Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

DS wants to repeat Year 13

437 replies

user20 · 04/06/2019 11:44

Hi,

My 18 y/o DS who is in Year 13 and is due to finish school forever at the end of this year is wanting to go back next year to repeat the year. He is currently out on study leave.

Basically, he is only doing one a level as his attendance was below 80%, not just this year but last year in year 12 too.

He has had no valid reason for this behaviour, he has just been lazy and made excuses and turned up to school whenever and when it suited him.

He is an intelligent guy, he got 4As and 1B and 2Cs in his GCSEs, It has annoyed me and my DH a lot over the last two years that he has wasted his potential like this, he could have done so much better.

I just want him to have a better life and employment opportunities.

He just seemed so distracted over sixth year, he just seems to be always on his phone and listening to music and on social media. he was missing deadlines, not revising for exams, well last year he did but left it to very close to the exams and came out with 2Ds and a C in his AS exams which is impressive for somebody who didn't bother going to school or revising.

The school were meant to Kick him out so many times as they tried working with him but he didn't co operate, the workload got too much and he had to drop down to one a level a few months ago as it was too much work to do in such a short period of time.

He has a btec ict exam in a few days and hes done nothing for it - he can't even be bothered to work for one exam.

He has said often that he regrets his behaviour as he knows he was capable of doing more and maybe going to uni in September, I wouldn't be bothered if he chose not to go to uni but I think he needs his a levels.

Anyway, after a long wasted two years, reality has kicked in as he now wants to have a good career and has found out that if he were to start a two year a level course at an FE College, his education wouldn't be funded from September 2020 onwards.

He now wants the option to go back to school next year and repeat Year 13 - is it likely after all this carry on that they'll have him back?

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:42

@EvilTwins I don't think it's the schools fault at all. This is entirely DS' fault. The school did not force him to have poor attendance. He forced himself to do that.

I don't know what happened with his funding, he dropped down to one a level but it wasn't official, he just stopped attending classes and didn't show up to his exams for those two subjects and his entries were never cancelled. So, in the eyes of the department of education he was still doing 3 a levels. So really he has already got himself 2 Us as his entries weren't withdrawn.

I know you must think I'm one of those parents that don't give a dam about their kids, I'm the opposite. I didn't have a good child hood but I was so hardworking as a teenager and I have a degree and a full time job and I provide a good stable home to DS as well I did and do for his siblings. I hate the way he has got on.

I even told the school that they should kick him out during one of the meetings regarding his attendance - I don't for one second blame them. I think he has had it too easy and he deserved to lose his place in that school

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:34

@IncrediblySadToo good point - a letter to the principal explaining his genuine remorse over this whole nightmare may not be at all a bad idea.

In fact, he said to me that he was thinking of writing an apology letter but feels that they will laugh at him as he feels embarrassed for expressing his emotions due to him being male and his age as he's 18 but I said that's not the case

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 08/06/2019 20:32

If I was one of his teachers I would have been seriously pissed off with him but then I teach drama so his poor attendance would have impacted on everyone else.

What you probably don’t know is that his poor teachers would have had to explain to their line managers about why he was underperforming and what interventions they were putting in place to support him. They would have had to justify any under performance, were probably blamed for his lack of engagement. His choice to drop down to one A Level would have come back on a teacher at some point. The school’s funding will have been hit because he is no longer following a full timetable. It is possible that they didn’t kick him out because of the impact on funding. But it’s also possible that there are teachers who had faith in him, who insisted, possibly because of his GCSE performance, that he could and would pull it out of the bag. And he didn’t. And they would have felt let down and probably a bit stupid for arguing the case that he should be allowed to stay.

Or maybe none of that happened and maybe the school should take responsibility for his decision to just not show up Hmm

Phineyj · 08/06/2019 20:31

I think you're underestimating the difficulty of the new linear A-levels tbh. They have so much content in. When I see a set of GCSE results like your son's I predict B-D depending how motivated they are (also there are some pupils - a minority - who really flourish at 16 and/or take to new sixth form subjects like a duck to water so data isn't always destiny).

A basic phone would be fine to get texts and messages. I've only had a smartphone for a year and I've been distressed to find they're every bit as addictive as everyone said. And I'm an adult and leave it downstairs at night! Some of my students - I'd say about 1 in 10 and more boys than girls - are hooked.

