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Original poster

Dame Alice Owen's advice

27 replies

Flappingmum · 30/05/2019 17:55

Before I start this question I just want to say that I'm aware this is a very low-level/lucky problem to have but it has been weighing on my mind and I thought I'd turn to mumsnet for some advice/therapy.
Last year my DD1 sat the 11+ for top grammars in our area and rather wonderfully got a place at DAO and Henrietta Barnett to start this sept. My DH wanted to send her to HB (he'd seen the league tables and on grades alone it wins out) but I favoured DAO for one big reason: we have a DD2 who is very bright and capable in her own way but I wasn't sure would get a place herself (she doesn't love maths and writing as much as DD1). At the time I was very comfortable and happy with the decision not least of all because I found the whole period of secondary school applications pretty unpleasant and was delighted to not have to go through it again. But as time has gone on I've become more anxious that I made the wrong decision for DD1 for the sake of DD2. DD1 is quite geeky (not sporty) and thrives off competition and that has made me wonder whether she would have been more suited to HB (although at the time I worried about the added pressure of lots of high achievers competing against each other).
We didn't do private school because my husband is against them on principle and I'm not sure we could have afforded them anyway. But I'm surrounded by people who do send their kids privately and say things like "I'm not sure how hard they push them at DAO but at Highgate..." and say they chose private because "you don't compromise on your child's education". All of which has made me worry I made the wrong decision for DD1. There's obviously so much wonderful stuff said about DAO - which is why we went for it - but, as a feminist, I have had a few alarm bells about small things eg. cheerleading as a girls 'sport' and the fact I'm told almost no girls choose trousers as uniform. DD1 hasn't worn a skirt for years and I doubt will change now but again, it makes me feel she might've been more suited to the geeky hoodie-and-jeans girls at HB. (Also makes me have a quiet worry about unconscious bias/sexism and whether that seeps through into subject choices - ie. do fewer girls do science at A-level?) Would love to hear from other DAO parents about whether this is a giant flap about nothing. Again: I know we are v v lucky.

OP posts:
Huffthemagicdragon · 31/05/2019 12:15

I think you know you're worrying unnecessarily but it's part of the whole grim frenzy of secondary school admissions where the more choices you have, the more stressful we manage to make it.

I loved DAO when we visited and the fact that it's (slightly) more mixed ability is a good thing. My only concern was the commute, but depending where you live that's probably going to be as true of HBS. And, as FanDabby says, at least DAO has some catchment restrictions so the chances are your DD will have a few local friends. I know a lot of children who've gone through DAO and they've all enjoyed it, stayed on for sixth form (not true of those in HBS and QEB) and gone to the sort of universities you'd expect. Though now I think about it, the ones who've gone to local Islington/camden secondaries have had a much better Oxbridge hit rate if that's of interest.

Out of nosiness and off-topic, but why is your husband anti private but not anti DAO? It has a shockingly low 5% kids on FSM which means it's probably less economically mixed than any private school with a good bursary scheme. I don't know any kids who've gone there without tutoring (parental or professional). I don't know, I've always felt the only ethical high ground is going to local 'normal' school and into a dodgy bucket I'd put selective schools, renting next door to favoured school, an exclusive faith school or private. All of these options are iffy. Not criticising btw as we fall into one of these categories, but my kids' 70% + FSM primary school had little in common with our local v middle class faith school, which in turn had more in common with local private, so I don't think the divide is binary state v private.

FanDabbyFloozy · 31/05/2019 06:51

I think you are very, very lucky! Grin
I know several kids at Dame Alice Owens and it is a fantastic school. The kids work very hard but are typical teens with all that it entails. Because of the catchment arrangements, there are many from Herts and North London, so there are opportunities to meet each other outside school.

HBS is a school for more studious girls and there is more parental pressure/aspirations for them. The (no) catchment is huge and your child's best friend may live in Bucks - so less socialising outside school.

If I was facing this choice, I'd pick DAO even though HBS is clearly good too. Well done to your DD for having this choice.