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Original poster

Year 7 bullying should I call parents!?

40 replies

candymilk · 27/06/2019 17:24

Hi just looking for some advice.

My DS (12) coming to the end of year 7. He's had a good year apart from a couple of bullying type incidents.

At Christmas one of the boys he walked home with started punching him hard on the arm repeatedly and daily during their walks home. My son started walking home with some other boys and this all stopped.

So I thought.

He has come home tonight and said that this same boy from before has jumped on his back and pushed him to the ground and then about 6 boys have piled on top of him. The ringleader has then also hit him with his heavy cast (he's got a broken arm) over and over with all of them on top of him.

This has happened three times in the last two days.

This boys is twice the size of my son. He is almost adult size and I am worried he could really hurt him. It happens when my son is minding his own business just chatting to others.

This boy is quite competitive and aggressive and my son is not so could be seen as an easy target. Ironically the both play for the same sports team outside of school - I just don't understand why he would do this.

I want to put a stop to it. I'm worried it's becoming a habit and something he will do to my son on a regular basis. I know his mum - they have been to each other's houses - should I text her and ask to chat on the phone about it.

I'm really scared my son will get seriously hurt next time and so what is the best thing to stop it quickly without making him look like his mum has to step in! I don't want to make it worse.

Thank you xx

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ElectricLions · 05/07/2019 17:26

@candymilk

I am pleased things seemed to have stopped.

Don't fall for the things could get worse worry. If they do then you report that. None of us would say to a female friend, no don't tell the police your boyfriend hits you, it could get worse.

The way I see it if child A hits child B and gets away with it, it is a green light for child A to continue to hit child B and maybe even escalate the violence. If reported, school have a record of the hitting, if it gets worse school then have reason to apply more sanctions, maybe a meeting with the parents.

Your school will have a bullying policy, sometimes this is in the student planner (it is for my sons' school) often it is online. It should give a step by step guide as to what happens when a child reports it. This falls under safeguarding which is the highest priority for a school.

Even if your child worries about reporting, you have to just to protect him. I hope his walk home stays event free and your son has a great summer.

Original poster
candymilk · 04/07/2019 22:16

Thanks so much @flumpybear. so far so good. Form teacher had a word with the whole class and things have been okay since then.

Thanks so much for all your advice and support - have a great summer. Xxx

OP posts:
flumpybear · 03/07/2019 19:16

Good luck @candymilk - I hope they back off - if not come down on the school like a tonne of sharp objects - it can damage your poor child mentally as well as physically but glad they're taking agreed measures you're all happy with now

Sunshine1239 · 02/07/2019 20:33

I had this with dd

I spoke to the parents who were a waste of time - eventually I logged it with police.

Original poster
candymilk · 01/07/2019 19:47

Hi all. So the head of year 7 phoned me today. We had a good chat and decided on a plan of action.

Over the weekend my son told me that he didn't want this other boy to know that I had contacted the school - he was adamant as he thought it would lead to further teasing etc - so I suggested a compromise - that the form teacher talk to the whole class and say that the boys have been seen being too physical and rough and they need to reign it in etc. Then if it happens again they will talk to the individual boy about it. The school were good and agreed with me about protecting my son and are going to talk to the whole group tomorrow. Also today was a good day with no incidents.

Also I probably didn't make it clear enough in my initial rambling post but this recent stuff happened on school premises during lunchtime. It was only the incident in December that happened on the walk home.

Thanks for all your suggestions and advice x

OP posts:
Smith888 · 01/07/2019 17:16

Sorry just saw your answer?

Smith888 · 01/07/2019 17:15

You need to involve the school in writing. Can you speak to the parents of the boys who were with your son and not involved? In my experience the bullies and their friends always deny anything or they will argue its play fighting. You need proof or backup. I would do this before even thinking of approaching the bully’s mum, but personally I would never do that! Can you have a friend observe them on their walk home?

Original poster
candymilk · 28/06/2019 21:43

Hi. Not yet ;(

I phoned the school and spoke to one of the student services officers as all the teachers were offsite on a training day today (kids were off too).

She suggested I emailed his tutor and year head so I have emailed them both documenting everything and asking for their advice as how to handle it and nip it in the bud. I am still waiting to hear back. Guess I won't hear anything until Monday now.

Really hoping it can be dealt with in an effective kick ass but also low key way. I hate drama and don't want anything else to happen to my son as a result of me reporting the other lad.

Enjoy your weekends everyone. Thanks for taking the time to comment and advise me. 😊 xx

Will let you know what happens.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 28/06/2019 21:23

@candymilk ... see my message below ... sorry @Rainbowknickers

flumpybear · 28/06/2019 21:22

Any luck @Rainbowknickers after emailing today?