Anyway, none of this matters as you need asap to clear up the point about year 13 funding and whether it's possible to repeat when one A-level's been taken and there's no illness or special circumstances. Only the school can tell you re the funding.

Is it worth going to meet the careers person re apprenticeships? Sometimes when you explore an alternative that helps firm up what's best to do.

IncrediblySadToo · 08/06/2019 20:27

User20

The thread is getting really de-railed, his previous results aren’t the issue here.

Maybe your DS has finally realised that he’s screwed up. Right now assume that’s the truth. Your relationship going forward is the most important thing here. Education can be ‘caught up’ damage caused to relationships can’t. Once it’s done, it’s done. I know it’s really hard when they’ve been idiots and ignored all advice etc and been proper shits, but sometimes some teenagers are and you can just hope they grow out of it! Maybe he’s doing that now.

(If he’s not you can deal with it later).

Throw yourselves into believing this IS a fresh start. I’d restart his gym membership if he uses it, I’d rather he was going than not. I’d suggest he writes to the Head apologising for his behaviour, properly apologises from the heart and acknowledging how bad it was. Requesting a meeting to discuss the possibility of repeating and acknowledging that if he’s lucky enough to be given the opportunity that it will come with strict compliance to the rules they permit it under.

Then I’d read it before he sends it. Get it ‘right’ but genuine.

Then I would write a letter too saying that you feel DS genuinely regrets his behaviour and hope they will allow him to repeat the year and that you’ll fully support the school over it.

Give him the opportunity to prove himself.

Good luck.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:26

@TeenTimesTwo yes I did but the problem is he sat his btec ict on Thursday so it's too late now

OP posts:
TeenTimesTwo · 08/06/2019 20:24

One A Level literally gets you nowhere. If he wants to re-do anything next year, he’s better off withdrawing from that one (school might ask you to pay the exam fee) and then at least he won’t have completed L3 courses and there is more of a chance an FE college would take him on.

OP did you see ^^ this from Evil ? Has he already taken the A level?

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:22

@EvilTwins his attitude? I have said this about a million times already, his attitude was his own doing. Do you think I'm happy about what he has done? I'm anything but!

You think I'm blaming his school, I'm not! I only meant that they should have said enough is enough. If you were principal at his school what would you have done? Would you have kept him on?

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:21

@EvilTwins I agree with you so much.

I think the teachers are too kind, I know teachers have to be professional and can't actually say it but I'm sure his teachers thought that he was a d1ck! (Excuse my language)

One a level is atrocious and I am so mortified at what he has done. For somebody who was so hard working and motivated during year 10 and 11 he has really shocked me at how badly he changed. I can't believe he just treated school as a place he could just pick and choose when he went. It's awful

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 08/06/2019 20:20

parented him

EvilTwins · 08/06/2019 20:20

school should have actually stepped up and told him to get the hell out. They are very kind but I don't know what they were thinking keeping him on

No wonder he has the attitude he does. Maybe you could have patented him. Maybe he could have taken responsibility.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:16

@pikapikachu it's awful for the parents isn't it?

Honestly DS must think I don't have a full time job or a house to run and that I can just clean up all his problems all day!

Yes, although this entirely DS' fault, the school should have actually stepped up and told him to get the hell out. They are very kind but I don't know what they were thinking keeping him on

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 08/06/2019 20:14

All I will say is that he would have got higher than Cs in his AS' if he worked.

But he didn’t. And nothing could convince him to do so. Choosing to drop to one A Level is choosing to not go to university - if he’s as intelligent as you claim, he must know that. One A Level is utterly pointless. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is. One A Level literally gets you nowhere. If he wants to re-do anything next year, he’s better off withdrawing from that one (school might ask you to pay the exam fee) and then at least he won’t have completed L3 courses and there is more of a chance an FE college would take him on.

I’ve taught 6th Form for many many years and if I was one of your DS’s teachers, I would be frustrated but also be thinking that he has pretty much got what he deserved.

pikapikachu · 08/06/2019 20:12

I'm in the same position as you. Ds is in y13 studying 2 Level 3 BTECS and 1A-level. The BTECs are fine (he's predicted Distinction Star and has previous module exams and coursework to back up the prediction) The problem is the A-level. He needs a C to go to uni but is predicted an which is generous IMO. His attendance has been awful (much worse than your son) and I would have accepted school kicking him out but he's gone in and charmed them so their so-called final chances have been not final at all.

