DS wants to repeat Year 13

he needs level 3 qualifications no matter what
Maybe its that belief of yours that is putting a lot of pressure on him and he cant cope with it.

Are level 3 qualifications worth his mental health?

what he does regarding his career / education is up to him, he's an adult, I can't decide for him.
But it sounds like you are deciding, by saying he has to get level three qualifications, "no matter what".

It really sounds like he is just not capable (right now) of doing the work required to pass 3 A-levels. And as for going to university to become a defence barrister, that is just for the birds. Have you read how many students commit suicide at university because of their mental health.

@user20 - I suggest that you do your research on becoming a barrister. It’s very competitive. Perhaps becoming a solicitor is more realistic? Paralegal/secretarial work may be a stepping stone? A relative did a law conversion in his 30s and is a solicitor in London.

The problem with jumping into a course in sept is that he would already have to have a plan and chosen subjects etc... why not take a year working and figure out what he really wants? He can then go and do some work shadowing and get proper careers advice (eg what a levels are beneficial for law degree - if you do one then you have to do 1 less year of professional training after to be a solicitor compared to a non-law degree).

Perhaps learning to touch type and doing a course for legal secretarial work may be beneficial? Any lawyers around?

www.ucas.com/ucas/after-gcses/find-career-ideas/explore-jobs/job-profile/legal-secretary

www.allaboutlaw.co.uk/stage/becoming-a-lawyer/how-to-become-a-legal-secretary

If it was my ds i’d rather him do this first rather than a degree because I would be able to gauge how committed he is and whether he has the maturity to go through a 3 yeardegree (which will incur a significant amount of debt).

Does he know that User20?
By the way most people I know that own houses and cars and have holidays etc have jobs in things like Plumbing or Admin or Accounting and - this might shock you - working in the retail industry.
Qualifications needed yes.
University needed no.

@user20 - 1 year is hardly a lifetime. It is1 year because often courses start in sept.

But if you find a book keeping (he sounds better at the maths than English side) course or welding or life-guard course in the meantime, then there’s no reason why he shouldn’t go for that. He might need to learn some skills to be independent eg cooking and budgeting which can be taught in this year so he doesn’t end up getting into debt when he decides on a further education option.

You sound very reluctant at all for him to work. Plenty of teens do and some people work during uni/in summer hols to avoid too much debt.

Who said he was limited to McDs for the rest of his life? A year working could be the making of him.

Has he ever had a part time job? His current future is 2 years of repeated A Levels at college. This will inevitably lead to failure because you refuse point blank to acknowledge let alone address the issues. So he leaves at the age of 20, with no qualifications and no work experience, his MH shot to pieces because his issues have not been addressed and his confidence is at rock bottom.

Is that the sort of future you're imagining - cos that's reality unless you take your head out of the sand and quit the 'Oh I'm his mother I know him better than anyone else' bullshit.

A year or two away from the pressure of education to get his shit together, learn some life skills, get some employment experience, then think about what he wants from life and how he can achieve will do him far more good that anything you're suggesting.

I suppose maybe SEN issues may affect how he performs in a job and perhaps more has to be put into thinking about what he might manage?

@user20 - I suppose it is chicken and egg. Maybe he won’t have as much motivation to study if he has not experienced work?

A few months of min wage employment whilst looking at courses for FE is hardly the end of education. Is there a reason you think that you should do a certain level of studying before starting to work? In the past/other countries children worked while they studied (eg harvesting crops).

Why is there still the obsession with going to uni? Has that come from you? His school? His peers?
There are other routes to 'good' jobs. You said he was interested in criminology. Last year I saw an add in my parents local paper for an apprenticeship finger print expert at Thames Valley Police. An apprenticeship - no university needed. He needs to look at the wider world. And you do as well.

In all honesty I would suggest he leaves school and works, McDonald's maybe, somewhere he will have to work hard and see how little you earn despite a 45 hour week (dd worked there) he can apply to university via a foundation course without a levels (check prerequisites as they vary) once he realises how hard the working world is. It worked for us (dd did have a levels though)

I think getting a min wage job may be a good thing because it will broaden his experience and give him extra motivation to improve himself. Perhaps he could do this part-time once his IT exam is over. OP - you seem reluctant to let him do this?

Another thing would be to enroll in a course with him. So you can understand all the demands on young people and so he can feel that he is not the only one having to study. It could be an edx online course on coding, law, whatever. If you can, pay for the verified version and you get a certificate that can go on his cv. He can then feel he has achieved something over the summer.

I’m trying to change career and working shift work, long commute. It is tough, but start with small things.

User20 I have not read all the thread but can share my experience of my DS repeating year 13.

My DS was diagnosed at 15 with a lifelong illness/disability that effects him daily. He survived GCSES (excellent grades) but struggled at A level.

His struggle at A level was a combination of factors, he had started with Four A levels, one was maths and the jump was too much. He focused heavily on the maths in the first year to the detriment of other subjects (got B's and C's at AS level).

He started Year 13 with three A levels but by the Easter it was clear he was not managing. Again a combination of factors including his emotional well-being (impact of managing and coming to terms with his disability). My DS is also a bright lad, his attendance was almost 100% (only time off was for medical appointments) and teachers knew his potential.

I went into school and we agreed my DS would not sit any exams that year. He would remain at school for the remainder of the year and joined the year 12 classes when his year group left on exam leave.

It was the best decision for us. He had time to sort himself out and mature. He has just sat his A levels and is on target to achieve his predicted grades for university. It is not costing us anything because he didn't sit any of his exams last year.

