DS wants to repeat Year 13

I can't believe you don't even know whether your DS has a statement of SEN or an EHCP!

I also can't believe you clearly haven't attended your DS' annual reviews otherwise you would have had discussions on the next steps prior to now. From Y9 annual reviews usually involve a section on discussing transition to adulthood.

If he has an EHCP it would be unwise to jump in with a job when he's not ready because the EHCP will cease (other than apprenticeship).

Excellent post Lunde

user20 - @cantkeepawayforever he is an adult now so why on earth do I need to go to the meeting with him if he doesn't want me there??

Well he may be physically 18 but most kids with Aspergers syndrome are not socially mature or adult. Socially he is probably more like a 14-15 year old and you wouldn't leave a child of that age to just flounder would you? AS children often need support after school leaving age.

A kid with Aspergers syndrome will struggle without structure which is why A-levels are often the time that they experience significant difficulties as there is much more required in terms of self-motivation and individual study. It is a common response for kids to get overwhelmed with the demands, not know where to start and just to stop doing anything as a response to the stress that they cannot cope with.

However most parents, when faced with a child with disabilities who has had a disaster at school, would be stepping in, would be contacting the school themselves, would be researching alternatives. But you seem determined to let your son sink or swim by himself - and at the moment that probably means that he will sink. Frankly he may not be able to get a retail job.

You need to sit down calmly and talk to him about what options exist:

1. a repeat school year?
2. college - can he get funding? Are you able to fund him?
3. A Gap year where he works full time for a year or 2 until he knows what he wants to do? (I know someone who worked as a binman, it gave him a jolt as he didn't like it, returned to FE college, got A levels, went to Uni and became a qualified professional accountant)
4. Will the Open University accept him? although he may not be self motivated to study
5. an apprenticeship

If you don't help him sort out a plan he is going to struggle.

Really you must go with him.

Dd has additional needs, she 20 and doing brilliantly at Uni with lots of support.

She had a meeting yesterday about an amazing job opportunity and I went with her in the car so she could chat stuff through and arrive with a clear head.

I'm 50 and yet sometimes my husband comes to things with me for support and I for him despite both being relatively well functioning successful adults.

'With great power comes great responsibility '
I think that applies mainly to the dc but also to the parents.
He hasnt been doing very well sorting things out himself and ended up just dropping things.
He needs to completely consider subjects and what he got As at at gcse. Look at what he enjoys most and the syllabusses.
He looks like he does well at what he enjoys.

This has to be one of the most frustrating threads ever on MN. Which is quite evident by some of the replies from over-invested posters. Some very inspiring stories though - I have a few of my own - grit is a wonderful asset to acquire, but how to is the question!

This has to be one of the most frustrating threads ever on MN.

It quite simply isn't a case of the school "forgiving" your son and "allowing" him a second shot. He's completed 2 years and has had his funding. Yes they should have kicked him out last year which would have given him some more options to repeat/start again down the line.

Some facts:
His GCSE grades really don't indicate an ability for good grades at A level
His A level choices really don't indicate any desire to be a Barrister

She won't explain/doesn't know what he applied to do at uni
She won't explain/doesn't know why he chose the A levels he did
She won't explain/doesn't know what happened to the remaining GCSEs
She won't explain/doesn't know what's happened to the ICT BTEC to date
She is not taking his MH issues into consideration, at all, despite an ECHP.

Just fixated on school giving him another chance because "he's sorry" but no indication he means it (no working for the BTEC ICT which should be easy for him tbh.)
Talk about tunnel vision.
Some really inspiring stories here on alternative routes, that it isn't A levels or dead end job, all ignored by the OP.

You need to go - or at least dial in as a conference because
An 18 year old in the wrong will be easily cowed
Point out neither of you realised if he sat the exams he wouldnt be allowed to repeat
Point out echp and funding goes to 25.
Etc

I too think it's made up. I'm not going to report though because it's amusing

titchy I don't think this is made up.

It reads to me like a poster who although wants her child to do well, isn't that well informed and who has trusted the school & her son far too much. She accepts statements from her son at face value, and doesn't question to deepen her understanding or even to check their veracity.

She is clearly a 'hands off' parent who lets her DC, however incapable, of finding their own way.

It seems to me that OP's son is desperately in need of an informed parent helping guide to make a good decision, and then advocating for him.

Anyway people post all sorts of stuff here. They keep it up for years. They post long convoluted tales designed to invoke attention. Don't know why - something missing in their real lives I guess. This thread appears to be one.

Would I be going to meetings with him when he's 25? No

Do you not believe in supporting your children. He has SN and an entitlement to have his ECHP till 25 so if the 'system' recognises he needs support till that age why not you - you bloody well should be going.

My neurotypical child is three years older than yours, had a health issue and I took a week of work to support her.

OP, I've been wondering about the ICT BTEC. Normally with BTECs there are ongoing assignments which are graded Pass, Merit or Distinction. In order to get an overall Merit grade ~2/3rds must be at Merit, similarly for Distinction.

Do you know how your son has got on over the 2 years with the assignments?

The grading 'equivalence' with A level is Pass=E grade, Merit=C grade, Distinction=A grade, and a Distinction = A .

My dad worked for many, many years with SEN young adults. Their parents advocated tirelesly for them for many, many years, well into 'adulthood', fighting for what they needed at every stage.

You have an SEN young adult, with MH difficulties, who you are instead abandoning, hiding behind a smokescreen of his age.

if they can give other school refusers a Chance then why is my DS any different??

had the other school refusers FINISHED Year 13 AND been enetered for their exams?

The others you mentioned had NOT reahed this stage - e.g. they repeated Year 12, or broke off Year 13 early. Aspeople have explained patiently, time and time again, that makes the situation entirely different.

If you have a precedent in the school of a child who has completed Year 13 and been entered for A-levels repeating Year 13, then of course the same could be extended to your child. But you haven't given us any such examples?

Would I be going to meetings with him when he's 25? No

If a child of mine needed me to, to right I would. Your child has SNs and mental health issues. He needs your support.

he is an adult now

You know people don't actually gain the maturity of an adult on their 18th birthday, right? Your DS has shown literally no sign of being an adult this year going by this thread.

User20 In real life do you feel powerless as a parent? I can’t believe that you would take the time to post so much here with regards your DS’s hoe of repeating year 13 but refuse to provide parental support and clarification during a key meeting that is the only chance to make it a reality. It therefore seems more likely that your DS is blocking your attempts at help and shutting you out.

I honestly don’t think that the school are going to be able to continue as caring adult guidance for your DS.
In any case educationally a repeat year 13 is not going to be a panacea for your DS’s future since lack of maturity is not the only issue.
Tricky and upsetting for you as you are going to have think of other ways to provide the parenting and additional support that your teenage / young adult DS needs to engage back into life.

he's not an ex pupil though if he's still on the school registers?
Yes, but that is just semantics, if he has finished his A levels the schools responsibilities to him are finished.

if they can give other school refusers a Chance then why is my DS any different Your DS wasn't apparently a school refuser and he seems to have had second and third chances already.

he is an adult now so why on earth do I need to go to the meeting with him if he doesn't want me there Then why on earth are you posting on here?

You still haven't explained what you think repeating Y13 actually means?

"everybody deserves a second chance
Of course he deserves a second chance, he can enrol and pay to do whatever course he wants at a local college, nobody is writing him off."

^ This. This is what a second chance looks like.