Rainbowknickers · 28/06/2019 09:41

I had this with my son years ago I contacted the school-they where worse than useless so I called 101 and they went round for a chat
A week later the lad in question knocked on my door,grovelled a bit (I said I’d forgive him if it never happened again-they didn’t have to be mates,just ignore each other-and to be fair my son could wind others up which I’m sure your lad doesn’t)
They where besties within a month and now as adults are always airsofting together and spend many a happy hour at the pub

I’d contact the school and if no joy call 101 for advice

BatFacedGirl · 28/06/2019 08:30

I would be up at the school quicker than you can say it! Email and make an urgent appointment and ask them what they intend to do to work with you to keep your son safe.

I'm not sure id contact the parent(s) - maybe. Dunno. I'd be asking the school to confirm that they will be though.

Any chance you can collect your son from school, just for the foreseeable future?

I'd basically be nipping this in the bud hard and as quickly as possible

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/06/2019 08:23
Flowers
HermioneMakepeace · 28/06/2019 08:14

I'd probably let the school try to deal with it first. If they were unable to stop it, I absolutely WOULD contact the other parent. In fact, I have done this. It didn't go down well, but the bullying stopped.

I have also been known to go straight to the other child (when DS was small) to tell the bully that if he ever hurt my son again, there would be consequences. I got slated on here for that, but I still think I was in the right.

Do whatever is best for your child, OP.

Original poster
candymilk · 28/06/2019 08:07

Thanks electric I hadn't thought of that - he's the kind of boy that would get his friends to lie and cover for him.

There's a teacher training day today so the kids aren't at school so it gives me some time to contact the school today - hopefully they are checking their emails.

I'm so worried that it will massively make things worse for my son. But I suppose the school has got to make sure it doesn't.

Will let you know how I get on.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
ElectricLions · 28/06/2019 07:40

SCHOOL not Mum.

If you talk to the Mum it gives the child enough time to concoct a story and contact his mates to completely back up his version of events.

School will have each child in for a conversation and usually get them to write down their version of events. It is a school issue. Don't believe for one second that a parent will be on your side, a lot will come out fighting for their child.

Ds2 had online bullying by someone Ds1 and Ds2 walked home with, school dealt with it perfectly and Ds1 told the kid there was no way they were ever walking together again after they way he had treated his brother. I was really proud of him.

Any incidents of physical violence toward your son should be reported by your son to either pastoral or head of year. Whoever it tells them to in their planner. Even verbal abuse if it keeps happening.

I hope your son is okay.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 27/06/2019 23:35

Ring Head of Year 7 tomorrow - that's what they are there for and they will interview each of the kids involved. That kind of incident needs recording.

flumpybear · 27/06/2019 23:30

If the mum is like that then definitely speak to school first thing - don't let your child be alone with this monster - and tell school you expect them to keep him safe and if segregation happens it's negative on the bully and not your child

Tell them the account from your child and personallynid tell them unless they take this seriously, and you need to follow this up in writing on email for auditing, that you'll take it to the police as it's GBH /assault etc

But be nice with the school - but firm like you won't speak to anyone except the head (this is SERIOUS bullying and assault - the head needs to take action here)

Good luck, be strong and don't let your little boy down, fight the shitty bully til he's broken / he needs a taste of it!

Bunnylady53 · 27/06/2019 22:47

“ Definitely “ not “ Defiantly”

Starlight456 · 27/06/2019 22:42

I would go straight Bro the school . One incident happened in school at least.

Considering the link of coach it will be far better going through school

BrilliantYou · 27/06/2019 22:37

I'd text the mum and speak to school. I don't like 'boys will be boys' - it's bullying and need to stop now. Hopefully his mum can talk some sense into him but unfortunately that may not be the case. Make sure school is aware of it too. Your son shouldn't have to put up with this anymore!!

thedevilcamefromthehimber · 27/06/2019 22:34

Unless your good friends with the parents of the child then I would go through school. I can tell you now there is no way she will believe a word of what you say to her if you say she's a feisty character and her son will deny it. Doing this would probably make things worse for your son.

Jaffacakebeast · 27/06/2019 22:29

Could go either way with the mum, unfortunately even the ‘nicest’ ppl can turn if they don’t like what they hear about their child. I’d just go to the school if you aren’t friends

PenguinsRabbits · 27/06/2019 22:22

I would go via school though our school said they don't deal with journeys to and from school but old school did. That also alerts school there could be an issue at school.

I would never go direct to parents unless a really close friend.

Original poster
candymilk · 27/06/2019 22:15

I'm also thinking about telling the mum but she'll either be amazing and deal with it or kick off with me - she's quite a feisty loud character. I don't know her that well - just to polite chat to at the boys cricket matches. It's also complicated because the bully boy's dad is their cricket coach and we have to see them every week at the moment.

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