Some others from his year group have also returned but they have to pay to resit the exams (school will only pay once).

All the DC that have returned had excellent attendance and were engaged with the school. That had missed their predicted grades by one or two marks.

I was talking to my DS when his exams finished and he admitted he wasn't ready last year for the pressure of exams and this year he is in a much better place and ready to go to university.

I will add it's not been easy. He has needed to revise all the year 12 work (as this was done two years ago), his friendship group has been smaller, he had a lesson clash so couldn't attend all the lessons for two subjects. He has needed to be self motivated and wanting to work. He has spent hours working independently over the holidays and evenings.

In your situation I would advise you meet with school. You also need to be honest and ask yourself do you really think he will put the hours in that are needed. My DS has had an almost zero social life this year and certainly over the exam period.

Good luck

my opinion counts for a lot actually considering I am his mother!!!

Do you really think that'll help his UCAS applications? Or maybe you think if you attach a letter with his cv when he's applying for jobs it'll help?

I am sorry you are having a hard time on this thread. However you need to think and guide your DS to positive plans for his future now.

Can you and your son think laterally so rather than just think of repeating something that hasn't worked (school sixth form) consider other options at local colleges such as a vocational course

https://qualifications.pearson.com/en/about-us/qualification-brands/btec/btec-works.html?utmsource=google&utmmmedium=cpc&utmcampaign=GBVOGP0418BW19&utmmterm=%2Bvocational&utmcontent=343910792594&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpqiw-rfe4gIVhrrtCh05Tgr4EAAYASAAEgI1hDDBwE

What about the Open University access course?
http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/do-it/access?ns_clid=google&gclid=CLCF9duz3uICFcT2UQodZzEHvA

Do you live in or near a town that has a more vocational technology college to look at other courses. Our local one has an apprenticeship open day next week. Attending this would show you both the range of companies.

Another idea- Is your DS interested in the police? Could he look at becoming a special constable?

Here's another college that does agricultural and animal courses and has accommodation.
https://www.sparsholt.ac.uk/

If he has a confirmed mental heath diagnosis he may get disability student allowance and extra help.

Surely the low number of GCSE subjects was to do with his MH issues?

In which case he has done really well.

I find it baffling, OP, that you are so vague about the reasons for 7 GCSEs.

The GCSEs were better than average by grade, but a lower than normal number taken. e.g. Norm at DD's comp is 9.

However people who get Bs & Cs often don't attempt A levels at all.

The reasons for him only taking 7 GCSEs will probably also be reasons that impact ability to succeed in A levels.

The GCSE grades are probably below average for those taking A levels, if you take into account that some of the A grades were effectively achieved at the expense of dropping 2 other subjects.

but they were good in my opinion

Let's be honest - your opinion counts for fuck all. Teachers opinions count, college and university admission opinions count, employers opinions count. Yours dont.

And you have let him down, and see intent on continuing to do so.

I would listen to what he is saying - I have never heard a teen say they might as well hang themselves. I'm not saying he's necessarily going to do it, but it sounds like he's feeling really uncertain and worried. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about chucking him out. Is he still getting CAMHS input? Even if you don't think he needs it now, he may really struggle come September when his friends go off to uni.

Being engaged in something useful is good, whether that is work or study. Personally I don't think trying to repeat A levels is the right thing for him, not now in any case. I think there is more to his poor performance than laziness, whether that is being unsuited to A levels, anxiety, fear of failure, something else. The Cs and D's he received at AS level could have been due to pure laziness, but the final A level outcomes I think are more than that. Repeating (if allowed) risks him being in stasis for a year and receiving similar results again. Pulling up to a good grade within a year would be really hard.

I'd try to let go of what you think could have been and focus on what is now. Getting an A in GCSE doesn't mean you are capable of an A in A level in that subject, A levels are set to be harder to achieve. I don't think he has missed out on 3 As here, even if he had worked hard. The people I know who got 3As at A level got straight A*/As at GCSE without loads of work. Of course he would have done better if he'd worked, but I think having the idea that he could have got 3As will probably make both of you feel worse.

I would research if any employers nearby who offer entry-level jobs with promotion prospects, even if the entry-level job doesn't sound that interesting. A friend who is clever but less good at applying herself to academic study (good GCSEs but less good A levels) joined the civil service in an admin role, minimum wage. She worked hard, showed ability and has been promoted a long way, and now has a really interesting role with responsibility and good pay and conditions. The civil service will support her getting a degree if she wants to pursue that. I'm sure there are other similar employers. McDonalds is one that often gets mentioned as having lots of entry-level roles, but opportunity to progress far. I agree that "shelf stacking in Tesco with no chance of progression" type jobs won't help his self-esteem, but it doesn't have to be that way.

If he does continue study, PLEASE address the phone addiction behaviour. Adults struggle to curb smartphone use, it's not surprising that a teen won't be able to control themselves, esp with autism and mental health difficulties. My approach would be to give a £10 very basic phone for texting/ phoning only (the ones with grey screen) and the smartphone is temporarily returned in short bursts if he studies, eg for a few hours at weekend when finished homework.

Or something like a bteq etc? He might just pull the same stunt again. Or perhaps let him work for a year and see if he grows up a bit. He sounds immature.

What about doing a foundation year (if he can get onto one with one a level)?

User20 : I am sure he is intelligent.

The problem is he doesn’t or isn’t able to manage himself well enough wrt getting to school and revising.

His SEN and mental health cannot be dismissed as irrelevant in this.

Non stop phone use by a child with OCD and ASD? He needed effective support and guidance.