DS is 12 and he is a weekly boarder. It was his choice and he was very happy until a boy from China joined the school in January and became his roommate.
DS told me the boy could be quite annoying but he wasn't a bad boy so they were 'OK'. He also said they sometimes clashed but they were working on their differences. He'd never badmouthed him and seemed to be genuinely trying to be on good terms with this boy.
However, when we had a parent meeting in February, literally every single teacher mentioned about the toxic relationship between them, some seemed very concerned or even apologetic. I was a bit surprised but thought they were over-reacting. DS didn't say they got on brilliantly, but he had other friends to play with anyway, so didn't seem to be too concerned about it.
However, near the end of the last term, DS got increasingly unhappy with this boy and requested to change the roommate for the next term. The housemaster previously told us half termly room change could happen when things weren't working well, and we actually saw some changes at a half term before. So asking for a room change for a new term wasn't an unreasonable request. The housemaster knew things were pretty bad between them and hinted his request would be accepted. But just before the school broke for Easter, DS was informed he had to stay with the boy for one more term. The reason for this was the headmaster believed it would be good for DS to gain more patience and resilience. DS was shocked as he expected his request would be approved, but he accepted and followed the instruction.
At the very beginning of this term, things didn't seem bad. DS actually said they were improving. However, this boy's attitude towards DS gradually became nasty and today DS told me he wouldn't cope with the situation any longer. The boy is incredibly selfish, wouldn't allow DS to use shared objects in the room, kicks, and steps on DS's belongings, swears at him day and night, badmouths his parents (us) - this particularly hurt DS, keeps saying mean things with lots of swearing when DS is trying to sleep, and more!! He can't relax when the boy is around. He also fears this boy may do something to his belongings when DS is out of the room, so has to keep going back to the room just to prevent this to happen. It's serious mental bullying to my eyes.
DS doesn't just cry away, so occasionally fights back or try to meet an agreement (most of the times he tries to ignore). But all these things are so draining for him that it's started affecting his ability to focus on study and other extracurricular activities.
I told DS I would email the school to make them act immediately. I would also request the room change after the second half, so only one more week to go, then a week off, then when he's back to school, the boy wouldn't be his roommate anymore. I also told him, if it becomes too much next week, I would come to pick him up and he would stay at home until the school sort this out. He seemed to be very relieved and went to sleep smiling.
This school is so proud of its anti-bullying policy and has a history to punish 'bullies' pretty harshly in the past. However, strangely, this boy doesn't get in any trouble, even though his general attitude is very poor and his bullying towards DS seems to be well known. DS said an older pupil told him that the boy's family is very wealthy and probably gave the school a huge amount of donation, so the headmaster wouldn't want to lose this boy. It's just a silly gossip, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true... This boy has certainly totally different treatment from others.
I've just finished writing the email to the school. My son was very thankful when I offered to step in. However, am I too naive to expect the school takes our complaint seriously? We aren't wealthy. DS got significant financial help to pay for the fees. I know we aren't particularly attractive to the school financially. I'm worrying I may disappoint DS if I'm unsuccessful to make any significant change after I promised him everything would be fine.