BTECS have been a godsend for him. The modular structure and high coursework content means that he's been forced to submit coursework regularly from y12. With his A-level he's repeated what he did at GCSE- fuck all until the last minute. Retaking will be a complete waste of time for my Ds. If he doesn't get the C at A-level I will advise him to work for a couple of years then consider an Access course. Enrolling on any old uni course is pointless and I haven't said this to him but I suspect that he may not be mature enough to do the studying even though he'd be fine with the self-care. Ds has already discussed the possibility of retakes but I've been blunt and said that I don't think he has the motivation so it's pointless right now but if he decides to do it then I will support him.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:08

@Teachermaths each case is different though, and he did get 4 As at gcse, his older brother only got one A in his GCSEs and got an A in his a levels.

DS' attitude is awful at times - I'm sure you agree with me that the school should have told him to leave a long time ago.

He knew that the law doesn't require school attendance beyond 16 and he always maintained that since there would be no Education Welfare Officer involved that he would just go into school as and when he pleased. Long story short it has slapped him hard in the face and I have no sympathy for him so I hope you don't think I am defending him as I'm not

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 20:01

@Sovienonblanc absolutely - I just wish he would grow up - honestly the stress of this is making me feel like I'm 100 years older than what I am!

He needs to wise up and get on with it and accept that he was wrong and that he needs to work as qualifications are not handed to people on plates

OP posts:
Teachermaths · 08/06/2019 20:00

I have dealt with many. And no pupils getting Bs at gcse got As at A level no matter how hard they worked.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 19:57

@Teachermaths and yes he is intelligent academically, his thinking and attitude regarding school has been stinking, I agree with you on that one but he is not stupid in general.

I don't know you, but I'm sure as a teacher you have dealt with many pupils with low attendance who are normally bright but haven't done well in their exams due to low attendance. I can guarantee you DS would have at least got 1 A in his a levels

OP posts:
Sovienonblanc · 08/06/2019 19:56

BUT he didn’t work and hasn’t worked. You can’t blame yourself, he needs to make the changes himself. All of the changes need to come from him owise you are just going to drive yourself crazy.

Teachermaths · 08/06/2019 19:54

You're not a teacher or examiner. You have no idea what he could have got. Really you don't. Even the teachers will give you a best case scenario. There's no student getting Bs that I'd be saying would be confidently getting As at A level.

I think you've shielded yourself from the truth for too long and now have hit the panic button.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 19:53

@Sovienonblanc I do Accept the facts though - his behaviour has been absolutely awful and I do NOT condone it in any way, shape or form.

All I will say is that he would have got higher than Cs in his AS' if he worked. May not have been 100% certain, but I'd say it was very likely. His GCSEs wouldn't have stopped him from achieving more than Cs in a levels

OP posts:
Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 19:50

@Teachermaths I am only being defensive as I know my own son better than anybody else does, I know for a fact what grades he could have achieved in his AS' if he worked and this is not just my opinion, all his teachers have said it to me and DH on numerous occasions.

All I know is that last year his attendance was about 70% but I need to add that his attendance was probably less than that as most of his free lessons were actually in the periods after his lunch which is when the afternoon registers were taken and he ensured that he marked himself present in the study centre before he took himself home from school - he did attend some classes but certainly not many and if he did do any kind of revision / exam prep, it wasn't very much.

OP posts:
Sovienonblanc · 08/06/2019 19:42

OP- you asked for advice but refuse to accept the facts. You obviously care very much ,BUT your son doesn’t, if he did he would have made an effort with his ICT exam.
You can’t keep making excuses for him- he’s 18.

Original poster
user20 · 08/06/2019 19:40

@EvilTwins I know a D is a D but all I'm saying is it's not as if he was just right on a D.

The school suggested he should drop down to two subjects a few months ago so he did but he was miles behind in one of the two he was doing so he decided himself to drop down to one a level

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 08/06/2019 19:22

In fact the two subjects he got Ds in last year , he wasn't actually far off Cs as they were very high Ds so to get near 3 Cs in AS' with awful awful attendance and no work is pretty dam good

Why did he drop the subjects? Was that the school’s decision or his?

You sound like you’re in denial. A D is a D, no matter how nearly a C it was.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.