t see it. It became a stick he would beat himself with.

He didn’t ‘flourish’ or get his self worth in time for his GCSE’s but he has now after his further education and higher.

Once they find their self worth , exam technique, working hard, revision, reward will all follow.

(Acceptance & patience are what I had to give him and faith that it would all work out in the end )

My DS got a couple of 8s and a string of 6s and 5s. Solid but not brilliant results, he can do what he wants for A level, but it’s left me feeling very flat as he could have done so much more had he applied himself over his secondary years. It’s my problem not his, he’s happy, and the results are as predicted by his excellent secondary but he’s extremely bright. Heh ho, my DS is himself and not the hard working academic kid I want. But nonetheless I feel I’ve failed somehow, for not getting him to want to work. Which I also know is ridiculous. I haven’t told him this , I don’t intend to, I have done lots of congratulating. But underneath I’m feeling a bit let down.

Re RE DS got a 5 with zero work at all apart from turning up to sit the exam and absorbing stuff during lessons. And he said he couldn’t even start some questions so must have scored highly on the ones he did. I was surprised he passed that one.

DD's RS was an option choice - she loved her RS teacher, they had a really nice class - they started the course in Year 9 - so that they could have in depth debates - something the RS dept is very keen on - teaching the dc's to debate properly. We have never taken her to church - we are atheist. Taking a full RS GCSE option just made sense rather than taking a pretty useless compulsory half GCSE in RS - it gave her an extra class in her weakest subject. She told me as long as you could back up your argument with a vague reference to the Bible/Koran you were fine - she does not generally make flippant statements like this about other subjects and she is not taking it for A level - she really doesn't like the subject.

@goldface depending on your dc it’s really tricky to try and help them at this stage without them taking offence or shutting you out!
Dd organised all her folders in August before starting back to highlight any missing sheets / notes and x checking the curriculum V what she already in her file so that at Christmas she could just revise for mocks without worry her notes were a mess!
What worked for her was the traffic light system.
She printed each exam curriculum which is already broken into sections and highlighted the sections green, yellow, red. From that was able to organise which sections to revise first, ie Red first! We worked on the principle of approx 20 hours per subject and divided down to create a revision schedule of course give and take depending on where it is needed.
For Dd that was all the help she needed as it was the knowing where to start that she found overwhelming.
Seneca for sciences raised her grades from 7 to 9s.
Using past maths papers consistently really helped. We used audio guides for English Lit. And mfl languages used the website that tests your vocabulary, can’t recall the name! and past papers for other subjects.
Flash cards, mind maps cgp books were not her thing!
She started revising slowly after mocks at the end of Jan. which she found took the pressure off later with no last minute melt downs.

Maybe, just maybe , she had an amazing RS teacher??

Was that RS an actual option choice, or did all the students do it based on a lesson a week? RS is a subject that some schools offer as an option and where some school enter everyone. This does affect that way it is marked a little ime. My school offers it as an option, so the students are interested and they have 5 lessons a fortnight form specialised teachers , leading to many 9s. It is an essay based subject which values debate so, often, once the content is mastered (and that does need to be learnt or taught), a student who has excellent essay writing skills will fare very well. The A Level, however, is far more demanding.

I do wonder if RS is possible quite easy to get if you’re okay at writing because my dd put in the laziest effort all year with class work and homework, did the revision classes at school but no independent work and got a 5. I thought she’d get a 1. There’s something odd about getting a 9 though if you’ve not revised at all.

Ok, so if she was confident enough that she'd get an A without doing any revision she must be rather academic!

I don't believe anyone can get a 9 in RS without working for it. No doubt dd did all the homework she was asked to do throughout the year but she did not work for her RS as she said she felt she knew enough to get a 6 or a 7 anyway and she'd be happy with that, she felt she needed to work on the subjects she wanted to take to A level and believe me she did work for them (and she didn't get a 9 in those). I find her getting a 9 with no final effort incredible - possibly some totted her score up wrong, who knows?

I don't believe anyone can get a 9 in RS without working for it.

I did point out to dd that when I was at school there were plenty of kids who loved to pretend they'd done no work at all then 'miraculously' get top grades.

Clearly at GCSE level some kids can sail through, but A levels are a different matter.

Goldface, my DS managed to convert a few 3s and 4s in mocks to 6s

He used the online revision tool Seneca, as that suited him more than book learning, and watching youtube (what's the name of the "boring" looking man, mr ... the science guy. Sorry, can't remember, too early!

Anyway, he used online resources and whilst I was unsure, it seems to have worked (and saying yes to all revision classes the school organised)

@goldface I was pretty much the facilitator - if you need something I'll get it for you but I can't do the work for you! Telling them if they are upstairs and on Netflix rather than revising they are cheating themselves and they'd be better just to take a break. At times I helped them by suggesting to remove their phones - sometimes they agreed. They asked for tutors, they asked for dh's help with science - I couldn't help with explaining subjects I was too close to them it was too explosive - dh is away all week, so they see getting time with him as precious and they don't mess around.
Ask him what he needs from you, how you can help him - expect that to change, what ask him what he wants out of this process - is there a course he wants to get into? If he doesn't care, it's going to be hard to force him to work without it taking its toll on your relationship.

@Ligresa My dd got a 9 after doing no work for RS - I was appalled she wasn't doing any - but she said it wasn't an important subject as it wasn't an A Level choice...she had too much ground to make up in her other subjects - I have no idea how she got the 9 - it was her only 9 too and she has no interest in it - I found it very amusing that the dd of two atheists would score so highly.
But my dd has not boasted about any of her results (her best friend knows and that's it) - very few of her classmates have shared numbers, even the very clever ones - they have all just said "I got accepted into the courses I wanted to do and I'm really happy" - they felt talking number just made people feel bad - I have only shared numbers on MN (and to my mother who just had to know) - I use the same phrase as dd - she got into her courses....we're really happy! It's just another stepping stone.

I wonder if I could ask you all some advice? My son is about to go into year 11. He is a lovely, funny and bright boy but while he contributes well in class reports often state that he doesn't put enough work in to get the grades he should get.
He got 3s, 4s and one 5 in the end of year 10 mocks.
So...how can I help him to be ready for the real GCSEs? When/how should he start revising? How can I support him without nagging him?
He's quite laid back and I think next summer feels forever away to him but I know despite his cool that he will be gutted if he fails exams.
We've been shopping today and bought a nice new desk for his room and some other stuff so he can we his work space organised
Thanks for any wisdom, it's much needed x

I agree with others Bimkom looking at what others have never leads to happiness. I can assure you that both my kids had to work for hard for every mark they got - and ds in particularly had 2 friends who do not need to work and couldn't understand why he was starting so early - but ds was very realistic about what he needed to do. I think what's always frustrated me about this situation is that the kids who find it all so easy are often the kids who receive the rewards and the kids who work hard rarely get acknowledged.
DS went from a estimated grade 5 in his French, to a grade 9 result in his GCSE - it was only very recently that the teacher even acknowledged his progress and I think that mostly came from his desire to take A level - it was like every time he did well in an exam the teacher assumed it was a one off - he found that very frustrating and it wasn't a deliberate move on her part to motivate him - she genuinely didn't think he could do it.

binkom this happened to dd who worked so hard but still didn't get as high grades as some of her classmates and nowhere near your sons grades! For example her friend hated RS, moaned about it constantly,
boasted that she did no revision then got a 9, whereas dd loved rs, wants to do for A level and 'only' got a 7! Its annoying but a life lesson!